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sleep training question (and vent)
Ben had always been a great sleeper, thus we'd never needed to do sleep training. But now at 18 months, all that has changed. It takes forever to get him to sleep at night, like close to 2 hrs. It basically sucks up all my time in the evenings on the nights I put him down (DH & I take turns) and it makes me resentful cause I have no time with my Cori or DH or even myself.
We usually rock Ben in the chair (after stories, etc) and he'd fall asleep and then we'd place him in the crib. I know the "problem" now is that he associates sleep with being held cause he will wake up as soon as he hits the crib. Pick him back up & try again. We do this ike 6-7 times and eventually sneak out of his room ninja-style. It's exhausting and if he wakes up at 3 AM (recently this happens a lot) we go through it all over again. We're drained, and thus we decided to do sleep training (Ferber method).
BUT Ben is not cooperating at all. He screams for close to an hour and it keeps Cori awake. I can't say how long he'd go at that intensity because both times we'd tried the training, we give in after an hour and go back to rocking him just so Cori can finally fall asleep.
We play music in Cori's room, but we can't shut her door (she gets scared) so she can still hear him even though his door is shut. How in the world do I sleep train Ben without keeping Cori up with his screaming?? Those of you with 2 kids who have sleep trained, I need your help please!
PS - We are also going to try some Melatonin for Ben to help him fall asleep. He shows all the signs of being tired, but this kid is a champ for toughing it out! 
Re: sleep training question (and vent)
SO since you said he had never been a trouble sleeper before now, I would think this is a phase. Developmental, a period of excessive separation anxieties, or those annoying teeth just causing a setback. That being said, I don't think that it is a terrible idea to try to get him to lay down and fall asleep on his own.
I think I would try to focus on that- not picking him up, patting his back and laying him down again may work. But I never really sleep trained beyond that and the checking in after a few min, and repeating that, and usually after 20 min or so she would tire out and sleep.
It might be a phase but it wouldn't hurt to get him to fall asleep on his own. The "sleep training" we did was checking on dd every couple minutes, covering her back up, patting her back but never picking her up out of her crib. And I agree with pp, if you could start it on a weekend when your dd could maybe sleep later in the morning if she does end up being awake later.
Also, whatever method you decide to do. You need to stick with it. I know that's the hard part.
I would also take a peak in his mouth and make sure there aren't any teeth popping up. I think this is was what caused our failed attempt at no more binky. After we gave the binky back she chewed a hole in it and I was shocked to see a new molar. It never bothered her during the day. Poor second child!
I agree with Amanda that it is likely a phase--but sleep training could help. And I've found that what worked for kid #1 doesn't necessarily work for #2.
We did the Jay Gordon method of night weaning with Brinely. You didn't say whether or not you were nursing still--but regardless, once you get past the first few days, there is no more nursing and it's more about getting them to fall asleep without being held.
We're still trying to figure out what will work for Nolan. In the evenings he needs some downtime. So we nurse, then he goes in his crib with some books and the lights dim. He will look at them for awhile and call for me when he's ready to sleep. Then I rock him for a few more minutes, put him in his crib awake and pat his butt until he is almost asleep.
If I try to skip the step in the middle where he gets his downtime it's a disaster.
Good luck! I know exactly how you're feeling with bedtime taking up your whole evening. It can be so frustrating, especially when it's taking 2 hours! With DD, until she was about 2 she never let DH or anyone besides me put her to bed. There were times after particularly rough bed times where I broke down and cried out of frustration.
ETA: Link for Jay Gordon:
http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
We also didn't co-sleep with Brinley--but the basic method still applied, and worked. We tried Ferber with Brinley and it wasn't her style. She'd throw her binkies over the side of the crib when she was mad we weren't in there, and she couldn't go to sleep without them (she had a binky until she was a little older than 3--and evne then it was tough for her go give up.)
Thanks everyone, and keep the ideas coming!
I've looked in his mouth and no new teeth popping up. He has all 4 molars in; teething never bothered him before but who knows now. It's like he just can't get comfortable though with us holding him anymore - he turns and tosses in our arms, kicks his feet, throws his legs over our arms, etc. We've tried to just lay him in his crib and pat him to sleep but he won't lay down and raises his arms to be picked up.
I know it's a phase, but I have to say it is the suckiest one by far! I want my good little sleeper back. And what is worse, is that 17-21 months is one of the worst times to sleep train (according to the child psychologists) since they are going through a big development and communication spurt and swing back to needing reassurance from Mom & Dad. I just don't think we'll last a few more months like this. He needs to learn to put himself to sleep.
Well I don't have 2 kids...but I think if you want to do Ferber you need to stick with it. The fact that you tried but gave in probably escalated things some. I am sure it sucks for Cori but can you just talk to her about it and that it will only be for a few nights? Like pp said what about one of you taking her downstairs and sleep down there with her. If it were us I would try that.
I agree with others it could be a phase but I'm also a firm believer in Ferber and teaching good sleeping habits. I think if you just stick with Ferber it won't take long. Yes it will be bad for a little but and disrupt Coru but think of how great the end result will be and it will be worth it.
what about ear plugs for Cori??
Garrett is an awesome sleeper too, and every once in a while he'll go through a phase where his sleep will go to hell and I start to panic because I think that my lucky streak is finally over...but after a week or two or three, things go back to normal. Since we assume that it's a phase, we do whatever it takes to keep him calm and back to sleep. Sometimes it means laying on the floor of his room, rocking for extra long, letting him sleep in our room (he is not a fan of sleeping in our bed, but sometimes we let him fall asleep here, then put him back in his crib when we go to bed - sometimes we're successful at moving him, sometimes we're not), extending the bath time/bed time routine, etc. We just do what we need to do, and are willing to try anything. For us it's just about getting through it!
Mason takes forever to fall asleep, so he is usually still awake for the worst of these phases. Once he's asleep, it doesn't seem to disrupt him that often (their rooms are at opposite ends of the hall).
Good luck!
ETA: We always use a fan, humidifier, or white noise machine in both boy's rooms. Not sure if you already do that, but that my help with the noise each of them hears outside of the room or help with keeping the room relaxed.
Beth - we have the same issues with Eamon & he's the same age. Hasn't been going right to sleep like usual. Its just recent and not every night so we've been rocking for a bit but then walking out and seeing if he settles after 10 mins or so. We still have middle of the night wakes but that's not really new.
The girls are pretty sound sleepers so I can't help you there - we do run a humidifier. If you can get Cori as far away from Ben that might help. Hang in there it could be just a phase that you have to work through. Hope it gets better soon!
I never heard of using melatonin?
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
I think it's just a phase. As much as those phases KILL me (I am not good with sleep problems at all), I don't think they are the best time to try sleep training. It's a cycle for me, b/c I don't want to create waves and sleep train when things are good, but when they get bad I wish I had made the effort while things were still good! Wes has gone through a few bad phases around the same age, and again about a month or so ago. They do fizzle out and he calms down about sleeping again, but they seem to take forever.
Maybe just posting about it will do the trick
I swear my child is still loving on pants a week after my vent on here about her refusing to wear them!
Sheila, Clare had suggested the melatonin to me. She uses it with her boys and her pediatrician's okay with it. It helps them fall asleep in about 20 mins, mimicing the body's rise in melatonin to help bring on sleep. I'm going to give it a try to see if it helps settle him; I'll be sure to let you know! Maybe Eamon would do well with it too. Seems like it's a "boy" thing - LOL
You hang in there too!
I'll be sure to look into this as I never heard of him. But that's Ben too - throwing Binkies over the side and then freaked out that he doesn't have them.
interesting. Let me know how it works
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
Thanks Anne! Nice to "see" you! (How old is Jack now?!?!)
I was a little worried about the side effects, so it is nice to hear you experienced none. I'll be calling my ped in the morning and asking. If so, it's going in the milk tomorrow night!
Melatonin will help him to fall asleep, but it's not going to keep him asleep. So you may still have 3 a.m. wake-ups.
We've had sleep issues with DD since birth, and sleep training did not work at all. Ben sounds a lot like her, and we couldn't take the hour-long screaming fits every night - so we gave in. We still lay with her to fall asleep, but I'm OK with that because she sleeps all night.
We've used melatonin occasionally, and it was OK'd by both the pediatricians I work with as well as our own pediatrician. We also use the Natrol liquid version.
Adam ALWAYS fell asleep nursing no matter what I did to keep him a wake. He was NEVER good with Bed time and always had to nurse to sleep. so issues started some after we stopped nursing.
CIO didn't work he would be so worked up he'd get sick then he would sob and shutter in his sleep when I gave in and held him and I would bawl.
It doesn't sound like Ben wants held really since you said he squirms, how does he sleep other times? like naps? is it always in his crib? or is it on a mat and pillow at daycare or in your bed or on the couch? Maybe he just isn't comfortable anymore. Adam would sleep anywhere else, not just our bed ( of course we were there...) more easily so I decided to give him a thin pillow in his crib at about a year old. It actually made a difference! He would lay on his pillow and cuddle up- seriously how would you like to sleep on that flat hard crib mattress??
it was only about 3 months later (15 mo old) that we ended up with a toddler bed because he just DID NOT want in the crib. One night he threw his pillow on the floor and yelled down and pointed. I took him out of the crib and don't you know he laid right down on the floor on his pillow. the next day I got a toddler bed off Craig's list.
He loved it. We still had some issues with him not wanting to wind down and we would have to stay with him to keep him in bed for a little till he fell asleep but it was better than the fighting.
Night wakings, and co-sleeping and breaking that is a whole other situation- we'll just work on getting your guy to go to bed first!
Good Luck!
Married, September 23, 2006