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It's like my opinion doesn't even matter...
We go to the Home Depot to fix our sink that eye storingly drains into the backyard. My idea is little different from his, not gonna lay out the whole story, but he acted as if my idea was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard. And that's no where near the first time.. On several occasions I would offer my opinion or some advice, and it is usually the same reaction, his idea is better and he acts like I shouldn't have said anything at all! It's aggravating! I just wanna matter, I wanna be heard at least sometimes... Also, anytime I get aggravated about something, I'm always "over reacting" as he likes to say, it's not that big of deal, he says.. We are getting married in a yr, and I don't want to go into a marriage like this! These are the only issues that I feel need addressing, but they are pretty big issues to me.. Anybody been there? Anybody got any advice?
Re: It's like my opinion doesn't even matter...
Based on the bolded items why would you WANT to marry someone who doesn't respect you and treat you as an equal and partner?
I once dated someone who wanted a submissive housewife type wife and thought I would fall over and thank my lucky stars that he was proposing to me. I laughed in his face and told him that I wouldn't wish our relationship dynamics on my worst enemy. I'm just about the exact opposite of the type of woman he wanted and I knew it.
Please think long and hard about what YOU expect/ need from a future husband. There's no shame in cancelling a wedding if what you want and what you're with doesn't match up.
Try this:
"Fiance, it's my house too and my opinion does matter. It's disrespectful when you react to my suggestions that way. I am not a five year old to be dismissed. I want to talk about this together and come up with a solution that BOTH of us agree on."
Soemtimes I have to remind my Dh that his reactions are too aggressive and will not be tolerated. Because he doesn respect me, he realizes he's out of line and we're able to have an adult conversation. However, you really need to think about if your DH has a healthy amount of respect for you - if not, rethink marrying him.
Also - I had to explain to my DH that when I question him about things it comes from a place of curiousity and wanting to understand his thought process and how things work - not that I'm challanging him or I think he's wrong. He used to get pissed when I would "give suggestions" because he thought I didn't have trust/respect/pride in him to be able to do the "manly" things. I think it's a guy thing maybe, but once I was able to get him to understand where I was coming from, things got a lot easier.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Find another guy that values you, your opinion and everything you say and do.
O man, thank you! I can tell he feels challenged a lot when I ask him about things sometimes, and I don't mean it to come as a challenge, just wanna know.
Really these are his ONLY issues, he's helpful, mostly supportive, cares about me, my family, which is a hard job itself, lol, and right now, we are in a tiny two bedroom house, and I have my friend and her family of four staying with us, and he doesn't mind. He's such a great guy, it's just these things it can't get over. I hurts my feelings. He respects me, just sometimes I'm not sure he values my opinion too much..
Thanks for the advice and I will definitely try it next time this comes up.