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Kid Birthday Parties - Etiquette
Am I horrible person, or just slightly horrible?
My sister is holding my neice's first birthday party at a local YMCA on the same day as the St. Patty's Day parade. It's a two hour party, and the focus is on some sort of gymnastic obsticle course geared for kids 1-3 years old. There will be pizza and cake, too. She only invited people with kids, plus me, my husband, and our other childless sister. It's from 1-3pm, which is smack dab in the middle of the parade time. I tried bailing, and said I would be there the Thursday night before to celebrate my neice's actual birthday, but it turned into a disaster of a conversation so it looks like I'm just skipping the parade this year.
My nephew's 3rd party is the following month, and again she is only inviting people with kids plus me, my husband, and our other childless sister. She is getting two lanes for the kids, plus there will be pizza and cake.
Maybe when I have kids I'll think differently, but for now, I think it's annoying that I'm expected to go to a kid's specific birthday party when I don't have a kid. If it were at the house or a hall with a mixed crowd, I'd be there in a heartbeat. And I would never miss their actual birthdays! We always have cake on their actual birthdays.
She is giving me such grief about this, but I really don't think I'm wrong. Sunday's are the only day my husband and I are both off, and I'd prefer to not sit around awkwardly watching a bunch of people play with their kids.
Vent over.
Re: Kid Birthday Parties - Etiquette
Personally, I say suck it up. Out of two months, it's two days you have to spend with your family. Trust me, I understand the crazy work schedule ( I don't see JEGs every other week) but it's one day a month for a couple hours.
Coming from other non child person, I get your vent. I honestly have no idea why you should have to go, especially if you going to be there on the day of their bday.
also, this is kinda funny relating to this topic...http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMS00YWJiODZmZDBhYjVlNGUx
I don't think aunts and uncles need to make every birthday. But some parents do. My in laws for instance. I just try to set expectations of what we can and cannot make.
But don't lie. Be honest I want to go to a parade.
As someone who had to do this for many, many years before I had of my own, I have to agree with Amer who says suck it up. It's just family and social politics. Unless you want to create a permanent rift over something seemingly inconsequential (trust, I've seen it happen), just put on a happy face and go.
DH and I are both the youngest in our large family dynamics. I was in high school and college when most of mine were kids, and was told numerous times to do things with friends instead. Now, they tell us the same thing "if you are busy, don't waste your time at a kid party." We also have a ton of friends with small kids, we don't make every party. We send our gift, make a visit and are still on good terms with everyone. You have to do what is best for you and your husband, and sometimes that means bailing on a kid party.
I feel your pain! Plus, I don't believe in a party for every birthday and neither do most of my siblings! Good luck!
As someone who happily traveled 2+ hours for my cousins' kids bday parties before I had a baby of my own, I'd say you should go. If they were having separate parties for family and friends (which we'll probably do at some point with DS), that would be another story.
I say this knowing that all family dynamics aren't the same, but that's my opinion.
So you are childless and will be there to celebrate her real birthday but she wants you to come to kiddie party? No, totally not necessary. I would never expect anyone without a kid obligation to come to my kid's party, they are torture enough for us with kids attending. Your sis needs to wake up and get over it
The bowling party is a little different being that there will be things for the adults too but even so, if you had prior plans I wouldn't sweat it. I also don't have a sister so I can see how my perspective my be different
Jonathan Dean 4.5.08
Anna Capri 5.4.11
Had it not been for the parade, I wouldn't even care. I was just bitter about missing the parade, especially since she called me at like 9am on a Monday to let me know that I would be pissed to know the bday party fell on the same day as the parade. She set me up to be annoyed! I don't really mind the bowling party, but just thought it reinforced how I would be sittting doing nothing since I don't have a kid to help.
Ahhhh! At least the bowling party has a bar
I personally think its silly to attend a kids party. Our aunts and uncles never attended our kid parties unless our cousins were there. But they did come over for family parties which were separate and usually just cake and ice cream. I wouldn't want to watch kids play on my day off with my hubby (days off together are precious to us too because my DH works every other weekends) but if that's the expectation then I think you have to go.
Unless these parties are scheduled months in advance, I'd suggest planning day trips out of town so you can decline and say "I'm sorry, we already have plans we made months ago for xyz." But I'm also a horrible person ;-)
i already declined Easter at my inlaws 4 1/2 hours away because I'm going to be almost 6 months pregnant, or visiting anytime in the next year and a half. Pregnant or traveling with 2 infants, yeaaah no thanks! They have to suck it up and deal.. Not to mention they are retired and just refuse to come to us which is rude.
Sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself if its inconvenient or infringes on personal time that may be needed for your relationship or for things around the house. That's the hardest part to get others to understand when you don't have weekends to do the laundry, do projects, clean and just enjoy some free time together, a few hours on a Saturday which seem like NBD to others is actually a big deal.
oh man i forgot about your in laws!
ha. They are AWESOME!
NOT.
This, unless there is a family party. I do think it is a lot to ask you you to cme to two parties if a family party would suffice.
but yeah, my brother is single, child free and doesn't even live here and makes it to my kids' parties.
I think you are right, and I would NEVER be upset at my sisters/brothers for not making it to my kid's party. I don't even invite my siblings to the parties we have for the kids, except for my one sister who has young kids. But even if she said to me that she just didn't feel like coming, it wouldn't bother me.
It could be different for me because I have a billion nieces and nephews, but my family is so laidback about this stuff. If you can't make something, it is no big deal at all, no matter the reason
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
This is a really good point. DS is currently the only one on both sides of the family, so it's hard to imagine our siblings not choosing to be there for his birthday party. But it could definitely be different if there were a ton of kids.
I'm going to go to both parties, which I don't really mind. More so, I was looking for a free pass to miss this one party that is scheduled on the same day as the parade. When my sister made such a big stink about that, I got annoyed with her. I really don't have a problem being the only one there without a kid, but I expected her to understand that it shouldn't be required that I attend every single one. and thus understand that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I missed one party...it just so happens to be her 1st birthday.
Between my husband and I, we have 14 neices & nephews, with #15 on the way. I'm guessing it's my sister's hormones that made her get so upset, and the fact they we are very close. Is it wrong that I hope it rains terribly during the parade??
I agree with many pp- if you have other plans then no obligation to go. If it were more of 'I don't feel like it', then I would be hurt if my sister didn't come.
We are going through the other end of the spectrum on this issue- as the parents throwing the party, we want to start having smaller parties for DD where her little friends and their parents come- and eliminate these ridiculously huge parties that are filled mostly with our (childless or children already grown) families sitting around looking miserable or making fun of the music lady we brought in or whatever. DH thinks we will still have to have a whole separate party for our siblings/parents/aunts/uncles/cousins because their feelings would be hurt if not invited...I say they'd be relieved to not get to go, and part of why we're trying to scale down is to save some money/aggrivation- 2 separate parties would defeat the purpose. I want to just have her little friends, our parents, and our siblings- and honestly no offense taken if our siblings (none of them have kids) make other plans and don't attend.
Yep, this is where i'm at too. We only do "friend" parties every other year, and i'd still never expect my siblings to come. They're more than welcome to, but i wouldn't be upset if they didn't.
Eh, it's a first birthday. I mean, that IS the big one. I would be way, way more annoyed if my brother didn't come to his nephew's first birthday than some three year old bounce u nonsense. My kids have one uncle, they are his only nephews.
And I think blaming it on her hormones is kind of shitty.
I mean, I was you, so I get it, but it's the St. Patrick's Day parade. A drinking event probably never even crossed her mind given all the other asshattery that goes into planning these things.
My single childless brother did not even RSVP no to my son's 1st birthday. This is his only niece/nephew. It's a 3.5 hour drive and I get that it's a commitment but it still hurt my feelings.
DH's brother and SIL and their (then) 3 year old didn't RSVP either and didn't come. They live 1.5 hours away. I'm still bitter about it.try hard not to be but I struggle with it a lot. It's not the only instance of this type of behavior either.
I hope it rains for you too and they reschedule and you have a farking blast doing it all.
What?? Don't Go!!
It's a CHILDRENS birthday party. Not a party for adults. It's for the kids. You're sister thinks the world revolves around her and her child?
Celebrate the night before with your niece and go to the parade. Don't make any apologies.