Buying A Home
pugrace
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
trapped
So DH has a 2 bedroom townhome, which was great for him. He didn;t want to change any of the hideous wall colors, the stained carpet, or terriable linolium flooring. Fine- but I didn't move in until the week of our wedding, (his house isn;t big enough for my things, so I was able to bring my makeup and some clothes) Needless to say I **HATE** living here (I lived at home with my parents and this is the first time leaving the nest) Just leaving the nest was a hard transition for me (I am also not able to bring my dog, who is still with my parents) I have cried more in our first month of marriage than through out our 3 years together. I tried talking to DH and while he kinda understands, he didn't get it. FINALLY one night while crying myself to sleep he woke up and realized that something is really wrong and I am not happy with out situation. So we had decided to wait till Jan to call our realtor, and he finally called and we met with her. Our town home was well priced 3 years ago when he bought it, and in the 3 years had paid 11K off. Well unfortunatly it doesn't matter what condition our home is in, the others that are for sale average 22 less than what he paid, so we are now underwater. The realtor told us our best option would be to rent it out. (mean while live where) We would be able to get another home loan in a year (as you cant have 2 mortgages even if one is a rental property becasue you have to have atleast 1 years proof of that rental being a viable income) SO unless we wipe out our savings take a HUGE loss and have no money for emergencys we are trapped in this hell hole we call ours. I am so damn angry and frustrated I don;t know what to do.
Re: trapped
Since no one else has responded I will!
I sympathize with you and I'm sorry you don't feel happy. However, at this point you don't have a whole lot of other options. Before you got married you had to of thought about your living arrangment, knowing you couldn't have your dog there and it being a smaller place. People live in a lot smaller places these days though. Use that as motivation to spend the next year working and saving. Pick up a 2nd job or craft on the side to help contribute to the savings. Your hard work in the end will pay off and you will think back and see what you overcame.
Maybe too, you can talk your hubby into a few updates on this future rental property which could result in a few more bucks in the end for your income.
Goodluck
Sorry but I feel like your being a pretty big wimp. My DH and I lived for years in a $hitty studio apartment in the ghetto while saving for our house. It was horrible but we stuck it out and now own a 4/3 in an amazing location. Lots of people are "stuck" in terrible situations.
Why don't you try putting some love into the condo and making it home. Paint is cheap, easy and goes a long way. Carpets aren't too expensive. I recommend making the place your own and planning for the future.
What do we not get?
I know it's hard to leave your parents the first time but honestly you are married and moving into a 2 bedroom condo. Not everyone owns and here you are complaining out it. I get the impression this is more about "leaving the nest" and being married than it is about the condo.
BTW, people come to these boards to get honest advice. Don't be rude to people who have taken time out of their day to read your story and respond. Sorry if you don't like the responses you're getting.
Um, you're being a brat.
You own your own home. Guess what? Most homeowners who bought in the last 3 years+ have homes that are now undervalued.
But some paint and shellack, get some new hardware, update the light fixtures, and give the old run down townhome some lovin'.
We bought a dilapidated (but very structurally sound!) one-story ranch over 5 years ago. We've replaced everything but the sheetrock. But we've paid 50% of our initial loan because we bought a fixer-upper significantly under our budget, have increased the value of our home long-term, and frankly, wouldn't dream of living anywhere else.
We do get what you are saying, you just don't want to hear what we are saying.
I agree with pps that you knew all of this before you moved in. You need to have a heart to heart with your DH. If you are going to stay there for any period of time, which it sounds like you are, then you need to make it into a place that you can both enjoy. I also HATED my DH's house when we got married. But I knew going in we would eventually sell it (we both owned homes) and it made it so much more bearable for me because i knew there was a time limit to my misery. Another option is to discuss a realistic time frame for moving. And go on a spending freeze and get second jobs and put all your money into getting out from under. When we sold DH's house we took a HUGE loss. It hurts.
This thread is why I love these boards. Where else is this chick going to get honest feedback that she desperately needs to hear?
I loved all the posts on this thread.
Good luck OP, really, no one means to hurt your feeling but you really need to grow up. Life isn't all rainbows and kittens, it's hard work. Take the advice you got here, it's gold. Best of luck.
PPs have all had great points. You can't expect your first place to be the same as the home you grew up in, and you KNEW this was coming. You also seem to have a pretty immature "no one understands me...wahhhh" attitude. Losing that and taking action to improve the situation will go a long way.
First, stop thinking of the home as a hell hole. That's stupid. For a couple grand and a bit of elbow grease, you can repaint the entire space, replace some carpets and linoleum, and clean the rest. Buy some new curtains and lamps and it'll start to feel more like home. Also, you said there's no room for your stuff, and I get why that's frustrating, so ask your DH to purge some of his stuff to make room.
We bought a year and a half before we should have after getting frustrated with an apartment search. Now, we're in a home that just doesn't completely meet our needs and isn't up to the caliber we'd like it to be (we just didn't have room in the budget at that time we bought). Oh well, we made that choice, and now we have to live in it for a few years. We're working with what we've got and making improvements here and there to meet our standards and increase the value faster. We're also saving as much as we can. It's just how life goes, and crying over it doesn't help.
It sounds kinda drastic to me. I'd agree, give the place a chance. My husband and I bought a fixer-upper. It was previously cramped, abandoned and had no utilities. Someone had broken in years ago and cut away everything of value such as all the pipes in the basement. Drywall upstairs was filthy and jagged, staircase was the kind that you'd fall down eventually. There were tonnes of other problems.
A few months later, it's looking great. New coat of paint on the walls, drywall done correctly, staircase removed to give more space to the kitchen, new staircase much nicer, and I'm looking forward to doing the garden in the spring.
The house you live in now was your husband's, and now it's both of yours to shape.
I'm laughing at OP's original post complaining about the 2 bedroom condo she is living in. Seriously? OP - if you think that is so horrible, I would kindly like to invite you to try living in the 400 square ft studio apartment that my H & I resided in for almost 10 years. Then come tell me how horrible your 2 bedroom condo is.
My living situation in the small studio apartment was not an ideal one, but my H owned the place already when we were dating, and he was accomodating to me when I moved in with him. Yes, it sucked having a small space, but we made do and it allowed us to save a lot of money and do things that we really wanted to do, such as saving for a down payment on our house.
It seems to me more like you are having H issues. Your H also needs to grow up and realize that this is no longer 'his' condo - it belongs to both of you and he needs to compromise somewhere and help make it a home that is suitable for both of you. You might want to remind him that putting a little effort into fixing it up will help add value to it, or in the very least, make it more appealing to buyers, thus making it easier to sell when the time does come for you guys to upgrade. Priorities.
You're crying yourself to sleep over paint colors and old linoleum? Really?
Look, you married your H and this home comes with him. If he doesn't want to do the work of painting, ball up and tell him you're going to do it yourself. Make the place yours. It is.