Sex & Romance
Sugarplum97
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Waiting till our wedding night
My Future husband and I are virgins, where are some of the best places to get lingerie for decent prices? Also is there a way I can prevent the soreness from our wedding night, he and I both want to be able to enjoy the entire week, and not worry about having to stop, because I am too sore. Sorry if this is TMI, but I just don't want to disappoint him. Also would it be better to get a bikini wax before, so it dose not rub?
My blog, The Laundry Room. http://becomingaprowife.com/
Re: Waiting till our wedding night
Just make sure you have plenty of foreplay beforehand and use lots of lube, how much it hurts will depend on how relaxed you are so try not to tense and it'll be fine. If you use lube and make sure you're warmed up, you shouldn't be sore. I was tender the day after but we still had sex every day for a week after so, yeah.
It's up to you with the waxing, I personally just keep it neat and tidy and my DH doesn't mind. Ask him what he'd like, or leave it natural and just tidy it up and then ask him afterwards - it doesn't really make a difference to the sex tbh.
Lots of lube and foreplay (basic nothing that burns). Also some of the soreness depends on physical things you can't control, so you need to relax and just see where things lead. Try not to work things up in your head, you don't want to be set up for failure. I would not trade both of us waiting but it was not magical nor what it is now. Not even close (maybe special b/c we can look back and laugh about it).
If you've never had a wax, trim and do a basic wax nothing crazy. Not sure what you think will rub but most people pick their own preference based on looks and cleanliness. Exfoliate before hand and get it professionally done, you don't want to mess with in-growns or bumps on your honeymoon.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
First off give yourself a break. It's your first time and great sex usually takes a bit of practice. Sex is an amazing thing but it doesn't have to be this be all end all thing you are making it out to be.
My tips are
lots and lots of lube
lots of foreplay
BREATHE and RELAX and know that the two of you have a lifetime to practice having great sex
if you need a break take it...don't be dumb about it. If something hurts that is your brain telling you to knock whatever it is that your doing off because you could cause more damage.
Born in 1997 and you got engaged at your prom.
Why not wait until you finish college to have sex???
Why are you getting married right after high school???
Thank you so much it means a lot that you understand this! I have been getting so much flack, all of my family got married young and I am really excited about it I am working super hard this summer to graduate next may so I can get married in December 2013 (I am doing a years extra worth of work). My FH and I are so excited, he is doing everything that I have asked of him like getting a job so that when we do get married we have a fair amount of money. We have already told each other that no matter what we will not divorce so many people treat marriage like a game and we know it will not be easy at all, but we love each other and we want to live our lives together. Thank you!
There is no way a high school grad can have "a fair amount of money" saved in 6 months' time. He'll be making minimum wage if he is lucky and that money won't take you far at all --- remember there are taxes and it's bloody minimum wage! How can he possibly support a wife on that kind of money?
And please don't tell me you will be living with his parents or yours. Wrong. Don't get married if you cannot support a wife and support her with no difficulty at all.
For a second, I thought I was transported to the year 1913! Engaged at what age???
This is a case of horniness and puppy love and nothing more. Their parents have to be a little loopy themselves if they think it's fine to have a 16 year old and a maybe 17 year old get married.
Look: take your time. Go to college, get a couple jobs, save your money --- if this is meant to be the both of you will still be together.
Teenage marriages usually do not last; it's been statistically proven. Bear that in mind.
"Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
-Maya Angelou
Look at her posts on The Snot. She's still in high school and is working hard to finish her HS education this year.
Well this seems to happen much more commonly with people who don't have sex until they're married.
OP, you need to get past the expectation that two virgins are going to have great sex in the first week. It's just not likely. Your husband is a virgin. You will not disappoint him. He won't know any better.
Like others said, lots of lube, lots of foreplay and hope for the best.
And you can get lingerie at any department store if you don't want to go to Victoria's Secret or places like that. And waxing is up to you. Completely a personal preference. Just don't do it the day before the wedding, you'll probably have some irritation for a day or two.
This is 2 horny kids getting married so they can have sex.
Ha. Great reason for a lifetime committment.
Sugarplum97: I got married young, too. We were both virgins, and, contrary to what many would expect of people our age, we've fared pretty well. We've bought a house, started a business, and are becoming involved in our community. Young marriages are not destined to fail. Feel free to PM me for realistic advice sans pessimistic crap.
As to your questions, forget waxing for awhile, if you're nervous. Try to shave and trim nicely, and if you feel like trying a wax job sometime after you're married, have at it. I just know that trying something like that for the first time, when you're already feeling overwhelmed with wedding details, can just be too much. He'll like you just the way you are!
We've never used lube, because *ahem* we haven't needed it thus far, but I second PP's advice of taking your time. Don't try to expect too much of each other.
Lastly, I don't know what you're budget is for frillies, but my favorite places are Victoria's Secret, (when they go on sale) Aerie, and Intimint. Even Target sometimes has cute stuff for a decent price.
Lower your expectations. Don't expect fireworks or even pleasure the first time around. Have some fun, laugh, be together.
Bikini wax is a good idea, IMO, but not necessary. Depends on your comfort level.
It'll be a brand new thing for both of you. Nobody does a brand new thing very well the first time, or the second time or the third time. Stuff takes practice. Lucky for you, you've got the rest of your lives to practice together.
Best of luck.
ETA: This:
Don't get married if you cannot support a wife and support her with no difficulty at all
is one of the most ridiculous statements I've read on these boards.
Don't get married if you cannot support a wife and support her with no difficulty at all
is one of the most ridiculous statements I've read on these boards.Think so?
Try supporting a wife on a minimum wage job...and what if a bambina pops into the picture? Can you support 2 dependents on that kind of money?
Money is one of the biggies a couple will argue over. Bear that in mind. We all know what that subject is like when it rears its ugly head -- how many times on this board and others have we seen it?
Have to disagree with this. I'm all for young marriage, (if well advised) but DO NOT live with either set of parents. If that is your only option, don't get married, because they will inevitably become your babysitters.
Whether you plan to be a one or two income household, you need enough money to live on your own.
I had been with my high school boyfriend almost 2 years, and at the time, it seemed like a good idea to move in together after we started college. I was 19, he was 18.
Things had been going fine, with a few rough spots here and there, but once we were living together, it became abundantly clear we weren't right for each other.
-I am so thankful we broke up before we got married, and that we didn't get married just to have sex.
I am not pressing premarital sex if it's against your religious beliefs, but believe me, if ANY of the reasons you want to get married include 'to have sex', it's a bad decision.
I was 21 when I got married, but I'd worked, attended college, been in the real world, and had more than 1 relationship to look at.
Until you're old enough to know who YOU are and what YOU want, you shouldn't get married.
Hoping for the best for you.
-But really. At least go to college. Sex isn't worth forfeiting that.
We also waited for our wedding night and got married young (both of us are still in university).
As pp's have said, take it slow. And yeah, don't expect too much. If you've both waited, it's most likely going to be bad but trust me, it gets better. This may be TMI, but I was pretty sore after the first few times, but after a couple weeks it was fine.
First of all let me say i'm really proud of you for waiting! On the soreness...that all depends on how well the two of you fit together if you know what I'm saying. My husband and I also waited til our wedding night, and to be perfectly honest, I was sore for like a week and a half. I had friends though that also waited and weren't sore at all. The only lube that really worked for us was the liquid stuff that was basically slimey water. We tried the jelly but it felt really sticky and kind of made things worse.
For the lingerie, I would try tj maxx! I know it sounds weird, and sometimes you have to dig, but I have found some really cute stuff there - although nothing beats Victoria's Secret. It just depends on whether you are willing to spend lots of money on something that he's not going to know the difference on whether it's cheap or expensive.
As far as getting married young, my advise to you is to go to a good pastor for pre-marital counseling and I would also read some pre-marital books together. Our favorite one was one by Chip Ingram called "Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships." My husband and I got married when I was 22, and I still don't think I understood what it really meant to be truly on our own until we were there. I had a really good job and we had a great support system, but I would really evaluate your finances and make a budget to make sure you can handle life on your own.
DH and I didn't get married young (he was 29 & I was 25) but we waited until our wedding night as well. I agree with everything above... we were 100% happy we waited, but it wasn't as enjoyable as it is now because we weren't used to it. It hurt me pretty badly the first night, but it DOES get better with time!