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Stressed out
So I have an 8 month old daughter and my husband loves her, but he doesn't really try to help me past changing diapers and maybe feeding her baby food. When he holds her she cries. How do I get/tell him I need his help more with not just her, but doing the dishes, laundry and everything. My parents, who we live with right now, can see that I'm stressed, and he can't. Although they don't seem to help with much of the house hold chores either. Its pretty much if I don't do it it sits for almost a week before anyone else will do it. I feel bad admitting that I haven't showered in about a week because by the time our daughter goes to bed, I'm so tired that I usually just pass out on the bed till she wakes up at about 430-5 for her only night feeding, and she doesn't really nap giving me a break that way. It feels like no one will watch her for me so I can get some of the things I want to get done, done. Like read a book! I can't really leave her with her dad, because give it maybe 5 minutes and shes screaming and he doesn't seem to try to make her happy! Any help or advice is much appreciated. I just don't know what to do because my parents just complain that he doesn't help me, and if i leave her with him they constantly tell me to go save her because she's crying, or is just pissed. I get rushed through everything I do.
Re: Stressed out
Has he ever helped out? Before your daughter came along? It's time for a come to Jesus talk w/ this guy. Especially if you don't have time to take a shower. He will not watch her at all? What is he doing on his off time?
its not really that he won't watch her so much as she will scream at him a lot when i leave her with him and my parents always then tell me "she screamed the entire time you were in there/gone" or "he doesn't pick her up when she cries and he needs to do that to calm her down" and most of the time he will have picked her up, she just gets upset that i leave the room. It stresses me out that the whole way my family acted towards him changed when we got married, and since he had the car accident and has 2 more weeks before he can go back to work its gotten way worse! i know for a while he couldn't pick her up because of his broken rib, i guess its just been a stressful 2 months since the accident, because when he worked I did all the same stuff. i guess its just that now I do more for lunch and cleaning because with him not working theres more to do cooking and cleaning wise, and I still don't get help. But I did get to shower last night! my Lo fell asleep early on her own so i had time to shower.. but then i couldn't fall asleep until 2am.. Today already feels better, and I guess its because I got almost 2 months worth of stress off my chest!
I think you need to adjust your expecations of your parents. The child is yours, your family is living in their home. I don't know what else you can reasonably ask of them. It would be great if they helped, but it's a bonus, not a given. So drop that point.
As far as your husband is concerned, you have to talk to him about it. Earth to brandiriley!!! Seriously, you have to communicate your expectations of him as a spouse and a father. If he's not cutting it, you have to let him know.
Sit down and talk with him about what you need from him. When you're gone and the baby is crying, tell him "try to do X to get her to calm down" When the laundry needs to get done say "Hey - can you throw a load on?" Dirty dishes are piling up in the sink, say "Do me a solid and load the dishwasher." When you need to take a nap, tell him "I'm taking a nap, can you feed her and keep her occupied for an hour?"
Some people will just DO, some people need to be told/asked. Half the time my husband takes the bull by the horns and just does whatever needs to be done. But the other half the time I just ask. Ask and you shall recieve. (I hope anyway... fingers crossed your guy isn't a total slouch!).
what she (JemmaWRX) said!