May 2012 Weddings
geojam224
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I feel sad today
Before H quit his last job, I was pretty depressed. He was working 8am to 2am almost everyday, and he was studying for the CPA. I told myself that we were strong enough as a couple that I could handle his absence like a couple in a long distance relationship does. Well, I didn't have any local friends and I just sat in my apartment alone, until I got my cat. It was such a sad and pathetic existence. Lately, I'm starting to feel the same way. His new job is starting to walk all over him and he's looking into this career change so he's taking some classes at a community college. Just like when he worked that other job, he's working long hours (nothing like before though, today he worked 5am to 5pm) and when he's home, he's studying, so it's like he's not really here to see me. All we talk about is what I consider the scary new career path. I hate how H makes it so easy for jobs to take advantage of him, he's willing to work those stupid hours, so it's partly his fault. I just miss him so much. I cried twice today because I realized how similar this feels to when he was at his last job and I was in my deep depression. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, yet. But that's where I'm headed if there's much more of this. I have less tolerance for an absent H than I used to. It sucks.
Re: I feel sad today
I'm sorry to read your post =[
Maybe if you & your H sat down and really talked about this? I think you need to let him know how seriously this affects you, as well as him. Maybe you guys could set aside one night a week for a "date night" and be absolutely dedicated letting nothing interfere on that day. I think no matter what field he is in, any job can walk all over you. I'd say if he wants to go into nursing it will be just as demanding if not more demanding of his time.
I meant to comment on your last post about him possibly getting into nursing. I am by no means an expert on the nursing field, but there was randomly a news special on one day talking about how difficult it is for new nursing graduates to find a job since the field is so saturated. Pretty much sounds like many nursing openings cherry pick people with experience and a lot advertise that people have to have experience to even apply. This article is pretty much what the news was saying, something like 43% of new nursing graduates aren't able to find a job after graduation:
http://www.bizjournals.com/albuquerque/blog/morning-edition/2013/01/Nursing-school-grads-cannot-find-jobs.html
My MIL isn't a nurse but she also works in the healthcare field as an x-ray tech - another field that is over saturated. She can't find a full time position anywhere so now she works 2 part time jobs, which sucks for her benefits wise and also because one of them is 3rd shift and one of them is not. People who work in the healthcare field also have a hard time taking off holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving.
I think your H really needs to seriously consider whether a new career is really a good idea given the current economic situation and the local economy where you live. And also consider if it is really the best thing for your relationship, too.
He's looking into doing a phlebotomy program that is one semester long, but is a bit more expensive than the other health care licenses out there, so not everyone and their mom has one. Also, I keep telling him I'm scared about him leaving his job for this, and he reminds me that he works in finance at this company, so he knows they are not doing well financially and he's expecting to get laid off soon. Sht.
I don't know. I just feel sad. He's hanging out with his "little brother" tonight (From the Big Brother Big Sister program), so I'm still home alone. There's just always something. :- But I feel selfish for wanting him with me instead of letting him hang out with an at-risk troubled preteen.
Ahh, okay. If layoff seems imminent then a preemptive move might be best. Waiting around for a layoff sucks, I'm sorry to hear that is where things seem to be heading with him. My dad was laid off from his job of 20 years back in 2006 right before the economy reallllllly took a dive. It took him 6 months to find another position and now I'm hearing that the company he works for now is doing layoffs again so I'm nervous for him = Would there be any sort of "layoff package" if your H were to wait to get the official axe? I know for my dad he had 6 months of layoff pay or something like that.
I can totally understand where you are coming from though if your H is the type to always be doing SOMETHING. The guy I dated before H was always doing something - he went to school, had an apprenticeship, was involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. I don't want to sound like the girl who has to be the #1 priority ALL the time, but the problem was that I was never the priority - school and work and extracurriculars ALWAYS came first, and then I got whatever time was left over. It wasn't the ultimate reason why our relationship ended but it certainly played a supporting role in my decision to end it.
I guess I obviously don't know you guys personally, and even if I did sometimes there's no real great advice to give. I think it just goes all back to the almighty communications. If it were me and I was feeling that icky about everything I'd really sit down with my H and tell him how I was feeling. Maybe your H could compromise and cut out some of his extracurricular activities so he can spend more time with you. Or maybe you could also become involved in some of his?
Jamael!
This is where you are supposed to call/text me! I used to feel this way! I still do when H is stuck at work till 9:30. It sucks. Just remember that everything he does is going to help your little family. It so hard but you DO have a friend... (me, for the record). I know it is hard, especially during the week, but you can always call or text and I will make time to listen. Sometimes, that can be all you need. BTW- Was your FIL WSM booth ok?
I completely understand how you feel. While H and I were engaged, he was gone overseas for 6 months before I got to see him for 2 weeks then he was gone for another 5 months. We barely got to talk and when we did it was through a choppy Skype connection so it was basically a let me see your face, hear your voice and tell you that I love you!
During that time I really learned to focus on myself. The first 2 months were the hardest but I learned to spend time focusing on my friends/family and strengthening those relationships because I needed them during that time. I found a hobby to keep myself busy. While my situation was different then yours, I understand the feelings you are having. The thing is that you can dwell on it or you do something about it. I agree that you need to talk with your husband and make him understand how you are feeling but maybe you need to find something to be involved in as well so you can have some time out of the house. Communication is the biggest thing and hopefully you can exress your feelings to your H without it becoming too much of an issue.
As far as the job situation goes, I worry that in another 5 years he'll want to change jobs again. Like Sam said, I don't know you guys personally, and maybe that wouldn't be the case but it just seems like he went to school for the finance thing, now he wants to change career paths for something different. If the nursing thing doesn't work out, is his fall back to go back to the finance career? Will he find a job easily with that fall back choice. I don't want to be a negative Nancy but I am always a 'what if' thinker. Has he researched job openings in the field he is interested in going in to. Maybe he should shadow at a hospital or clinic to make sure it is really what he wants to do. I know while I was going through school, there were girls that made it 3/4 of the way through the program then quit because it wasn't what they wanted to do anymore because the job didn't always involve puppies and kittens.
I hope I haven't come off to harsh but I just hope your H has thought of all the possibilities before he makes any major decisions. I'm not saying he wouldn't but sometimes it's nice to have an outsiders take on the situation. I hope you two can sit down and talk soon and work everything out so you can get out of the funk you're in right now *Hugs*
First...I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You guys will get through this hard time.
I do understand the feeling lonely. The refer to people married to chefs, a chef widow. So I completed understand the lonely crazy work schedule. Thankfully, he finally got a job that is a day shift, we had to take a pay cut but its been the best for our lives. It is so hard, hopefully he can find a balance somewhere. You guys are still young, he has time to figure it out.
SIde note...Im a nursing admissions counselor, nursing is TOUGH and hard. Nursing school is not only the hardest program to get into but also the toughest to stay in. The school I work for is known for its bsn program and has a strong high NCLEX pass rate and it still takes our students 6 mnths to a year to find a job. I am seeing a ton of people coming back to go to nursing for a career change and its hard not impossible but it will be a difficult route if he chooses it.
Good luck and hope you two can get through this time period. Please talk to someone if you fall deeper into depression. HUGS
I talked to him today about it and said that our marriage needs to be a priority; his extracurriculars are a little out of control, even though they are all very noble ones, but he needs to make time for us first. He was very receptive, it went very well, and we had a wonderful date tonight.
Sam: He wants to wait for the official layoff. They have already done a round of layoffs and he is expecting more. He wants to put off quitting as long as possible and if he gets laid off, it will be the perfect catalyst to make the career switch, and he gets paid a severance package for doing it.
Mailyn: I thought about asking if we could hang out, but I was afraid to ask you to drop your Friday night plans at the drop of a hat for me. I really needed to see somebody, I didn't think talking on the phone would help. EDIT: My FIL's WSM stand was kind of ok. It was about 3 stands down from the fire, so we had some smoke damage and and we had to throw out all the product that was sitting in the counter. Luckily we had vacuum-sealed and put a bunch of product int he basement cooler the night before the fire, so we didn't have a whole lot in the counter still- and insurance should more than cover the cost of that lost product. But we have been closed for 2 weeks, so that kind of hurts business...
Sarah: He throws himself at everything 110%, which is one reason why I love him, but another reason why we're in this mess. He has done so much research on this new career, it's ridiculous. He knows every type of health care market out there right now because of his overdone research. He says that a big reason why people can't find jobs is because they get picky about what kind of job they want- nursing home jobs aren't very glamorous and those jobs are available. He's willing to work the nitty gritty.
Melissa: Also, he's a bit of a perfectionist, so he doesn't accept anything less than straight As. He loves the challenge of a competitive program, and I know he will e at the top of his class. He will go without sleep for weeks to be at the top of his class.
This is exactly why I love this board. So much support, honesty, and wisdom. Thank you all of you. Seriously.
Don't worry about anything at the drop of the hat... seriously. Anytime
I am glad the WSM stand wasn't too damaged. Hopefully they get everything back up and running soon. First weekend up, I will be there to show some support.