Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Could it be the real thing?
So, I'm about to graduate high school this spring. My boyfriend (of a year and a half) and I are accepted to the same university and plan to go to college together. We are also looking at apartments around the university and are planning to move in together right before the fall semester. We are very independent and have considered all of the financial risks of moving in together so young. But what about the emotional risks? Plus, he is military, and could be called up to be deployed at any time. Everyone is telling me I'm too young for all of this, but I feel secure with him. I just feel like we may lose the romance in our relationship, since we'll both be working and going to school. Help?
Re: Could it be the real thing?
My husband and I were started dating our senior year in high school then went to the same college. You change a lot during college, most couples do not make it through freshman year. The reason being most couples that get together in high school are not compatible. Unless you give yourself the space to grow you could just prolong the inevitable. It you do make it through it is nice to have space as you mature and grow. Being in the same space could actually be detrimental. If you can't make it together through college and work then you stand little chance once college is over or when the hard stuff really hits.
Also, is your BF doing the officer program or enlisted? You mention college and being called up so I am unclear as to his status. I ask b/c DH was in the ROTC program, so I have some knowledge of what is involved.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Play it by ear.
I wold not move in with him if I were you --- get the full college experience. Get the roommate/suitemate, go to college functions, enjoy the college life; experience everything there is to offer.
You won't get this time in your life back.
He is enlisted.
I met my husband when I was young like you. We are now 35, and have been married for 6 years. We were always with each other through our 20's, college, etc. Our marriage is wonderful, and we still are very compatible with each other and love each other very much, and have done well in life. I do think we are NOT the norm, however. While it is very possible he could be your future husband, the odds are you will both grow apart. My other friends who had boyfriends out of HS have long since moved past each other.
While I do not regret marrying my husband and being with him for so long, deep down Im kind of sad that I didnt really do the whole "college life" scene, go party more, go out with different guys, have a roomate, or just drop everything and go work at the beach during the summer.
Like the above poster said, these are years you can never get back. You have plenty of your adult life to be devoted to one person. But I do agree that you should get a roomate, college dorm, and experience your 20's without being with your BF 24/7. You will be able to discover who you really are. If you and your BF are meant to be together, it will happen.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Look, you have your entire life to explore. If this relationship is meant to be, why does it have to be right now? If you rush into things at 17 or 18, you are sure to regret missing out on life experiences such as living in a dorm or even living on your own.
What's the rush anyways?
This. Dorms are a completely unique experience. You won't want to miss out on that. You two will still be able to spend the night in eachother's dorm rooms.
This is pretty much what I was going to say. Clinging to each other and trying to force this to be The One is a pretty good way to ruin what might be the love of a lifetime, especially at this age.
So he will be working while you are in school, correct? How long is he stationed near your college? He could be deployed, reassigned, have a million grunt duties to attend complete (assuming first year), training, etc. It is a far better idea logistically to build a support system outside of this relationship.
Living in dorms is a unique experience that everyone should try once. You don't have to party and live it up to enjoy the experience. If you don't like it after a semester or two you can always get an apartment together later.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
H and I have been together since we were 15. We have never broken up, we went to the same college but we both lived in the dorms not the same building but the dorms. Our second year we moved in with friends, and our third year we finally moved in together. So much happens as you get older new people, experiences, etc. It is alright to stay together but personally I would advise against moving in together for your first year of college. We still were able to enjoy all the college experiences minus the dating other people because it never led to that. We finished college and got married two years later, so we've only been married since September. Together for 10 years this year and I can honestly say that our relationship is better because we didn't smother or try to force preconcieved wishes/dreams/expectations about what our relationship should be. We just let it be and it has remained.
If your relationship can handle school/military then you will know that you can handle adult life.
Give dorm life a year or two before you move in together. You'll learn a lot from having roommates, and what you learn from having roommates will serve you well when you do eventually move in with your boyfriend. Some of that stuff you don't really want to learn on somebody you love anyway (and I would similarly advise you against rooming with your BFF if you were proposing that). You'll make more friends if you live on campus, and if he does deploy, you'll need them. It's also easier to get help on your home work and studying for exams on campus.
I know so many other have said this, but it's worth saying again: most high school relationships don't survive college. Now I know I don't know you and I don't know your relationship, but I do know that 5 years and a baby from now, you don't want to look back and wonder if you only stayed together because emotionally or financially it would have been too hard to break up. What's more romantic than staying together? Knowing that you stayed together for the right reasons.
I realize that in high school your class schedule is very rigid, but in college it isn't that way. You could have classes and labs at night, and if you don't have classes you will definitely have homework. I can guarantee that there will be a lot of nights where the 2 of you will get in each others way. Do you have a plan for study time? I know it sounds lame, but if you live together in a college-budget apartment one of you is probably going to have to leave if you are going to get anything done.
I'm not trying to be harsh with this, but do you have an exit plan? What if things don't go how you hope that they will? Can you afford to pay for an entire month's rent and utilities and food on your own? You won't be able to get into a dorm mid semester, so you will probably be stuck living on your own at least until the end of the semester, or you find a new roommate.
If you start out in the dorms and you hate it, you can always move out after a semester. It is a lot easier to move out of a dorm than to move into one in the middle of a semester.
It seems to me like you need to do some more thinking, and honestly you should probably listen to what the people in your life are telling you. If everyone in your life is telling you that it's a bad idea, and you're too young to move in together, then maybe they're right. It might seem like they are trying to hold you back, but in reality they are probably just concerned about you.
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide though.