Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Introvert vs. Extrovert
My long-time friend and I have been close since early high school (about 13ish years). We are different in personality, especially socially. I'm half introverted/half extroverted...she's wildly extroverted. As a result, she likes to be busy busy busy and is constantly flitting around to visit friends in this state and that state on the weekends. Her husband travels for work, so there are occasional weekends where she's by herself at home for a night. She and her husband are a few years into their careers, and have the money to be able to travel to visit friends - which is wonderful for them! I work long hours, am graduating from law school this spring, prioritize extra time with my family and close friends, and use my down time to re-charge (there's my introverted side). My husband and I are just starting out and trying to conserve money and enjoy life on a less expensive scale right now.
We each got married last year (her last summer, me just in December), and she is already on my case about coming to visit her next weekend. She wants me to visit because her husband will be away... But I've been married for just one month. My H and I have a new (to us) house and there are projects we plan to do on the weekends. I love that time with him, sleeping in and enjoying each other. And I really don't want to spend 8 hours on the road alone during the weekend, when that time would be better spent doing school work and house work right now. Heck, I don't even have my Thank You cards done or my name change documents done yet...I need my weekend time to do that! I tried to explain to Friend how much I'd enjoy visiting her sometime this spring, but I'm just settling into married life and my weekends are spent doing reading and assignments for school/work. She just gets offended that I'm not making our friendship a priority.
Also, our husbands barely even know each other. Friend never really liked my boyfriend/now-H...actually, she's never liked any of my boyfriends. 
I'd really like to visit with them as couples so we can all hang out and the boys can bond (her husband is a sweetheart), but she just pretty much wants me to come fill her time while her H is away.
As much as I have tried over the last 13 or so years to explain myself
to my friend, she just won't accept that I think differently and get my
energy restored differently (by relaxing quietly) than she gets hers
restored (by going out and doing fun things). We went to colleges in
different states, about 9 hours apart, and back then she got very upset
that we weren't talking enough. As a result, her "rule" became that we
had to talk on the phone once a week (for at least an hour). Or else
she'd just "stop trying." Like, whatever...these things tend to roll off
my back and I just live my life how I want. I don't like sitting on the
phone for an hour+ to shoot the breeze...if you have stuff to talk
about, give me a call, and I do the same. Another point of contention: She sends cards to people frequently, I prefer emailing. We're just different. She's thoughtful, and expects the same type of thoughtfulness in return. It's stifling for someone like me.
I'm wondering what I can say to Friend to help her to understand WHY I think and feel this way. It's not that I don't like spending time with her, but it can be taxing for me since it is always back-to-back "fun-filled" events. And it's not that our friendship isn't one of my priorities...it just isn't my top priority right now. Isn't that OK??
All that being said, I don't want to constantly turn down Friend's invitation to visit and hurt her feelings. I'd RATHER be heard and understood so that she can understand that my declining her invitation doesn't indicate that I don't want to spend time with her, it's just that she isn't my top priority at this time in my life...and that's just how things are. We're not 14 anymore spending every summer day at the pool, as much as I wish that were the case! Can't we just plan ahead and pick a date in May that will work for us both? Does it have to be next weekend?? Or next month?
Curious to hear your thoughts...
Re: Introvert vs. Extrovert
This. Personally I think she sounds like a demanding, high maintenance nightmare and I wouldn't be that sad to let it die out...
Ditto, but I also wanted to point out that just because you are married, doesn't mean you can't hang out with single friends anymore. I'm getting a serious - I'm married and I want to spend time around my DH vibe from your post. It's healthy to have relationships outside of your marriage. I realize this marriage is "new" to you, but you don't want to let your friendships fails because of it. While I agree w/ renegade though, it doesn't seem like this friendship has your best interests in mind.
What kind of response are you giving your friend when she asks? Why does she pester? Are you telling her a firm, "No, this weekend won't work for me?" I have to wonder if you are giving her mixed messages because she continues to ask or perhaps she just really doesn't want to be alone. You could ask her WHY it means so much to her (or why it's so important to her) that you visit for the weekend if you are curious.