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not my business, but family member frauding and i'm totally annoyed!
this is totally not my business, so i want to preface this post by that. I KNOW its not my business.
but I literally can't stand my DH's cousins. They got married a year before us after having known each other for 3 months (typical in their region/religion)...and were both 19 years old. We went to their wedding across the country but then they didint acknowledge ours, at all, not even a fb message or a text or a card or anything. They said they were "too busy being married" anyway, she was pregnant so we understood if they couldnt come, but a call or card would be nice.
Let me reiterate she was 19 married and then got pregnant 1 month later because she said that she had a "calling from God" to become pregnant. They are both still college students and lived in a dorm.
Anyway they had this baby, who poor thing had to live in a dorm room for the first few months. After a while they realized it was too difficult.
So they called his parents, who are very wealthy. I don't mean like have enough money, I mean like multi millionaire wealthy. And his parents offered to rent them an apartment and pay for it, pay for all their bills etc. This isn't hearsay, we heard the uncle tell my in laws this first hand, he said he spends $4000 a month taking care of them and his granddaughter, paying bills and gives them spending money. In the meantime they graduated college and he is prepping for medical school and she works at a daycare part time 2 days a week.
Well she posted this huge thing around the election that people shouldn't talk crap about people on welfare, that her and her husband and baby were on welfare and that she thanks welfare for allowing her to give birth to her baby and paying for things like formula, food for them, etc. She said that when she is in the store, that people give her dirty looks becuse she uses food stamps and just because she has on a pair of Seven jeans and a northface and has a bid "diamond" doesnt mean she is rich...a.nd people need to stop staring at her....this rant went on for two pages in a blog
this is welfare fraud. ..... technically. They don't need it and they are collecting and using benefits.
i;m not going to report her. But this is fraud.
Again this has nothing to do with me. I am just annoyed and jealous and wanted to rant and rave about it.
I'm probably just jealous because DH and I can't afford to have a baby. Not now and maybe not ever. A baby is a privledge not a right...and we can't afford to bring one into this world. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment. And I know I'd be a good mom, but with the cost of living the way it is, at least for some time we have to sacrafice being parents...we don't want to bring a child into a stressed financial situation or a stressed home life (we are literally bulging out of our 1 bed apartment, its busting at the seams, there isnt room for another pair of socks let alone a baby)....
Now, I just saw on facebook they are on a huge family vacation celebrating their anniversary w the baby in Orlando for 2 1/2 weeks...seriously?!
My DH and I would LOVE to take a vacation but we have day jobs and bills to pay etc.We work everyday, I pay taxes, I can't have a baby because I can't afford it and I make a decent salary, a really decent salary for my age....yet they don't work and they get to go on these vacations and collect welfare etc.
uh god bless their parents that are footing this bill.
sorry for the rant, I'm just so annoyed with them. We ALWAYS get compared to them by family members because we are the two young couples. And i want to be like "don't even dare put me in a bracket with them"....
Re: not my business, but family member frauding and i'm totally annoyed!
Your right it's not your business but I understand your anger. I do not know much about the welfare system but I don't think this is fraud. Since they don't live with the millionaires they are not considered part of the home income. So they it seems qualify for these programs and if they didn't have the parents this would be a different story.
Now if you are in a HCOL area and you feel it's a struggle to get ahead you may need to start thinking of moving. I have only lived in LCOL areas and I can't imagine the prices and rent you maybe facing. But it's a personal choice and only you and your H can pick what is truly right for you. Just know that sometimes it is fun to strike out on your own and not answer to others. This couple will have to bend to the people footing the bills.
i dont believe that it's fraud but i'm not an expert on welfare (thank god) but if i were you i'd be very careful about using that word if you dont know for a FACT (and i dont mean just assume) that it is.
that being said-i get you. totally. every family has one. my advice-block her and him and be done wtih it. you can't fix stupid or control what other people do. but you do need to realize that it's the parents right to provide them iwth an apartment. you have no idea what their agreement or arrangement is. imo this girl sounds like a moron and the baby is probably lucky to have the grandparents involved. if it's common in their religion/region then there may be some kind of agreement that you have no knowledge of.
and i sugggest that if you're feeling like you dont have enough income to get a 2nd job. or go back to school to get a higher paying job. you can help yourself. you're jealous of a 19 year old idiot?! really?! step back and get your priorities in order.
whoopps!! sorry. Forgot to mention, they have since moved OUT of their apt and into my aunt and uncles home. So they are technically still on their car insurance and everything. I am pretty sure if someone is supporting you and you live with them ,or they rent an apartment in their name and yours and provide you with "income" then you are technically not supposed to be collecting other peoples tax dollars.
lol to PP you are right, i think its dumb. I'm not really jealosu of her i think she is so annoying and stupid. But I am annoyed that someone with Not TWO dimes to rub together or a home thinks they have the right to have a baby because "GOD" spoke to them and I can't.
I don't really need to go back to school or higher paying job. I mean i think i am exacggerating we could AFFORD a baby, but we wouldnt' want to bring a baby insto a stressful financial enviorment so we think its RESPONSIBLE as a future parent to save and hope one day we can afford one.
I don't work like a minimum wage job, I have a day job and a PHD and I teach at a local college 1 nighta week, my husband is a cPA and an accountant. And even with our high-level jobs etc... we still don't think its posisble to afford a child right now, in this economy, with job security being the way it is. We def think its stupid for a 19 yr old that doesnt own a home or have a job to have a baby
and i am SO sick of our famiyl comparing us to them.
I'm so annoyed. She is such an idiot it infuriates me that my tax dollars go to pay for their child!!!
Anyway- as the pp said , we are contemtplating moving to a lower cost of living area. But its a difficult time to find jobs. WE have considered moving further south, to somewhere like GA or SC rather than live where we do (A boston suburb where our 1 bed room 700 sq foot apt runs us $2200 a month)
UH these posts keep repeating on my screen sorry for the edits, something funky is going on.
Anyway, I am 28 (i'll be 29 this year) and my DH is 27.
The girl isn't 19 anymore but was when she had the baby and go married. I think she is 20 or maybe JUST turned 21 her DH is 24
Her DH and mine grew up really close together, so i feel like that is why we keep getting compared. Plus, we are the only two grandchildren in the family to be married, and both did so in a similar time frame.
I don't know why she gets to me, normally, people like that don;t. I just feel like crying over how unfair it is that I work 2 jobs 50+ hours a week, plus i am also working on starting my own business on the side, my DH is in tax season, working 7 days a week and we can barely get by and have to pinch our pennies. and she is collecting welfare and NOT working and he isnt working either and they are going on vacations and living it up. I know that the grass is always greener and i am sure they have stuggles too...but it feels like my tax dollars are supporting them and I am getting SO frustrated over it.
As annoying as it is, you really just need to let it go and just focus on your plans with your H. You guys are not even 30 so you still have time for a child if you really want to have one. If this is what you guys really want, sit down and come up with a plan to make it happen!
If people compare you to your 19yo cousin, the best answer to that is 'they are on their life schedule and we are on ours'. Then, change the subject. I get people trying to compare my H & I to his brother and wife all the time - and this answer works the best. Different people = Different life = Different life schedule.
Why worry about what other people are doing when you guys should be focused on what you are doing? And yea, Boston is definitely expensive....I live in NY (Nassau County) and it's not much cheaper, but my H & I decided to take advantage of the low interest rates and buy a house....it works out to be about the same with the mortgage payment, etc as it would have if we had just rented an apartment. And we get a whole house with space and a yard for future children. Something you guys might want to consider
i know we have time. I am not even sure that i am ready for a baby....and IF we can afford one at the time i am 30/32 we will think about it...hopefully we can. Hopefully the market turns around,hopefully we are able to do this, and sacrafice now so we can save for the future....But you know what I mean.
Technically we could afford one but the thought of daycare and college tuition seems crippling, especially in the current economic conditions. I mean, I can't imagine bringing a baby around right now- and that is my personal view and opinion. IMO I think you need to be old enough, stable enough, finanically set enough, have jobs, have a home or at least an apt big enough for a baby or you are ill prepared. I know not everyone shares that opinion. Obvi this girl and her husband don't.... It is just sooo frustrating to work So hard while others are out galavanting on a 2 1/2 week vacation doing all the things you "wish" you could do, and have others pick up teh pieces.
I am sure it makes us stronger, better people, better role models for future kids to have two working parents that had to earn eveything than had, then to have two parents that had children while they were still children and needed the help and guidance of everyone around them.
Lurker chiming in, I used to feel almost the same way about my SIL, right down the welfare fraud and the jealousy. I was finishing college, living in a small apartment with DH (my then boyfriend); this girl was engaged, with a baby, living with her FI in a house she was "renting" from in FIL. When I say renting I mean because he charged them like $250 a month and he paid for the utilities.
I hated the way I felt, I was sick with jealousy sometimes. She didn't work, had no money, but always took vacations and was showing off her new car. I was busting my butt in school, paying for it all myself working 30 hours a week and I was exhausted. Then my mom said: "You can have all of that too. Quit school, quit your job, go on welfare, and ask your FIL to supplement your income and live off him." When she pointed it out that way, it sounded so unappealing.
Now DH and I are married, have our own house that we love and paid for ourselves, are almost out of debt and we love our lives. We don't depend on anyone. SIL is still engaged, now has three kids, and is up to her eyeballs in debt.
Life is so much sweeter when you work for what you have. I'm sure, deep down, DH's cousins don't respect themselves for having to live off other people. You're doing things the right way and your life will be so much better in the long run because of it.
EDIT: Added words for clarity
can you think of some snarky answers for the family comparisons? i dont mean rude just answers tht you can base on welfare and GOD speaking to them
but i warn you about moving south-while it's a lower COL the salaries aren't nearly as much either. i've had many friends move only to come back. they hated it and were basically int he same boat-only with awful pizza and bagels. they came back shortly after moving.
I most literally just LOL'd at your comment about awful pizzas and bagels haha.
Maybe I'll move south, open a pizza spot, or italian food and make millions.
Ever watch house hunters? And someone in alambama complains that they just can't SEE spending $125k on a 3,000 square foot home that only has 2 bathrooms, they were REALLY hoping for 3 bathrooms and a pool. and I was liek 125, I could live in my parents shed.
I guess you are right its all relative...I was hoping to get transfered down there so I could make the Boston salary and live on the South Carolina COL!
and to the luker: Thank you. I am so glad that i posted this. I thought I was going to get flamed for writing this.. but I do feel like "WTF" sometimes. Your mom is right though. And I was glad that you had that insight on your SIL...
They do say success is a great revenge.
ALI- I also wanted to mention. MY best friend just moved back here from Texas where her and her husband were for 4 years. She said it makes her cringe to think that they have to pay so much money to buy a home, and that she was making the same money down there. But she's pregnant and wanted the better school systems up here. Anyway-- I asked her why she came back ,and she said "it wouldn't cost SO much to live here if it wasn't SO awesome. Sure I have 1/4 acre of land and my neighbors know all my business.... but I get to literally walk on the road that Paul Revere lived on to get to work, my kids will go on field trips to the ACTUAL place where hte boston tea party happened, and I can be at an ocean or out at a farm within 20 minutes--- how can you beat that?!"
I mean there has to be something said for New England, NY, NJ, etc right?
I hope you don't think I was being rude in my earlier post - believe me, I can commend you on being responsible and waiting until you are financially in a better place before TTC. Plenty of people don't even think about that. Remember though, I think there's only so much you can be prepared. Daycare, sure - that's important, college fund is important too, but take that one step at a time....the child doesn't go to college until they are 17-18, so it's not like you would not have time to save up for that. Like I said, you and your H just need to sit down and come up with a solid plan - then sit down and go over it again. And again. And again. While it might not seem like it right now, your hard work will pay off in the end. And you know what - even if you guys aren't ready at 30-32 to have a kid, that doesn't mean you won't be ready when you are 34-36 or 36-38....or even up to 40....if you really want it - make it happen!
I know how annoyed you are by your cousin, but sit back and think about how sad it truly is that she has to sponge off other people to get through life. Because that is exactly what it is. Sad.
I 100 percent get it. People like that get under my skin too. It's stupid I know but it's one of those things where I could rant for a very long time. My honest way of handling people like that in my day to day life....block them. Take them off your facebook. Limited speaking terms etc. Probably sounds harsh and b*tchy but if it really bothers me that much then I don't need to see it. Better then getting annoyed a bunch
R.Wilsonny
I just wanted you to know I wasn't offended at all!! I was just saying I do know we have time, but it just must be nice to just decide you want a baby as a fashion accessory and not have to think about the consequences
and as my mom always told me "even if the time isnt right, you figure it out, there may never be a "right time" so I always try to keep that in mind too.