Family Matters
1993feb
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
problem with sils and mil
Im not a confrontational person so Im having some trouble with a way to respond. As I had previously posted my mil and sils dont like me much (they never have). My husband and I have pretty much put up with their behavior and ignored it. Until now, that it involves our children. I cannot explain it but I always feel as if his family is looking for attention. The last few times at my inlaws my childrens photos are hardly visible (they are covered by my sils children ) , two of my sons photos where torn in half. My kids are 6 and 4. Last week at my inlaws my daughter was playing with some toys and my mil actually went over and took them from her because they were my nieces. Now to me that was strange. My daughter did not understand why she couldnt play with them. They were stuffed animals. If my daughter had done something to them I would have replaced them and I never would have let her take them home. As I had said in a previous post my sil is getting married in 1 1/2 months. The wedding has not been mentioned in front of our family the entire year of the engagement. Anyway my mil calls yesterday and wants to know if we need a hotel room for that night. My husband explains we dont, we dont have the money for that and it isnt necessary. Well shes mad because my husband said we might not bring the kids. Shes also mad because when my sil asked my husband to be in the wedding 3 weeks ago he didnt immediately say yes. Shes mad he said he would think about it. She thinks its okay my sil called him back and told him off though. Hes trying to explain that he was obviously asked the last minute (which mil confirms by telling him everyone else was asked last summer) and he had to think about it because he didnt feel comfortable participating when his kids were not asked. He thinks it would be awkward when sils entire family is in it. And because of the way they have been treating our kids. My mil does not understand that and of course we have to hear about his sisters dont get enough attention. And then she tells my husband its because I havent been inviting them to our kids bday partys. They lied to her. I have invited them and they have responded (they havent come). Anyway thinking if I should say something? Im really getting tired of feeling bullied. Its been 20 years, Im 37 now and dont want to deal with this.
Re: problem with sils and mil
Read the post below yours - "exhausted" by rabbitt. I think a lot of what was said there applies to your situation. And specifically the long response by stw and how SHE felt, as a child, being treated poorly by her grandparents.
Don't subject your children to your ILs if they can't treat you well. Right now your kids are learning "this is how family treats one another". Is that REALLY the lesson you want them to learn?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Your H should tell MIL to pipe down. You are adults and make your own decisions in regards to the wedding. She doesn't have to like or agree but she does need to respect your choices. I would slowly cut ties with these people if they continue to act this way. Sometimes it sucks but you just have to live your life and not worry about what they think / say. Easier said than done.
Pssst...learn the difference between were and where.
My H and I were discussing where to go for dinner for Valentine's Day.
That said, you and your H need to sit these people down and tell them their behavior is rude and intolerable and you will not permit them to treat anybody like that, your kids in particular.
Nice of your H not to put his piggish family in their place. Your H is the bigger problem here.
As others said you DO have a husband problem. He isn't a horrible person or anything but this is the real issue. He needs to stick up for you guys. His family in the end don't really have to treat you nice. Your husband on the other hand HAS to stick up for you because he married you and now you guys have a family together.
They sound horrible there is no hiding that. But your husband owes it to you guys to be the one to tell his family to calm down or go away.