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Chores
I swear since I took over our finances, chores is our #1 fight. I'm really at my wits end and hoping someone has something that might help... because nothing I'm going is helping.
I work 9 hour days (plus hour commute each way with traffic), so I'm off every weekend, and every other Friday. My off days I clean, cook, grocery shop, errands I can't do during the week since I work 7-5, etc. H's current job has him off Wednesday and Sundays. I'm a bum during the week, but I still cook/heat up dinner, make both our lunches, and H's job is dishes. He usually get behind on dishes, and I end up cleaning the whole house while he works, or lays on the couch on weekends.
I've tried talking to him about it how it makes me feel. He said he'll work on it.
I tried making him a list because he said he didn't know what I wanted done. Sometimes it works... most of the time it doesn't. Like yesterday he said he didn't see the list. It was where I put it everytime I make one. Next time I'm taping it to his sweet tea container! The only things on it were dishes (his normal chore) and vacuum which he promised to do Sunday but didn't (I swept and mopped kitchen, foyer and powder room).
I tried - let's clean together, but he usually ends up on the couch while I'm still cleaning.
I am THISCLOSE to going on strike this weekend! And just repeat to him his excuses he gives me. "I didn't know what needs to be done", "I'm not feeling well", "I'm tired", "I've got a lot on my mind"...
Re: Chores
Good point! I think with no groceries or cooking he's going to notice sooner.
If I were you, I'd stop doing things for him if he keeps up making excuses. It's not fair to you at all. Stop making his lunches and heating his dinner. Make him know it's his turn. If he has a smartphone, use it. Go in his calendar and put in reminders throughout the day that will go off and tell him what to do. You can't do everything and he needs to understand that marriage and taking care of your house is a two way street.
- But I can be mean like that! Good luck!
DH and I are pretty even on the chore responsibilities. We both work a lot, so we both have to chip in so that our house isn't disgusting and there's food on the table. I do most of the cooking, but he'll go to the grocery store if I can't get there. He does the laundry (I fold it) and he's usually better at tidying up the clutter than I am. I usually get stuck with bathrooms though...my least favorite! We have a dish washer, so whoever gets to it first usually unloads and loads it.
I would totally go on strike! Stop making his lunch, heating his dinner for him, etc. It should be both of your responsibilities to keep the house running and food on the table, not just yours! When he sees that things magically aren't getting done anymore, have a conversation about how to divide chores more evenly and stress the importance of keeping up his end of the deal.
Wedding Pic Preview
Re - Lunches - If I don't make him a lunch, he'll get fast food daily. Which is not good for his cholesterol or our budget!
I really think he's used to a SAHW/SAHM with his first wife. I thought we got through those expectations 2 years ago when we moved in together. But I'm thinking they moved from me keeping the house clean everyday, to me doing it on the weekends.
That's my problem. Our house's floorplan is VERY open, kitchen is wide open into the living room and dining room. I HATE when it's dirty. That's why I did 2 loads of dishes last Friday when I was off, when H was off Wed AND Thurs because they were slow. Ok I understand needing a lazy day, but two in a row - really? When do I get that? I can't clean the rest of the kitchen until the dishes are out of the way... and for some reason I always start there.
I can relate. This was a huge issue with my ex and I, but what made it worse was that he was unemployed and played video games all day. In my case, I went on strike too, but took it a step further. I would clean up after myself only. Any mess that he would make, I would pile it on his side of the bed. Even the dirty dishes (in a plastic bin). There were some arguments and it got better for a little bit. Other stresses in our marriage made it not last long though.
In your case, I would recommend just sitting down with him and telling him what your expectations are and what your reactions will be if those expectations aren't met. It comes down to respect and partnership and maybe since cleanliness isn't as important to him as it is to you, he's not seeing it that way. Point that out, but try to do it when the two of you are calm and keep it from turning into an argument.
Good luck!
Actually, yesterday I made a list of chores and broke it into Daily, Weekly, and Bi-Weekly. I want to sit down tonight, and pick chores for the month. They have boxes and we can check/highlight when it's done. I think this is my last ditch effort.
It's not really cleaniless isn't important to him... he thinks things are ok. Example - bathrooms may look ok, but to me they need to be cleaned BEFORE they look bad...