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crazy new grandma Syndrome?
Ok my mother in law, great lady, she is a type A personality, shes 100% organized and on top of everything, if people around her are not doing things fast enough she just takes over and does everything her way. WELL now her daughter has had their first baby, she has become insane, they live 2 hours away and according to one of the sisters that lives there cause she was in school...shes been there every weekend since hes been born. also she always has to be holding the baby, if anyone is holding the baby, (including mommy) SHE takes him.... my husbands sister clearly doesn't mind, she sees it as helping out... but her kids all see it as "wtf mom you had your chance when you raised 4 kids, now its your kids turn to get a feel for it"
My husband thinks that she is acting this way because as they were growing up, his mom worked 16-20 hour days, and was stressed and they were always out with their grandparents, So he thinks she is trying to make up for it, we dont know... Any advice would be great that i can use to pass on to my husband and his siblings who are on their last nerve with their mother
Re: crazy new grandma Syndrome?
I'm wondering if your SIL truly feels that she is 'helping out' or is just putting on a front because she's not sure how to react or afraid to speak up because she doesn't want to 'make waves'. My SIL is like this - she yes's my MIL to death and for me it is funny to watch because I know this is going to bite her in the a$$ later once she has a child.
While I feel like it is the husband's responsibility to deal with his family (ie: the in-laws), I think that all bets are off once you have a child and that as the wife and mother, you have every right to speak up and put your foot down - especially when someone oversteps boundaries with your children.
I don't know. Maybe SIL really does feel she is helping her by coming every weekend . If that is the case, I would let it be.
If your husband doesn't want her to take the baby, then don't let her. Look at her straight in the eye and say " Stop, I'm holding the baby now, you can hold him later.""
Yeah who knows, but shes pissing off everyone else in the process by thinking she can do whatever she wants.....
and about telling her no... everyone has tried...shes THAT bad. she will just take him.. when they all go places, SHE has to walk in with him on her arm. i get being a proud first time grandma, but we all agree she is taking it too far
Ugh. Yea, that's definitely annoying. I'm hoping some of the other ladies who may have experienced this chime in with some advice. I'm sure they will tell you to stay out of it, but at the same time, I think this is a good time to get advice for when you eventually will have to deal with it when you guys have children and how to best handle this kind of situation.
You know - I've never gone over to the Bump forums, but maybe you can look there and see if anyone has posted about this kind of situation too....I'm sure this has come up over there....
I am keeping my nose out of it, chalking it up to being a new grandma, i am trying not to let it bother me like my hubby and his siblings are bothered by it... i am only using it as a learning lesson for when we have children, cause i love her, i do shes wonderful, but no one needs to be over that much, its the parents job to raise it, grandparents are the good ones who get the fun stuff, sure they can help raise, but they had their time "raising" kids now its their kids turn to raise what they created...
I will definatly look over on the bump and see
Well again, I wouldn't say anything about how often she is there. That is between her and the parents and none of your concern. Having a new baby can be overwhelming especially when recovering from a difficult birth.
I guess I am confused how someone could physically take a baby from you? Unless the parents are asking her to take the baby from your husband, he can absolutely tell her no. He just has to be firm, maybe he should even turn his back to her.
His mom is just the type that she has to take control of everyone and everything..
and well she just comes in and says "ill take him now" and if you go to turn away or say "its okay ive got it" she gets very defensive and says "i can make the crying stop faster then you can"
Well see she behaves this way because people are afraid to tell her no and really stand up to her. At a certain point, someone in your family will just have to ignore her or continue to tell her no. She has learned that when she gives an attitude, people will do what she wants, so she will keep doing it.
Keep telling her no, yes even if the baby is crying. The only time I would relent is when the parents tell you to.
Also I am curious, what is the new mom's reaction when grandma takes him ? Is she relieved or annoyed ? HAs anyone talked to her about what she thinks of having her mom around so much ?
Again, some woman really do want that help and other don't.
This is where No. is a complete sentence. She does this because she gets away with it. You use excuses as to why the behavior should be avoid ("No it's okay, I've got that") when she can easily railroad into what she wants. Just use the term No. No thanks. No thank you. I do not need help. And enforce it.
You can't help your SIL in this situation, she will have to fix it herself.
When or if you have a baby and she pulls this crap with you, you had better stop it each and every time. So what if she does it better, faster or her way?!? Seriously when she says that say that to her, SO WHAT?!?
This EXACTLY!
Burybuck ~ read your first sentence again and you've said it..CONTROL! If this keeps happening and allowing your MIL to do this, it's going to get worse. Believe me, I went through it with my own mother. It went from her trying to push my husband out of nurturing his own son to her and I getting into an altercation from her attacking me to her threatening us to us no longer speaking to her or my siblings and it has been over 8 months since we have spoken to them and since any of them have seen our son. My mother would do the exact same things that you're describing and other family (Uncle's, Aunt's, cousin's and friends) would see it and get so annoyed with it. I didn't see it at first, I just thought she was trying to help me. My husband saw it and called it "your mom thinks our son is her baby," and I thought he was crazy until shortly after he said that to me I started to see it too. Stop it now before it gets worse and it will get worse!