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Almost married and worried about the future
Perhaps I didn't title this post right but I'll shoot my best shot.
Background: My fiancee and I are getting married in June and we (meaning, mom and I) are in the throes of wedding planning. He chooses not to be that engaged, and that's fine. However, when it comes to talking about households, things get sketchy. For example, last week I mentioned that we need to start inventorying his stuff so we can clean up his appartment and start tagging what's coming into my house and what will go in storage. I'm do the same thing. When I mentioned clothes, I told him that I cleaned out the other half of my closet so that he has his own side. HIs response "Oh. I'm putting my stuff in there?" My response was "Yes. We're going to be husband and wife, not roommates. Why wouldn't your stuff go in there?"
My fear with all of this is that he is seeing this is more of a roommate situation and not a marriage and it's irking me. Of course now is not the time for me to bring it up and discuss it with him because all it does is piss me off so I'm waiting until I'm on a calm space to discuss with him.
Has anyone else been in this place?
Re: Almost married and worried about the future
Ok. - so he was questioning that his stuff will go in the same closet. That's all? If so, you're reading ... what?.... into this? I don't see how sharing/ not sharing a closet is a statement about your relationship. Is his thought that he'd use a closet in another room? If so... don't see the big deal. (At least until that closet is needed for other uses - like if you have kids and need to put their clothes in there).
My parents have small closests in their home. Once my brother and i moved out, my dad uses the closet in their room, my mother uses the closets in the other two rooms.
I'll tell you what's more important to a relationship and says a LOT more about a relaitonship - communication. It kind of sounds like you (and your mom) have all these ideas of how things will be done and your steam rolling forward w/ your plans w/o actually sitting down and TALKING to your FI about what should be done/ how things should be handled.
How about discussing all this w/ him instead of just telling him how things will be done?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It sounds like a general question and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him wanting his own space in a space he will be living. You are human so I am sure you know all individuals need time and space to call their own even if married.
Maybe he is thinking he has a lot of clothes or certain things he likes to have in his closet. My husband and I do not share a closet space and believe me we are far from roommates.
Either way if this is the only clue you have that is leading you to think that he thinks of this more as a roommate situation then you don't have much to go on.
ALL OF THISSSSS! You're reading WAY too far into this. And I want to stress what ECB said about communication. That's where you're focus should be right now!
Perhaps he is taking a back seat but it does sound like you're telling him what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc. He might be thinking "Eh, whatever, I'll let her and her Mom figure this out." Sit down with him and have a two-sided discussion about this. Invite him to share his opinions and express that you WANT his input.
You have to remember that in relationships, it goes both ways. Basically, you can't want all the control but then be pissed at his lack of excitement/involvement.
I agree with everything that PP stated.
Step back and breathe. Sharing a closet has nothing to do with your marriage. His lack of interest in wedding planning could be because you and your mom are controlling it. Give him a simple task to make him feel apart of things.
My biggest piece of advice is that when it is time to go through his stuff, let him decide what stays and what goes. He is a person too, ya know?
This. In our previous house, DH and I had different closets because I had way too much stuff to share the tiny closet in our room. I'm not sure if this is the only reason behind your feelings, but I don't think it's the worst question for him to ask.