Family Matters
CowgirlK39
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Cancel plans to attend shower?
This is a random question, so bear with me. My husband and I planned a huge outing with friends on march 9th. Yesterday I received my cousins baby shower invite in the mail for the exact same day. It's OOT and will probably take the whole day once travel is factored in. My mom insists I go because she says its important that I see my cousin before the baby is born. I usually see this cousin only once a year due to the distance, and I feel like I would rather see her after the birth so I can meet the child. I'm annoyed that my mom doesn't care that we made plans before getting the invite, and insists I have to go.
So what's preferred, seeing a pregnant family member prior to birth or seeing her and the child later?
Re: Cancel plans to attend shower?
No, of course you don't cancel your plans with your friends, that would be rude.
Look, sometimes growing up means disappointing or upsetting your parents. We all have to go through it. It is just a part of life.
Tell your mom you have plans and leave it at that. Don't go into details, just be vague. If she insists on pressuring you, cut her off and tell her you are not going to discuss it anymore. You absolutely can decline to baby shower invite, even if you didn't have plans and you have noting to feel bad about.
Send your cousin a nice card and gift and be done with it.
I'd send a gift and plan on visiting after the baby is born. I wouldn't change my plans.
Tell your mom you already have plans with others that can't be changed and that the subject is closed.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No kidding. You're married but mommy still calls the shots?
No, I don't do everything my mom says. She doesn't tell me to do anything. She only gave me a hard time about this because the invite was addressed to both of us. Your snark and rudeness are not helpful or appreciated.
This!
You each didn't get your own invite?
so, my snark/rudeness is bad but your mother's snark/rudeness might be ok (depending on what a group of Internet strangers might say)?
Really?
Becuase canceling on previously agreed upon invitations for another invitation that was unmannerly sent (seriously, if your married you should not be getting invitations sent to your mother's house) seems pretty in your face rude to me.
But hey, I'm just an Internet stranger.
And you didn't answer the second question.
Don't cancel plans. Especially if you said you're planning to see your cousin once the baby is born anyway.
If you only see your cousin once a year, I really don't think she'll be offended if you don't show.
Previously made weekend plans trump a shower for a cousin you only see once a year. Send a gift, either via mail or with mom.
I suspect your mom's real agenda is that she wants your company at the shower.
Ditto the previous replies -- why are you being invited as a juvenile dependent of your mother? As a married adult woman not living at your mom's house, don't you merit your own invitation?
Unless you and your H live with your parents, which would be another story entirely....
I wasn't really sure why the card was addressed to both of us either. We both found that odd, but it only prompted my mom to say "oh you really *should* see her before the baby is born..." Once again, as I said, I do not do everything my mom says. I am not a child. I was merely asking what is more important, seeing a woman before birth or after?
Also, we would still keep our plans, I just wouldn't be able to attend. It's not like we would blow people off for it. My husband would still go on the outing with our friends and I would be stuck at the shower. But I think I will just send a gift and go on my outing.
Totally agree. Don't cancel. You had those plans first and you can always see your cousin after the baby is here. It's OOT, so I am sure your cousin won't mind. Just send a nice gift. My In-laws have been doing the same with us- you have to go to this funeral, this christmas party, this birthday dinner, etc. Boundaries are being set as we speak, lol!
I wouldn't cancel plans to attend the shower of anyone, family or not, to whom I am not close. And seeing this person once a year doesn't equal close, IMO. Send a nice card and gift, plan to visit once the baby is here, and be done with it.
Your mother will get over it. Right now, mine is upset with me because I didn't pull my kids out of school on Friday and drive four hours to her house (where we would stay) so first thing yesterday we could attend the Bat Mitzvah of my cousin's daughter. I think the last time I saw the daughter was her baby naming, and I haven't seen my cousin since shortly after that at my wedding, so that would be 12 years ago give or take a few months. Not disrupting my schedule for that.
If Mom brings it up, I change the subject or end the conversation. I love my mother and appreciate that she wants the family to be together, and things not to change, but I'm married with children of my own, and there have to be boundaries.