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Baby Fever
H totally has baby fever and wants to knock me up ASAP. Back in the fall we decided that we would TTC the following fall (2013 fall) or at least revisit the conversation about babies and decide when we should TTC. I am going to be 27 in September and I want to be at least pregnant or have a child by the time I am into my 28th year.
I feel like my biological clock is slightly ticking away. Possibly because my sister, my mother and MIL all had children by the time they were 25. I want to have more than one child and I want them to be at least 4 years apart and I don't want to be too old when I have my second child.
Plus what if we can't conceive right away and then I am kicking myself for not trying to get pregnant sooner? I have babies on the brain so much that all of my dreams this last week have revolved around me having a baby.
I am not worried about how we can physically take care of a baby, but I am worried about the financials. We both make decent money and my mom has said she will provide free childcare for any children we have so we won't have to worry about daycare.
But how do you know if you can financial pay for a child?
Re: Baby Fever
I will give you advice my FIL gave me "you can never afford a child." MIL and FIL waited till they thought they could afford kids which made them older and then they were too old to do the fun things with H and his brother and that's one of the reasons H doesn't want us to wait because he said how much he hated it.
I do believe you are never ready but the way I would look at it is: do you have stable jobs, do you have money in savings (extra money each paycheck), do you have a stable home, and reliable vehicles? You don't want to have to make a big purchase after a baby is born so do them now.
Also go price baby supplies like diapers, wipes, formula, etc that you buy every month and see if spending that extra money each month fits into your budget.
I hope this helps!!!
I'm sure if you Google how to budget for a baby, there would be tons of helpful advice for you out there!
I agree with mancila though - but to a point. I'd also think of other things besides baby clothes, furniture, diapers, etc. What about medical insurance? dental? vision? hearing? life insurance? Increase in utility bills - can't have the house at 65 degrees all winter with an infant.
I'd perhaps meet with a financial adviser to have a neutral 3rd party look at your finances. Have you already started saving for retirement? Do you have life insurance in place? These things might not be baby related per se, but you definitely don't want to bring a child into the world without life insurance just in case the worst were to happen to you, your H, or both. My SIL is struggling financially because her husband did not have life insurance outside a very small policy through his work.
I'm sure you guys can find a way to work it out though, but I'm sure for a lot of couples that means a bit of sacrifice spending-wise. Just by the virtue that you are even thinking about it is a good sign. It pisses me off when people have kids they can't afford because it's those kids who suffer, and it's the rest of us that end up picking up the check for everything.
I believe there is never a 'perfect' time to have a child. You will never have enough money or free time but the fact that you are aware of each of these is a great start. I agree that there is more to having a baby then just being able to afford diapers and clothing. Does your insurance cover maternity leave? Do you have a savings/emergency fund in place to help with the bills if you don't get a paid maternity leave? Is your home in good condition? Are you going to have to buy a new roof within the next 3-5 years or any appliances? Anything could happen and it is important to be as prepared as possible.
As far as having a 'schedule' for having child seems silly to me. What happens if you don't become pregnant by the time you are 28? Are you going to be disappointed? I feel having all these plans in place is only setting you up for disappointment if they don't happen as planned. I'm a firm believer in whatever happens, happens and you can't plan your life to be a certain way.
Random side note - Are you currently on BC? It can take a woman's body up to a year to get back to a regular cycle after being on BC so that is something else to consider.
This is my attitude 100%.
Thanks ladies, you definitely gave me excellent advice!
If I don't have a baby or am pregnant by the time I am 28 I won't be disappointed. I know life doesn't go according to plan, but I just like to have one. I used to say I wanted kids by the time I was 25. I would only be disappointed or discouraged if when we do decide we are ready we find out we can't conceive at all.
Who knows, maybe we won't be ready until I am 30.
I used to think that I need to have kids at 25! Then it was 27. Now, I've noticed all the successful women at work started in their 30's so while we do want to have one in a year or so, I'm also ok waiting a little longer as well.
I agree you'll never be totally financially ready and sometimes, you have to make sacrifices/compromises. I also said I would never have a child in our cozy little home. Now my outlook is if we have one and don't buy a new house for a year, can I live with that? I think so.
Anyway, since I work in the Financial Services industry, I 100% agree with Aurora's advice to have a Financial Adviser look at your finances. Even without baby on the brain, it's still a good idea! He or she could make some recommendations of other things you would want to plan for such as life insurance and college savings. You also might want to have a back-up plan in place for daycare if something happens and your mom isn't able to provide childcare.
I think it's wonderful you are thinking all these things through.
Good luck!!
The last time I had baby fever I looked at these two calculators and they stopped me dead in my "i wanna make a baby" tracks!
this one covers the first year: http://www.babycenter.com/baby-cost-calculator
and this one is more long term (considering college, etc.): http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator
I would also recommend talking to a financial advisor. That's actually the next step for H & I. We're hoping to be able to be able to afford a house and start seriously thinking babies by the time we're 30 (only 2 1/2 years away)! Like everyone else has said the perfect time for kids will never come, but we want to have all of our big ducks in a row first.
I skimmed the posts and agree with everyone for the most part. There's no "right time" and my mom always said you don't think you can afford it, but you will always make it work.
If it makes you feel any better, before and during us TTC we went back and forth all the time, "are we ready? will we be good parents? do we have the money? etc, etc, etc"
I think now that I'm actually knocked up it's a little worse. We DEFINITELY want this baby and tried for this baby, but there are days where I'm like, "Holy crap! Am I ready for this?!?!" But I'm already 28 and DH is pushing 30 and we want lots of kids so we decided to get the ball rolling :-P
Good luck in your decision, and definitely trash the BC if you're thinking of TTC this fall, it took me 6 months for my body to regulate after quitting Nuva Ring.
My BFP Chart Danger Love Blog
My baby is here and we still have these thoughts! Hahaha It's going to be tough but honestly, having my son was the best decision I have ever made. Sure we won't have as much free time or spare cash and we're super exhausted but I've always wanted to be a mom and H always wanted to be a dad. I know not everyone thinks this way though so it really is a personal decision. There will never be the perfect time but I don't regret having my son at all.