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Parents paying for tuition
I was fortunate enough to have my undergraduate education paid for by my parents, via well-invested inheritance money. They paid for my sister, are paying for my brother, and will pay for my youngest two siblings when they are old enough.
Now that I am 26 and in the middle of a master's degree, I am paying for my own education, through teaching and research assistantships. My husband, however, is 23, and is not quite done his bachelor's degree.
Until recently, he was working full-time at a crappy job and taking a couple of classes online. When he finishes these classes, he'll just have three left in his degree. A couple of weeks ago, he dropped down to part-time hours in hope of getting a full-time temp job in his field (accounting). That hasn't happened yet.
His parents think he should stop working/job-hunting and go back to school full-time to finish off his degree. They are offering to pay for his tuition (as they did prior to our marriage) and also our rent. Should we accept their offer?
Part of me feels like now that we're married, we should be totally financially independent, but as my H pointed out, his dad makes good money as an engineer, and his only sibling (an older brother) had his education paid for and is now doing well financially. Also, as I mentioned earlier, my parents paid for all of my undergraduate education. Thoughts?
Re: Parents paying for tuition
If his parents paid the tuition and the rent, could you get by financially?
If so, I would accept the offer. No shame in letting his parent's help you get ahead this one time.
Yes, if his tuition and rent are covered, our part-time work will cover the rest of our expenses.
His parents were paying for his tuition before we got married. I just feel weird about accepting their money now that we are supposed to be "grown-ups."
Paying for undergrad tuition is a pretty common "rite of passage" that parents do for the kids to get them set up w/ secure future w/o being in debt.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If you two know your ILs won't attach any strings to their gift of money, go for it.
My parents paid for all my 4 older sisters & I to get through undergrad debt free. Part of our stipulation was we couldn't be married though. Married adults pay their own way through college. I'm going to approach it the same way for my future kids. That's me though (and my parents, of course). Not everyone feels the same way.
No one will think any less of you for accepting their help. If they're offering, it would make them feel good for helping you out. Even grown-ups need help from their parents sometimes. If it makes you feel better, ask them if they can call it a loan, and pay them back once you have the funds.
I also think it's fine to accept their offer, as long as your H is prepared to deal with the expectation that he pushes through, maintains f/t enrollment until he graduates, gets passing grades or better, and completes his degree in a timely manner.
The two of you don't want to put yourselves in a position where they're paying and he changes majors, drops classes, or something like that.
I think these are very reasonable expectations--that's basically what my parents expected of me, and what I would expect of our future children. With only three classes left to go, I think we'll accept their offer.
Thanks, everyone, for helping me feel better about this!
Since your husband only has 3 classes left, i would assume he can enroll full time tis summer and finish. With that said, its only a few months. I would accept their help to have him go back to school. However, after that...you have to work out the weird gap in time between him graduating and finding a job, without an income--they may still have to assist in paying rent- are they willing to do that?
Here's what I would think about. Are they the type of people to make you feel indebted whenever they do favors for others? If they pay this tuition, do you think they will hold it over your heads? If not and they are fairly stable people, then I think I'd take the help.
And even if they were to slightly hold it over your head, you guys wouldn't necessarily owe them anything. He is their son and they're the parents. They're so supposed to help when they can and if they paid for the other son then it's only fair. It would be different if they didn't pay for the other son's tuition. However, if they're incredibly toxic people then I might not bother.
I understand why you don't feel okay accepting their money though. You want to be grown-ups...I feel that way too, but I don't deny money when it's offered since I could use all the help I can get even if me and my husband both work. It sounds like his parents understand that you guys are still young and still getting settled and whatnot, so they're willing to help out. Good luck either way.