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MIL
Ever since before we got married, my mother in law has been saying that girls are more trouble than they're worth, and that having boys is the way to go. We've been married over 3 years now, and this weekend when we went to dinner with them, it really bothered me because I would love a baby girl. My husband does not agree with this at all and told his parents to knock it off. His mom started going off about how they never wanted a girl and that they are not worth the trouble, etc etc. Then father in law chimed in and started singing the same tune. I have not said a word to her about this because my husband has taken care of it. I personally do not want our daughter around people with such an ignorant view. They never had a girl so they are not speaking from experience. I have told my husband I don't want them meeting our daughter without some serious attitude change. Is it wrong for me to feel that way? I talked to my mom about it and she agrees that she wouldn't want her daughter meeting her in laws either if they had that outlook.
Would you want your in laws to meet your baby girl?
Re: MIL
So do you actually have a daughter? If not, then why sweat it now? If and when you DO become pregnant/give birth to a baby girl, if your ILs keep it up, THEN handle it.
In the meantime, why get your panties in a twist over something that may never happen?
My husband's grandmother (who is no longer with us) said the same thing about girls while her sister (husband's great aunt) says girls are always going to be better than boys. It was all in good fun.
Basically, I think you're being really dramatic.
So this is a problem???
How is this a problem???
Tell them you're going to hatch out a kid who is a hermaphrodite. You and your H will get the best of both worlds when you and your H welcome himher into the world.
No daughter yet, but will have a baby soon and don't want that negative outlook around our baby girl.
Maybe your husband's grandmother was joking about it. My MIL is definitely not. Its different when its a joke and when its actually a serious outlook.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You're asking if your inlaws should be allowed to meet a baby girl you may or may not ever have because they're happy with their boys?
Yes. They should get to meet their grandchild. And you should relax. You might have 6 boys and this might never be an issue. And even if you do have a girl. no matter how serious they are about preferring boys, I highly, highly doubt they're going to hold their new granddaughter and go "You suck. I wish you had a penis.".
You're way overreacting to this.
FWIW I have a boy and I hope my next one is a boy too because I think girls are a PIA and I'd rather stick with what I know. But if I have a daughter I'll love her the same as I do my son. Just because I'd rather have a boy doesn't mean I'd be a bad parent to a girl. The same goes for grandparents.
This. They might have a completely different tune when you are actually pregnant. Chances are they just didn't want to RAISE a girl. And that is perfectly fine. That is their opinion and luckily they don't have a daughter.
Worrying about this now is 100 percent pointless. Worrying about anything that hasn't happened yet or you can't control is always pointless..it gets you no where. And if you purposely kept them from their grandbaby before giving them a chance then that would make you look extremely controlling and a bit crazy. Relax.
In fact the next time they bring it up don't even acknowledge it. Change the subject.
You know what....I think that their commentary is making YOU feel anxious over YOUR choice of wanting a girl. Really.
Because unless they come from a culture that subjugates females, their commentary is just like any other commentary that grandparents make, like "breast feeding is gross/will starve your baby", to "you need to put cereal in their formula at 3 months old to get them to sleep", to "we had bumper and our kids all survived".
All are made out of their experiences.
And unless they actually DO something that you have specifically told them not to do, its just talk.
And really, saying that raising girls are harder than raising boys...to some extent, it is true. Just like in certain situations, boys are harder to raise.
I did not want a boy because my experiences with SS (seriously, he purposefully peed on an elctrical fence to get shocked and then DID).
And you know what, I said on a multiple of occassions (as I was cleaning up a SS mess) "I am praying that the baby is a girl because I wont be able to keep up with the gray hairs..."
That did not mean that I would have hated my child if she was a he.
Ugh, they sound special.
You aren't pregnant right now and you don't have a daughter. Ignore them or start fighting with them. These are really your two choices. My MIL made it very clear she only wanted grandsons we had a daughter. She also said some other crazy crap and we ignored her and never left her alone with the baby. When or if you cross this bridge you can handle it.
So you must be adopting a girl, right? That's the only way you know for sure you'll have a baby soon and that it will be a girl.
If you're not pregnant with a girl right this very second, chill out.
I do not mean to be blunt but you both are ugly
Not adopting, but yes, we are expecting and will find out soon. Thats why I said we will have a baby soon.
I never agreed with what they said. I always just thought they were wrong in their opinion. Now that we are at the point where we will actually have a baby, I don't think having people (anyone) with that outlook is a good idea at all. Just trying to figure out if me actually saying something to them instead of just my husband would be appropriate. I am open for them meeting our daughter, eventually. I feel like they should realize the impression they are giving me and the impression they want to give a granddaughter considering they think she won't be worth it.
This wouldn't bother me and wouldn't be an issue if I thought they were just joking. But they are being serious when they say that stuff.
Sit down with your H and tell him what will be unacceptable for your child to be around. If you hear them say something then you call them out on it. If you are out then you leave each and every time. If they are at your house then you leave with baby until they are gone.
Honestly I don't see them saying anything to you or your child. They will focus on your H and say it to him. It's up to your H to handle them and stick up for the baby.
If you find out you're having a girl and if the negative comments continue, then deal with it.
But also realize that the "idea" of a baby is different than the reality. My MIL was REALLY negative about DS's name. Including up to when they got to the hospital when I was in labor. But once he was born and it WAS his name, she shut up.
This is why I'm saying you're putting the cart before the horse. You may have a boy, or once the baby is here - they may change their tune.
But if they don't, at that time make it clear that negativity about the baby being a girl will NOT be tolerated and if they don't stop, they will not have access to the child.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
OP - It's really odd that you are banking on having a girl. It's a 50/50 shot. Don't you think it's strange/delusional that you keep referring to your child as your "daughter" when you don't even know yet? I'm not trying to be mean but given your lack of rational thinking about this, I can't help but wonder if you're reading way to far into your ILs comments.
Assuming I'm wrong, and your ILs are serious about not liking girls, you have to wait and see how it all plays out when the time comes, i.e. you find out you are INDEED having a girl! If your ILs are jerks about it, follow ECBs advice above.
agree completely. OP, you talk about your little girl as though she already exists. I'm wondering if you'll be crushed if you find out you're having a boy....
This. I enjoy reading ECB's comments because she is very rational in her responses.
My SIL is married to a man with this type of outlook. She just found out she is pregnant and he insists it MUST be male. He says he doesn't make girls. How he knows this, i am not sure since he has no other children, but its clearly because he is an ass. It makes her whole family worry how he will behave if it does come out to be a girl.
I agree that they didn't say they will harm the child if its a girl, they just said they are trouble, in their opinion. I would see what you are having first, and deal with it then. See how they behave.
I think you're being way over sensitive and worrying too much about something that hasn't even happened yet.
My mom raised 2 girls: me and my sister. Her first grandchild was another girl, my DD. When we found out that baby #2 was going to be a boy, she was all sorts of worried. "Oh, I've only ever done girls before! How will I know what to do with a boy!?!"
Of course, once he was actually born everything was fine. I think there's a 95% chance that your MIL will be like this And until it's a reality, no sense making a big fuss with your husband over something that hasn't even happened.
This is just the type of pre-baby nervous/stupid grandparent chatter that people engage in. Don't read too much into it. Even if you find out you're definitely having a girl and she still talks about how "hard" it's going to be to have a girl in the family, don't take the bait. Just say, "Oh, I think boys and girls probably both have their ups and downs," and let it go.
Once that baby's actually born, she'll stop saying anything about how much "better" boy children are -- I can almost guarantee you that. Especially if this is the first grandchild.
To be frank, many MIL's and mothers can be complete nightmares. Don't let that ruin you or your marriage. I find that whenever someone tries to put down me or someone else, it's because something else is going on with them that they don't feel good about themselves. Most of the time, it's not even about you.