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Do I Have A Say?
My brother is getting married in June of 2014 and they are thinking of the third Saturday in June (21st). He asked H to be a GM.
H's younger brother is graduating HS either the first or second Saturday of June. We will not know which one until September.
When my brother mentioned to his FI that H would not be at the wedding if they got married during the first or second weekend she freaked out because she thought my brother was telling her they couldn't get married on one of those weekends...
I don't want to sound selfish, but with it being my brother's wedding and my husband (also a GM) possibly not making it, is it too much to ask them to not have the wedding one of those weekends?
From the way my FSIL spoke, it seems that is not one of her priorities...
Re: Do I Have A Say?
i agree with this. Although its crappy that they'd want to have their wedding on a day that doesn't work for someone in the wedding party, it's ultimately their decision.
Maybe they'll have a later in the day wedding and your H can go to the graduation in the morning/afternoon and then the wedding in the evening.
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I am just so hurt that they would even consider having their wedding on a day that doesn't work for an immediate family member. Our family is so close and it would be very strange to have a big family event without an important member. I would never have made our wedding date on a day that didn't work for my brother's FI back when they were BF & GF. She is a member of our family and I would want her at my wedding. I feel so hurt that she isn't thinking that way...
They are not set on a specific date. They have said they wanted a June wedding and are thinking of the 21st. They haven't made any major decisions regarding vendors.
There is absolutely no way that H can attend both events on the same day. BIL's graduation is in VT and the wedding is in MA. Total travel time of 6 hours.
Wait ... I might be reading this wrong but they want to have their wedding the third Saturday in June but your BIL's graduation might be the first or second weekend? So I don't understand the problem if they aren't on the same weekend.
That being said, I agree with PPs. You told them about the possible conflict. There's nothing else you can do. In the end, it's their choice.
They are *thinking* they would like to get married the 21st, but nothing has been booked, and they haven't ruled out other Saturdays in June if that date doesn't work for their venue choice, or they just change their mind in general.
I agree with the others, I don't think you can outright ask them to not have the wedding these dates. But you can tell them if the wedding is so-and-so date that you and your H will not be able to make it, and if they want it that day then they will have to celebrate without you and find another GM (because something tells me that uneven sides is something your FSIL would absolutely hate. Just a guess
In truth it isn't selfish to wish that you are important enough in their lives to pick a different date. I'd have picked a different date if my brother or SIL wouldn't have been able to make it. No brainer. If FSIL doesn't care that you guys won't be there because she wants a certain date, then THAT is selfish. You guys aren't just an average wedding guest, you are immediate family like you said.
All this...unfortunately I think we all learned while planning our own weddings, that there are a lot of selffish people in the world when it comes to weddings. The "All About Me" drive kicks in and there is no stopping them.
You made them aware of a possible conflict in your lives and your FSIL should be respectful and grateful to you for letting her know. At this point I think it is out of your control and you and H will just have to determine what will work for the two of you. If it's something that your H goes to the graduation and you go to the wedding, would you be ok with that. I know it sucks, but this is married life and the choices we have to make.