Family Matters
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Dilemma

My H just started a new job about 2 weeks ago.  It's a contract to hire job (60 day contract).  Well we just found out that MIL might have to have stint put in her heart.  She goes in for further testing this coming week.  So we are faced with a decision.  Does H take the day off of work to go to said surgery if she has it or does he go after work.  Again he just started this job.  He REALLY needs to keep this job and I fear that he could get the side eye for taking a day off so soon.  It's not a good foot to start off with.  But it is his mom.  Her husband will be there, though.

I'm trying to get an honest opinion since my MIL and I do not get along very well.  MIL has never been easy to "deal" with, but things are getting better with an uphill battle.  She has had a muriate of health problems since I started setting boundries.  And she is a bit of a narcissist.  I would not be surprised if she tries to use this to control us more, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I do feel guilty for thinking he should go to work that day then to the hospital afterwards.  If he had the job longer it would be different.  This is happening at the worst possible time frame.  I just need to know I'm not letting my opinion of her cloud my judgement in this case.

Thoughts? 

Re: Dilemma

  • Hi-

     

    I know you said you and your MIL don't get along very well, but could your husband go to work, and you go with your MIL?

  • Hi thanks for responding.  I cannot as I stay at home with our 2 children during the day.  However FIL will be with her the whole time.
  • It sounds like your H needs to be at work. It would be nice for him or both of you to go see her after H gets out of work.
  • I would actually see when the surgery is going to be scheduled for.  if it's later in the day, then I'd go to work and go to the hospital right after work.  DURING surgery, there isn't going to be anything for him to do anyhow. 
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  • He needs to go to work. He can visit her every day after work if he wants but he has to go and keep his job.
  • Thanks for the replies.  This pretty much what I was thinking.  Go to work, then the hospital afterwards.

    I just know that she is not going to make this an easy decision for him.  Like I said she is a bit of a narcissist.  

  • imageLadyLouWho:

    Thanks for the replies.  This pretty much what I was thinking.  Go to work, then the hospital afterwards.

    I just know that she is not going to make this an easy decision for him.  Like I said she is a bit of a narcissist.  

    Hope he knows how to handle her.   

  • imageMLE2010:
    imageLadyLouWho:

    Thanks for the replies.  This pretty much what I was thinking.  Go to work, then the hospital afterwards.

    I just know that she is not going to make this an easy decision for him.  Like I said she is a bit of a narcissist.  

    Hope he knows how to handle her.   

    He's getting there.  He will ultimately do what is best for his/our family, but the guilt is still pretty rough on him.  She says things like "he doesn't care".... just crappy untrue things like that. 

  • imageLadyLouWho:
    imageMLE2010:
    imageLadyLouWho:

    Thanks for the replies.  This pretty much what I was thinking.  Go to work, then the hospital afterwards.

    I just know that she is not going to make this an easy decision for him.  Like I said she is a bit of a narcissist.  

    Hope he knows how to handle her.   

    He's getting there.  He will ultimately do what is best for his/our family, but the guilt is still pretty rough on him.  She says things like "he doesn't care".... just crappy untrue things like that. 

    Yes I'm sure her guilt trips are legendary and she has the victim card down. It's an act to get her way. Glad he will do what is best for your family. 

  • he needs to go after work. there wont be anything to do while she's having surgery anyway. you could take the 2 kids and go too-just saying.
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  • I agree with PP.  Unless you are a doctor there is nothing you can do for her during her surgery.  Immediately afterwards she will be recovering and out of it for a while - not to mention they don't usually allow anyone in the o.r..  So the best thing would be to go after work to see her.
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  • imagealithebride:
    he needs to go after work. there wont be anything to do while she's having surgery anyway. you could take the 2 kids and go too-just saying.

    I'm not going to take my kids to hospital.  One of them is only 5 months old and I don't want either of them picking up anything.  As soon as she gets home we all will go for a short visit.  Husband will go to the hospital after work. 

  • imageLadyLouWho:

    imagealithebride:
    he needs to go after work. there wont be anything to do while she's having surgery anyway. you could take the 2 kids and go too-just saying.

    I'm not going to take my kids to hospital.  One of them is only 5 months old and I don't want either of them picking up anything.  As soon as she gets home we all will go for a short visit.  Husband will go to the hospital after work. 

    Make sure you stress the kids aren't coming, no way this time of year for a 5 month old. But if she whines about it make sure to let her know that if they ever pull the plug you'll make an exception. ;) 

  • Have him send her some flowers BEFORE the procedure so she knows he's there in thought.

  • Why is this up to you? 
  • get a babysitter and go up there and represent your family
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  • imagewife07mom09:
    get a babysitter and go up there and represent your family
    This. Get a sitter and go until your DH can be there. You're doing it for him, not for your MIL.
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  • imageMLE2010:
    imageLadyLouWho:

    imagealithebride:
    he needs to go after work. there wont be anything to do while she's having surgery anyway. you could take the 2 kids and go too-just saying.

    I'm not going to take my kids to hospital.  One of them is only 5 months old and I don't want either of them picking up anything.  As soon as she gets home we all will go for a short visit.  Husband will go to the hospital after work. 

    Make sure you stress the kids aren't coming, no way this time of year for a 5 month old. But if she whines about it make sure to let her know that if they ever pull the plug you'll make an exception. ;) 

    This

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