Family Matters
PretzelMom22
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Why would he call him that?
For awhile now my fiance has been saying that our 19 month old son is acting like a b!tch because my son doesn't get his way so he just cries, which is of course normal, lol. But for my fiance he doesn't get that he's only 19 months, he doesn't know any better. When I told him not to say that he got upset. Am I wrong for telling him to stop?
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Re: Why would he call him that?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It still boggles my mind that some parents still do not get that babies are basically sponges. And what he also is doing is being emotionally abusive. I ould not put up with it.
He will feel stupid once that kid repeats that word.
The frustration your guy feels is understandable. Little ones are tough.
BUT, his method of dealing with it (poor word choices) is not right.
If he cannot get a handle on himself and learn how to be around a toddler, then you should worry his emotions may escalate to being more verbally abusive, or worse.
What happens when the 3's roll around and your child is testing you and your fiancee with his own little will against yours'?
It's my experience that men treat their children the way they were treated, or observed their siblings being treated. This is learned behavior and is VERY difficult to change.
My daughter's dad treated my son (not his) badly, with a lot of verbal abuse. My son had ADHD and was 7 when our daughter was born. My daughter's dad called my son names, and we had a difficult time trying to be a family together. But, I had to make a "Sophie's Choice" and choose my son over my daughter's dad. He was the adult, and could not, after 5 years of off and on counseling, change his ways. He would always say "I'm just kidding"........yea, right. Constantly?
If you as a mom know there is something wrong with the way your fiance treats your child, then you are probably right. If there are other issues in his behavior that lead you to believe he is a negative, mean spirited and critical person (toward you or others), then get counseling. Name calling of a 19 month child is abuse, and putting a cute name on it doesn't change what it is.
Good luck.
TTC since September 2012
I will sometimes call one of my DDs a punk or brat to DH after a difficult day. However, there's a huge difference between venting and calling a child an inappropriate name in front of the child. Do you want your DS to use that word? If he hears it, he will use it.
Your fiance's inability to handle normal toddler behavior is a huge red flag.
He needs a parenting class and literature -- so that he will know what to expect now and when the kiddo is at various ages and emotional/physical stages of development.
When DH and I brought our new son home from the hospital we were both tired, cranky, and overwhelmed. At one point, Dh was trying to calm our crying son down (the baby was probably about 2 weeks old at the time). DS wouldn't stop squirming, and finally my husband (who has never been the most patient guy) said something like, "are you too stupid to just stay in one place?" I was shocked. Yes, my huband can be impatient, but he is not one for name calling, or speaking disrespectfully. We don't speak to each other like that.
Anyway, I told him that he absolutely could not speak to our child that way. He agreed with me right away, and has not done it since.
I do find it troubling that your Fi has called your LO names repeatedly, and that he gets defensive when you call him on it. These seem like red flags. Momentary frustration is fine, of course, but your FI sounds immrature, to say the least. Does he often result to derogatory name calling?
You don't think a brochure would help?
Only if it's a magical brochure printed with ink made from ground unicorn horn!
THIS x 1,000,000.
i have a problem with any man (or woman, for that matter) who calls ANYONE by a misogynistic slur when he/she shows weakness. that's disgusting, sexist behavior.
if this man was talking to/about an infant or toddler (which is beyond my scope of understanding--i mean, seriously??), you'd better believe that would be the last we'd be seeing of him.
no matter what he has to offer, his flaws are too great and too obvious to stick around.