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Not sure what Normal is anymore
I moved to TX about 10 years ago to get married, we had dated long distance for a year. The first year was pretty good but then it started going downhill. The name calling started, I have been called everything and I mean everything. My nickname is Chubby, I asked him not to call me that and he said, why, it's true. We are also a blended family and his ex is a horrible person. He wouldn't introduce me to her for several months after we were married. I would have thought that she would want to meet the step mother to their young son. We have been on a roller coster ride all of these years. We have been to counseling, the last one threw his hands in the air and said he is going to be who he wants to be and so are you so you are going to have to find a common ground and I don't think I can help you anymore. Other counselors that I have been to have told me that he has a narassistic personality and our marriage was doomed. I am starting to think that they are right.
Lately he has been irritated with me because he wants me to come home from work, take a shower, put on fresh makeup and a sexy outfit and walk around the house in stripper shoes and he doesn't care if the kids are around (13 boy 18 girl). He says that I need to do this no less than 4 times a week. This just seems extreme to me. The other thing he wants me to do is go out with other couples (swingers), he says that I should be bi because that is what he would be if he were a female. He expects me to cook all of his meals and tells me that I don't know how to be a wife and he can understand why my ex left me. I keep thinking that this can't be normal behavior. He also tells me that I have no personality and that nobody likes me (I do have friends that seem to like me just fine).
He doesn't think that there is anything wrong with the things that he says to me. Is this normal? Do other husbands treat their wives this way? I am so confused!
Re: Not sure what Normal is anymore
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Um, no. Not *normal* at all.
I'm a lurker, but your post was enough to make me post. Seriously, for the benefits of you and your kids, it's time to leave this guy. I don't know what more to say than that.
No this isn't normal or healthy. Please listen to your past counsel and dump him. RUN to a divorce attorney give him the house get your stuff and don't look back. He is insane. Really, he doesn't respect you or your marriage.
*** by the give him the house, I'm saying do whatever to get him out of your life the fastest and easiest way possible. This is how people end up in true crime books.
That's all you did -- had very limited contact with this chap during your dating stages, before you got married?
That's the problem.
You didn't know him well enough; the face time and one on one dating time at length was non existant.
Get your ass out of there; get this "marriage"annulled -- and report him to Child Services, also. If he treats you like trash, he treats his kids the same way.
And no offense but next time around: GET TO KNOW THE GUY BEFORE YOU MARRY HIM!!!! This means none of this long distance "dating" sh!t: date the guy one on one at length and up close and personal for at least 2 years before you make a decision to get married.
Get out of there pronto. Keep safe and good luck.
This is not normal and he is being abusive. I am so sorry you have to deal with him.
For the sake of you and your daughter, don't hold out --- leave now.
This can very easily escalate into a physical abuse situation; either you or she or both can be physically harmed.
Your best bet: when he is gone tomorrow and he is at work, take your daughter and get out of there. Be gone by the time he comes home.
Secure money and go home to where you were -- your parents would be a good start. You can cash advance money from a credit card and do it.
My advice to you is; get your finances in order, go to an attorny, and file papers. Once you do all of that; take a sick/vacation day to pack you and the kids things up, make sure they're at a safe place (inform them of what's going on), then shower, have fresh makeup, a kick a$$ new outfit and stripper shoes, then you hand him the papers and tell him to go fawk himself. Go out and celebrate!
Is this normal behavior for a married couple? Not in my world! Do all husbands speak/treat their wife with such disrespect? Not my husband! He is seriously a douche bag and doing everything possible to make you have low self-esteem. You may have it already, but he is definitely making it worse. It is time for you to leave this guy! I think he is actually referring to himself when he says no one likes him, at least, I can't see how anyone would like him!
This. If you put it off now, you are going to keep putting it off. I've personally done this and it made the situation ten times worse than if I had left when I knew I should have....2 years prior to me actually leaving. For the sake of you AND your daughters safety... just go. Once you are out, you will be able to clearly see just how bad this situation really was.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ok so I just posed earlier.. "Why do people on these message boards always tell people to leave or get divorced?"
Oh dear Lord.. this is a very different situation! Please get out now!!! Don't wait for the kids to graduate high school like you mentioned in a post. Get out now! I wouldn't be surprised if his next step was physical abuse. Protect yourself and your child.
Reading your post again and I think I read that you dated for a year long distance and then moved to Texas and got married to him 10 years ago and things went downhill a year into the marriage. So, your daughter was 8 years old when you got married to him? I think you should leave now rather than waiting until graduation. It would be best especially if your daughter experienced any of the abuse. Show her that you're strong enough to take that risk for a better life.
I know this post is older, but I read it and just HAD to weigh in. My sister has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and one of the weirdest things about having a relationship with someone with a PD is that it leaves you wondering, "is this normal" even when you're facing EXTREMELY unhealthy (and far-from-normal) behaviors.
I highly recommend you look int the Out of the Fog website (and support forum): it's helped me immensely. http://www.outofthefog.net/Disorders/NPD.html