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job in hometown vs 12 hours away?!?
My husband and I are soon to be moving- we are both physicians and have a 2 year old, which makes childcare and finding jobs we both like very difficult. He is just finishing residency, hence the job hunt- we have interviewed at 12 places. We are down to 2 options:
Option A: My husbands dream job, 12 hours (and a connecting flight away) from both of our familes. He has agreed to make this a temporary 2-3 year situation if we choose this.
Option B: His second favorite job, just so happens to be the same group (and field) as my dad. We would have to live within minutes of my parents. I am not crazy about the town or the idea of living that close to my parents, but there are obvious pluses such as easy and available childcare.
At both options, I equally like the job opportunities for me and I plan on cutting back to part time as we would love to have another child within the next few years.
The problem is, my mom is pushing us to take the job closer to them so she can be around her only grandchild more. I know she will be furious if we choose my husbands first option. My husband will basically do whatever I want- he just keeps saying he wants me to be happy. But I just want EVERYONE to be happy!!! We have talked about this with everyone we know and feel more conflicted then we did 2 months ago! I would appreciate any advice at all!!
Re: job in hometown vs 12 hours away?!?
The only happiness that affects you is yours, your child's and your husband's. You CANNOT and WILL NOT make everyone happy. You just can't. The sooner you accept that the easier it will be to make decisions.
Your mom needs to knock it off.
Which option has more opportunities, benefits, pay, etc?
Also, which location has more to offer as far as opportunities for your child, and for your family (the 3 of you)? Since you will be staying home part time, I'm assuming you will be looking for classes and things for you and your child to attend.
These would be the questions I would ask myself and H. It all depends which is more important to you. If being around family is more important, then go with option B. But if it doesn't bother you to be 12 hours from family in order for your H to have his dream job for a couple of years, then go for it.
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My husband (of 13 years) and I live about 6 hours away from our families. What that meant to us is that when the kids were little, we got practically NO BREAKS. Date night was a pizza by candlelight after the kids were asleep. We had adequate daycare, but had a really hard time finding someone we trusted to keep our toddlers for a few hours at night so we could get away by ourselves. It was extremely difficult getting through some of the tough times without a nearby support network of family. Friends are great, but sometimes it takes a family member to pick you up and to just listen to you rant without taking sides.
On the other hand, how does your husband REALLY feel about working with his FIL -- I see the potential for big problems in that area. If they can both handle keeping work and family separate, I would encourage you to stay near your family. (BTW -- do you have to live "within minutes" of your parents, or could you move 30 - 45 minutes away to help create some boundaries?)
You need to take your parents' happiness out of the equation and do what is best for you, your husband, and your kids.
jnjmommy- you are totally right, she does... I think it just helps to hear it from someone unbiased!
and the jobs benefit/salary/etc- wise are the same
and yes I definitely worry that my husband isn't being upfront about working with his FIL. He says it doesn't bother him "that much" but I sense it does....
Thank you so much for your posts everyone, I have always read these posts and never posted anything myself- I have already found it incredibly helpful! Cheers!
I don't have a child so perhaps my opinion is skewed a certain way, but I'd pick the 12 hour away job. It's his dream job. It's not often that such an awesome opportunity pops up and it is just for 2-3 years. Who knows - you might totally love the area and decide to stay!
I love my parents. I want my parents to be involved in my children's lives. However, we have to do what is right for us and sometimes that doesn't mesh with my parents want. That's okay.
My Husband and I live states away from both our families.
I think you need to decide what is best for your family. Just tell your mom that she can always hop on a plane and visit anytime.