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He doesnt work - I want to throw in the towel
So DH and I have been together 8 years, married almost 5.
We are both very domesticated, but he does the lion share of the housework including cooking, because according to him ' I take too long and get distracted' (I organise as well as clean), I usually cook and clean for special occasions (entertaining, special meals for him to watch the game, if he's sick, or just randomly to surprise him). When he is working, its more 50/50 with the household.
My family didnt want me to marry him because he isn't financially stable. He had a good job when we met, but the company folded (within the first year of our relationship) and since then has not held a job for more than 18 months at a time. usually with 4-6 months in between jobs doing nothing (well except cooking and cleaning and washing)
While we get by, (I need to watch the money closely) we aren't able to save or live the life we always talked about; im not talking extravagance - im talking having the ability to save, flexibility for after work drinks or a dinner out or take out once in while, or mini breaks and vacations. Now....there are people doing alot worse; I have a very good job, but work 50-60 hours per week standard; I feel for working this hard I shouldnt have to eagle eye every penny and he needs to pull his financial weight.
This is such a frequent cycle I dont even know how to discuss it with him anymore. When I did raise it recently it he got very defensive (standard with him) which makes me frustrated because I feel like we are not communicating and I can't identify the breakdown. We both complain the other is impossible and can't seem to see it from the other's perspective.
I dont know how to show him support and feel let down. I had hoped by now we could have bought a house, but when we have to live off the savings for half a year, thats impossible. We discussed starting a family this year - 5 years ago he wanted them now! Today he's a little unsure. I think its because of the money. I am scared to be the main breadwinner in the house;i want to be able to take my full maternity leave and not have to go to work early because he isn't working.
I've spoken to him several times about maybe going back to school or getting career advice; at first he was against it, now he says perhaps but does nothing about it. I bring the laptop home and the first thing he does is put on the football. I dont feel like I should say (again) perhaps you could look for jobs? (instead of searching with his cell phone).
Its affecting everything. We hardly talk, Sex happens once a month on average.
This is not the life we discussed. This is not the life we said we wanted. This is not the life I wanted. My parents were right and more and more I question if this marriage was a mistake. I am so frustrated with the constant not working scenario and feel we are going no where in life, and have been thinking more and more, should I just give up on this?
Congrats if you got to the end and are still reading. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
Re: He doesnt work - I want to throw in the towel
Well...life is an adventure. To say 'this isn't the life we talked about' implies there is a right vs. wrong life and that you're guaranteed anything. We aren't. People get hit by cars and can't work. They get cancer and die. They find amazing jobs and are paid to do things they love. It's all an adventure.
The bigger questions are more about what you require for marriage. If it's 'til death do we part', then why are you posting? If you are more open to divorce if you're unhappy..what is unhappy enough? Everyone has a different line. Maybe if he realized how seriously this is affecting you me would act differently. Maybe he wouldn't. Talking to him honest, openly, and WITHOUT ultimatums, is the only way I can think of to know. If him not working is really a deal breaker and you will leave under X conditions, he should know that. But only say it if you mean it.
Has he got a hobby or some other talent that he could turn into a business?
If so, that is what I suggest.
I don't know what the extent of his education is or what field of work he was in but the job market out there is horrid. I've never seen it so bad and so dry, not even in 1992 when my company closed and it seemed like everyone was out of work and losing their jobs.
Give us more details.
I can only imagine that this must be so hard for you. BUT you two did say your vows, better or worse, rich or poor. Sad to say, LIFE HAPPENS. Seriously, girl, we just got married in September and my gosh, its been an adventure. Right from the beginning we have had to start paying medical bills, I had a seizure and have been having to go to the doc for the past 4 months now, and it has taken a toll on us. Having to pay this extra money from the start. We thought we would be in the positive $$ after the wedding and with all of our generous $$ gifts and all, yet nope. THis happened! Ya, nice beginning to a marriage, already money woes, but we are dealing what has been dealt. Life takes us wherever we need to be. Things may be difficult now, and a life we want is not usually the life we receive.
This thought is yours and his lives and we don't know the relationship between you two or the complete history, only you two do. But I would seriously just try to talk with him more. Don't pester him, which will probably make him not want to try but bring it up again sometime. Maybe at dinner calmly? He may feel like a failure, I know lots of men that feel that way if they aren't pulling their weight. Let him know how exhausted uyou are and if he just made a little $$ to help out, even with small things, like going out sometimes, even a part time job. He will probably have to do some things he doesn't like, which it seems he already has... It would be frustrating, but if you find a way to talk with eachother, things are possible.
Best of luck and I hope everything works out. God takes us on adventures to make us stronger, and makes us who we need to be and where we will end up 
Truth be told, we dont know squat about YOUR marriage. The details you've given are close to nothing. I would dance naked in the street if I could my man to do 50/50 of the house work, but I dont whine about it cause the man works full time and fills the freezer every year without fail. Where is the love? why did you get married? Life is short pal, put your big girl panties on and make a move for one thing or the other. But do right by both of you, dragging it out till you hate eachothers guts is wrong. Need a divorce, get one.
OR, if it doesn't work, try living separately again for a while. If he truly cares he will stay with you, learn a very valuable lesson, and get his act together because he'll have to.
You should also look at why he can't hold a job.
I'll point out a few things that seem obvious to me:
1) The unemployment situation was well known to you before you got married, so did you think it would fix itself or did you think you could ignore it? What made it ok 5 years ago but not now? While he may not being pulling in a paycheck, he is trying to contribute to the household by cooking, cleaning, etc etc.
2) IMO, it sounds as if you've already given up on the marriage. As I read, that thought was slowly entering my mind but as I read the last 2-3 paragraphs, I saw this was very evident. Are you even willing to work on the marriage? Are you willing to do what it takes to put the time into your marriage like you put into work? Yes, you work 50-60 hours a week but if you took an extra hour each night and truly focused on your marriage, imagine what you could accomplish.
3) How would you feel if he got a job that wasn't in his field? Would you feel better even if he was doing a job such as retail, working in a hospital (transport, tech/aide, etc), or as a server? Or are you wanting him to be working in his field of study? When he is let go of his jobs after only several months, do they tell him why? Is it because of the company and uncontrollable circumstances or because of his performance? Do you think with all the pressure you're putting on him is causing him to be depressed? (very likely)
4) If you're working as much as you claim to be at a "very good job", I find it hard that working 50-60 hours a week results in penny pinching for a household of 2. Cut back on things such as rent, groceries, clothing, recreation, etc and put some of that money into him furthering his education or counseling.
5) Get some counseling. For you. For him. For your marriage. You are sounding resentful of him, he's defensive and possibly depressed, and you're doubting your marriage. That extra hour of work I mentioned earlier, use it at counseling. If you truly want to make this work, that is a very minimal investment to save a marriage unless you've already given up on the marriage in your heart and your head.
I'm kind of late to the party and I hope you get to read this because this is exactly how things went in the beginning of me and my husbands marriage. For two years he was in and out of work, mostly out. We actually left each other for a small amount of time after 5 years of bliss aside from that one issue. I cannot believe how similar my feelings were to yours. I do have some advice. I am still happily married, I love my husband to the end of the earth and back and his work situation really hasn't changed much.
Here is something that I had to come to terms with. This is who my husband is. He doesn't like to work. He is VERY creative. The things he enjoys doing don't pay well. He was constantly trying to do right by me and wait for jobs that paid well or that made me proud. This meant he would go up to a year without a job. It caused so much friction. I was raised to work hard and move up where ever you are. Ive only had one job since we've met and I make pretty good money and I work full time. That's who I am. It's NOT who he is. He wasn't happy working those jobs and it affected our marriage. So whether he was working, he was unhappy. If he wasn't working, I was unhappy.
I had to look at things differently. I decided to help him think outside the box and find a job he could actually enjoy and I let him look for part-time jobs. We ended up finding something absolutely perfect for him. He works with animals and only makes $200 a week. Our marriage has come SO far. We're more financially stable, not by much, but we're getting by. We communicate better, we have sex more often, and things have evened out around the house as far as chores. We just welcomed our first son last month and he gets to be around the baby more than most dads. We budget, but I'm okay with giving up the finer things to be in a happier marriage.
There was a point where I thought my marriage might be over, but I wasn't going to go out without a fight and I'm glad I never gave up. My marriage isn't traditional but we're very happy. People place a lot of judgement that he works retail at his age while I work a good and stable job, but that's what it took for us to meet halfway.
I apologize for the length. Good luck!