Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Needing some advice
Do you ever feel that your the only one that ever initiates the sex or is it just me? My husband is very reserved about talking about sex... I guess you could say I am always wanting to do "more" hahahah any advice to get him to open up to me more about stuff hahaha We are 20 don't you think this is his "prime time? ?
Re: Needing some advice
My husband and I have been married for two years and together for five. He was very closed off in the beginning when it came to sex. We had sex but it was me who initiated most of the time, it caused a lot of issues in the first year of marriage because I was scared that I was stuck having sex once or twice a month for the rest of my life.
Nope! I made sure I was honest with him and patient. I also didn't stop initiating to try and get HIM to do it more. He eventually opened up more and began initiating. We don't have a CRAZY sex life, but I'm okay with that.
After all, girls expect this behavior from the male population, there ARE men with sexual insecurities around here, too:)
Good luck!
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
I ask him almost every other day and he will maybe say yes once a month... I have talked to him about how it makes me feel when i am the only one who initiates and he told me that he is just tired... or he isnt feeling good.... honestly its annoying and i am getting frustrated and i hate being rejected!?? He has a 7-5 job where i have to work 7-12 then 2-11... I dont know what to do and maybe i am just ranting and raving for no reason hahahaha But come on i need sex!!!! hahahahah
Ive dealt with this myself so I hear you. How is your relationship otherwise? I find that problems in the relationship usually manifest themselves in the bedroom.
Do you get along? Fighting? Has he had any issues at work or some major stressors? I think the longer you let this go on, the more you set up the pattern for the marriage. Any chance to compromise? Let's say you want it 7 days a week. Not happening w/ him-ever right? How about 3-4 times/week to start? Is he up for any adventure in the sack? Does he like to try new things?
Please please don't let this affect your self esteem. I KNOW it's hard but find ways to remain positive about yourself. If you lose your confidence that's a turn off as well. I know how it feels to be rejected. you feel unloved, unwanted and neglected.Try and remember this is HIS issue & not yours.
Lack of intimacy kills marriages. It's not just about sex. Many men mistake that. You need to be holding hands, cuddling, hugging. All the things that couples do. I mean what's the point of being married if there's no intimacy right?
I wish you love peace & strength.
Ok, so from you OP I didn't realize you were being turned down when you initiate. That's a completely different issue. A couples sex life is an indicator of their relationship. Yes there are nature ups and downs, but once a month says something. When did this start? Where you virgins when you first got married? (we were so no judgment but could be a factor, mental block)
You need to have a serious talk about your needs, if nothing changes then it is time for counseling (you can see a sex therapist as well but might not be a great starter is he is shy). I disagree with the previous poster, I don't think you can go from once a month to 4 times a week. I'd start with something more basic, heavy making out/touching without sex, take the expectation away. Assuming there isn't a performance/health issue it is probably mental. Talk about the best way to proceed, schedule vs spontaneous, how often, etc. It's about setting expectations you both feel comfortable with until you get to a place where you are both satisfied.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
We were virgins when we first got married...
I have tried to talk to him about wanting to have more intimacy and romance, but all i ever get is short answers no feedback, and he will quickly change the subject..
Right now i have a sinus infection so i am not looking my best right? Well his exact words were ?You look like hell" ? Its like really? Thanks for that jacka$$!!?? So yeah i have been a little onry with him since... little off track and i just needed to vent about it hahahaha
We both have been nit-picky with each other lately and are in a serious rut!! Honestly there are sometimes he can annoy the hell ouy of me! Its like with my sinusinfection i get this throbbing headache and i will calmly ask him to be quiet but he DOESNT, or another thing is he will if i have told him a million times how sore my legs are from working out he will hit or wrestle me... Hahaha this sounds horrible but sometimea I feel more like his
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12