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need advice
My husband and i are going to be trying to get pregnant later this year (end of summer, fall time) and my only worry is the fact that it will somehow upset his older sister who just had her first baby later this year. Ever since i met her somehow different things i do (it seems like just my actions) upset her.. they were out visiting the family this past weekend and someone asked when my hubby and i would be trying, and we said, and she got up and ran out of the room in tears.. they were supposed to stay the weekend but they left later that afternoon due to the fact she was so upset...her husband assured us its nothing and she will get over it..but now i feel like im stepping on her toes or stealing her thunder of this year being "her year" or something...
i dont know if i sound immature by typing this or what to really do...my husband thinks his sister should get over it and accept the fact we want to start a family.. and i feel the same but i also don't want to have her acting like she did every time.. i love his sister and i am very proud to be an aunty to her baby...but i just dont know what to do here...its easy to say "who cares what she thinks do what you guys want" due to the fact drama is so not needed...but let me hear thoughts please.
Re: need advice
This is your decision and H's --- do as you wish. you are stepping on nobody's toes. Don't feel guilty and don't try to please everybody by doing as they wish, not as you wish.
Her H sure must have his hands full. She probably demanded they go home early and he obliged. Sad.
Are you close enough to her to ask her about her reaction? And for clarity - Did she have a baby late last year, or is she pregnant now?
Regardless, you and DH should have children when it best suits YOU. There's nothing saying you can't try to understand and empathize with your SIL, but at some point you just step back and let her sort through her own issues and emotions.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
She sounds like she's being a brat. For goodness sake, if you start TTC in the fall, even if you're successful the first month, the birth of your child is still 18m away. She'll have all the attention in the meantime. Do what's best for you, and you might want to develop a few witty comebacks for what are sure to be snarky comments from her in the near future. And kudos to you DH for telling her to shove it. Don't expect her to be happy for you, or to have your best interests at heart - for right now all you'll be is disappointed. Hopefully motherhood helps her mature a little.
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
Your SIL sounds immature and possibly suffering from a mental issue. It is not normal to run out crying at the mention of someone TTC. Next time stand up and applaud her and scream out Emmy performance!! J/K
Don't ever put your goals or dreams on hold because of her or anyone else. You can feel sorry for her but not guilty.
"Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
-Maya Angelou
You and your H need to just go ahead and do your thing. Your SIL needs to grow up and realize that you and your H are on your own life schedule, while she and her H are on theirs. My BIL behaves in a similar manner - everything with him is some competition, including TTC - and basically whatever problem he has with what we do is his problem. If your SIL brings it up again or has another tantrum, you should remind her of this. I would also recommend maybe keeping your plans to yourselves just so you don't have to deal with any headaches from her. But aside from that, don't you guys want to have something as personal and private as TTC to be between you and H?
Even so, this isn't how adults act: she should have stood down and said nothing at all. Or quietly left the room. ANything but do what she did.:(
My guess is it was a competition to her, since she had a fit when people she knew had a baby before her. I am sorry you have a SIL like this, hopefully you can deal with all the drama with the years to come, yikes.
I'm glad you and your husband had a convo with her and didnt let it go as being 'okay'. Sounds like she got away with a lot growing up with how she talks to you and your H. I'm a pushover, so I know this situation would bug me too, but if people are acting unreasonable like this I have a much easier time saying go jump in the lake.
That being said, what a PP said about it's one thing to be compassionate it is right. You keep saying "i'm a caring person". yea - well, we all are! But we can recognize that she's being irrational! This is her baby's "year"? Really?
You really need to learn to live your life w/o worrying about what she thinks - at least as long as she's being this crazy about it. And moving forward, I'd actually advise to NOT talk to her about it (or other stuff she freaks out over). You made one attempt - that's good. Now- stop explaining and defending the choices in your life that actually have nothing to do w/ her. To do so only tells her that she actually DOES have a say. Don't give her that much power.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This whole thing made me LOL.....tell your SIL to get over herself. And I stand by what I said - from now on, you should just keep baby making plans between you and your H. In the end, it's no one's business but yours when you guys are TTC.
Well thank heaven you came to your senses. I was beginning to think you just liked being involved in other people's drama.