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alcoholic parent
Does anyone have/ had a parent or parents that suffer/ed from an addiction to alcohol? or drugs? for the last year my mother has been suffering from it for close to 4 years now due to the death of her father and then her husband within 6 months of eachother.. and as her daughter i did my very best to help, with no results, i tried everything i was on my own at 18 years old with no help.., it ended up pushing me away from her.. i havent spoken to her in 2 years due to her getting ahold of me claiming she was clean and then leaving voicemails at 3 am drunk and high and calling me this that and the next thing..
my aunty from the states wants to intervene and try and convince her to move to jersey with her to help her get clean..
im at the time in my life 24 years old where i feel guilty i didnt try harder to help her but i also feel that a parent should not put that on their child...but the pain she feels must have really pushed her so far,
if there is anyone on here that can give me some words of advice, id appreciate it
Re: alcoholic parent
I'm sorry for what you have been through. It is not your job to parent and fix your mother. You need to focus on the things you can control in your own life and making good decisions for yourself.
Have you thought about individual counseling for yourself?
Ditto PP who suggested counseling.
Also, check out a local Alanon meeting. If there's no Alanon, go to AA. Alanon is for families of the alcoholics. AA is usually for the alcoholic, but they're not going to turn you away or be anything but kind to you if you go.
Sorry for your troubles.
You know how it is: the alcoholic has to realize he or she needs help and he or she will have to be self motivated to get help: do it because he or she wants to get clean and sober.
No amount of intervention or begging or anything else from another person will work.
You can't help her --- AlAnon will tell you that (I hope you are attending; if you are not, I suggest you do). She's got to want to help herself.
Another good resource for you: Adult Children of Alcoholics.
You are doing the right thing: you have ceased contact with her due to her drinking and the problems it has caused.
Wishing you luck. Stay strong.
distance has been my best bet so far...i felt guilty at first and my older brother who was very deep into drugs also blamed me and said i abandoned them, at the time i literally had no one, no family, no friends,except for one.. i was so alone, and i felt trapped, when i moved away i wrote my mom a letter and my best friends parents gave it to her a few days after i left, i did not tell her to her face i was leaving her, i did not want to have to see her cry and beg (her usual drug and drinking habit)
the worse thing was, she turned to our neighbours for help, but she planted her drugs and booze and pipes bongs etc in MY bedroom and told them it was me, and they freaking believed her, im like "look at her, she doesnt even see straight, look at me" and they said "you need god dear, he will help you through your sickness" it fumed me so badly that was another part of why i dont speak to her...she allowed random men into her home at all hours, WHILE her 18 year old daughter was asleep! a few times someone even knocked on my bedroom door asking if i had a light, it was a disgusting mess, my brother informed me when i went to visit him last summer that after i moved away, a gang came in and beat her because she took their money and they destroyed her home, killed her dog.... and i only could think to myself "what if i had been there, i could have been hurt or worse"
Ghastly. Thankfully you are away from there.
You might try therapy also so that you can start healing from the mess you were exposed to. This is bad news for all who are invloved.
I'm so sorry for everything you've been through.
Just try to remember that there's nothing you can do, or could have done at the time to fix this.
Yes, she's your mom and you love her and want her to get better. But she's also an adult who was making her own choices. None of that is your fault.
I think counseling or Al Anon may be useful to you. Good Luck.