Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
team green or am I just being reactionary?
I was always on the fence about being team green.
I would prefer a girl, so I know I would be slightly disappointed to find out I was having a baby, but I know if I was holding my new baby, I wouldn't care.
Also, I dont like super sex/gender specific themes/stuff. I would prefer to have the nursery and baby gear be gender neutral. This is the first grandbaby on both sides, so the grandmas are already planning to make/buy items. My mom said she is waiting to find out if it is a boy or girl. Dh's mom has (apparently) already purchased a lot of clothes (according to FIL).
In the wake of my sister telling all my personal information to my dad (who I dont speak to). It kind of "pushed me over the edge" into wanting to be team green. But then, I wonder if I am just being reactionary?
Dh was kind of leaning toward finding out. I talked to him about it this weekend and I think he is open to team green if I had a strong opinion.
What do you gals think? Am I just reacting to being upset with what I view as my personal information being shared or is it a well thought out plan?
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Re: team green or am I just being reactionary?
Nicole and Sam 10/3/09
This. I do think this is an attempt to take back some control of the situation, but it's really not necessary. I know you are upset that he knows things you didn't want him to, but finding out less things (going team green) isn't going to change that.
*Butting in from GP*
Could you just have the tech put the gender in an envelope for you that way you can decide what you want to do once the dust has settled and you've had time to process everything? If you still want to be Team Green, just throw the envelope away. If not, then you can open it and find out.
In Christ alone my hope is found. He is my LIGHT, my STRENGTH, and my SONG!
T-TTC since Dec 2008. PCOS/nonexistant cycles(anovulation) and endo. HSG in '10 revealed both tubes blocked. Lap surgery in Dec '10 to correct. Failed Clomid/IUI and injectable(Bravelle)/IUI cycles so far.
Or be team sneaky. Find out but don't tell anyone else. fwiw: I'm just now putting together J's nursery but everyone close to me knew it wasn't going to be a boy like nursery. Just patterns and colors. I didn't register for bedding (until someone asked me to put sheets on there though they didn't buy them so....whatever) and don't like bedding sets unless more modern and pattern-y. So nobody really bought us anything super boyish, except maybe some sports onesies. If people want to make things just tell them the kinds of things you are thinking/not thinking about doing for the nursery and leave it at that. If they don't comply, take the gift and put it away for later use. We got some steeler stuff that someone made and I use the burp cloths because we need them but the rest got put aside. I'm not a steelers fan. Though my mom reminded me that he is a boy and I shouldn't impede on him not liking a sports team so not to throw the stuff totally away. Fair enough!
So.....yes, you may be reacting a bit emotionally to what has happened. But I honestly can't blame you. If you want to keep secrets from here on out you are entitled.
Because of my slight preference for a girl and wanting to do gender neutral nursery/gear.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
You can still do a gender neutral nursery/gear if you do find out. Just because someone buys you something pink or blue you can always return it.
I think you need to figure out if you would rather go through a bit of gender disappointment at 20 weeks or at birth. Either way, you may not actually be disappointed. If you find out you're having a boy at 20 weeks you have 20 more to be OK with it. If you find out at birth, you have a healthy baby in arms and maybe you won't mind.
I was on the fence about it and dh was kind of leaning toward finding out.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
She has a point. Either way, if you have a boy, there will be some disappointment. I understand. After losing a girl, I wanted to have a girl. The first words out of my mouth when the tech told us "It's a boy!" were "oh shitt!" True story. But right now I couldn't imagine having a girl. I gradually got used to the boy idea (like I had a choice), and once he's in your arms you won't care.
But yeah. You're either disappointed at 20 weeks and have time, or disappointed at birth.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
This! It doesn't sound like you had your heart set on being team green, so if you both want to find out, then find out. My registry wouldn't have been much, if any, different if I'd known I was having a girl. She has a monster nursery and all the spendy things are neutral for future use. I was actually accused of knowing that we were having a boy because my registry was so neutral (which always leans toward boyish, it seems).
In short, yes, I think you're reacting based on emotion. Do what they two of you really want to do regardless of anyone else.
Do you guys really think I would be disappointed at birth? It seems I would be so excited, I wouldn't care. But I have never given birth before, so I dont know.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
You better be. Or else you have a cold heart. Hopefully by then you bonded with the baby, boy or girl. If you think you might be disappointed at birth then I suggest you find out so that you have 20 weeks to deal.
I had some crying fits over having a boy because I didn't know what to do with him, I worried DH would bond more than I would and I grieved the loss of flower headbands. But I wasn't disappointed. I was far too grateful to be disappointed. It makes me sad that you might be that upset over having a boy.
I think you should try to put aside all feelings about your family and just focus on you and DH...decide together if want to find out or be team green.
If you decide to find out then go for it...but if it were me I would make sure that your sister is the absolute last person to know the sex. Just because I am spiteful.
I wouldn't say I would be "sad". I think just a little disappointed.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
i didn't say that you would be sad. i said that it made me sad that you might be that upset. or, in your own words, disappointed.
my advice stands: if you might be disappointed i would find out sooner than later so that if it is a boy you can adjust. that little baby doesn't deserve to have one single ounce of disappointment attached to it from it's mom. none at all. he's not going to find out that you're his mom and be a little bit disappointed. instead he is going to love you with his whole entire heart and then some. he's going to smile at you and giggle and watch for you if you leave his side. so please figure out how to deal with your feelings, which you are entitled to have, before finding out (whether soon or at birth). your baby deserves that. girls are not better than boys. they have cuter clothes sometimes, but that's about it. let's keep things in perspective at how blessed you are to be pregnant.
I agree with this. You and DH need to make this decision together, don't worry about what anyone else wants you to do. If you do decide to find out you don't have to tell anyone. You can keep it a secret until the baby is born, or until your shower. You can still register for everything gender neutral.
I was team green and absolutely loved it, but it's not for everyone.
Personally, I think being team green to keep your family from learning the sex of your baby, and to somehow circumvent any disappointment if your baby is a boy, are not the right reasons to be team green.
I agree with everyone who said your regitstry and nursery can still be gender neutral. And honestly most of the stuff I have for my baby boy is pretty gender-neutral stuff. The majority of his clothes are things I would have no issues with a girl wearing (featuring designs like puppies, moose, whales, etc -- they don't really scream "boy"). If you do have a girl, even if you are team green, people will probably pummel you with girly stuff after she's born, but you can always return the things you don't like.
I think you are still reeling from your sister's betrayal, which is totally understandable, but I don't think learning the sex of your baby should really come into play when dealing with that issue. I also don't know if you would experience any disappointment at birth, but I feel like if I had a preference toward one sex or the other, I would rather find out sooner rather than later so I can come to terms with those feelings beforehand.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
It comes off as you might be. I don't, in reality, think you would be so disappointed at birth. It's an exciting time, and if you're not happy to have a healthy baby, well then...yeah. Like a PP said though, trying to keep info from your family is not the right reason to be team green. You should do it because you want to do it and you and your H think it would be fun. Maybe you should find out and not tell anyone else. You said you like neutral stuff, so it shouldn't be too hard to hide from everyone else.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
5 cats. 1 baby.
thanks ladies for all the replies.
I have a lot to think about, luckily we have a while.
I think perhaps I came across a little strong in my preference for a girl. It is only a slight preference. I grew up with two sisters and I do volunteer work with pre-teen and teen girls, so girls are what I know.
Blue is my favorite color :-) If I find out it's a boy, I might be a *little* disappointed, but I don't think it would last more than a few minutes. I don't even think I would cry, and I almost cried tonight because I was so hungry for dinner! I am excited to be PG and hopeful that the baby will be healthy.
I am still feeling pretty emotional about the family things that have been ongoing. I think once I get a little more distance from it, I will be able to think more clearly about what I feel like needs to be kept private and what I am willing to share.
thank you all for your input. :-)
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
FWIW....
I really, really wanted a girl. I wanted to find out so that I wouldn't be disappointed at the birth.
And the second that I found out it was a boy, I was madly in love. There was zero sense of disappointment ever- in regards to the sex.
You may not be as disappointed as you think.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
thank you. :-)
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
This reminded me -- maybe you can compromise. DH and I aren't telling anyone our baby's name until he's born. It's also making our families nuts. We aren't doing it for that reason, but it is kind of fun to have a secret.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!