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another brother issue
I saw the brother vent and it reminded me that I wanted to post a little something about my own and this issue I am having.
My brother like the previous thread is def. a failure to launch scenario. He is 10 years my senior, and never went to college (because he felt like he couldn't handle it academically, even when he was given a full ride to a local college to play football). He often says he knows he is the "guy that peaked in high school". Anyway, my parents continually pick up the slack for him. All the time. I mean I know they are his parents and love him. Years ago my brother got into some legal trouble, trying to make money in a not-so-legal way. It nearly drove my parents apart. They spends thousands and thousands of dollars on legal fees.
In the meantime, I am chipping away, feeling a bit neglected, trying to earn all A's to impress my parents, staying involved in school, going on to college, starting working immediately, moving on my own, payng my own rent and bills. My parents DO pay part of my college loans.
Multiple time, my brother makes comments about how "spoiled" I am. How I don't deserve the "money my parents throw at me". It really hurts because I really need the help of my parents paying my tuition and I want to be like "listen, they spent WAY more on your legal issues",,,but obvi never do. And my parents are def. not "throwing" money around, believe me.
My dad recently found my brother YET another job (this is probably the 5th). Yet, never helps me find a job, even though he knows that I am casually looking to change jobs and I've asked for his help.
A few years ago my brother and his Gf decided to move in together. And during a storm, her apt was flooded so my parents offered up my grandparents home as an alternative to a new apt. They pay 1/3rd of the past tennant was paying. This was supposed to be temporary and my brother is STILL living there under the premise that he is the "caretaker" of the home.
In the meantime my uncle who is a co-owner on the home but doesn't ahve anything to do with it, said he wanted to sell it and offered my parents to buy him out. At that time my parents said that perhaps WE (my DH and I ) would be interested in buying it from my uncle, and they would gift us the other half of the home.
We considered it, but then it started getting nutty. My parents, who feel like its their fault my brother takes no responsibility for himself suggested we make a basement apartment and let my brother live in it. My brother threw a fit and said that his time there as "caretaker" (reminder: he is paying 1/3rd of what the rent should be)...should be repaid and that he has invested time and money into maintaince (very little) he said that he would hope he could put the rent money towards buying the house for himself and his girlfriend.
We said we didn't want to buy it anymore because I don't want to get involved with family and money at all, and this was becoming a dramafest. I wasn't going to buy it and evict my brother, I didn't have the heart. Plus once again my brother went in on the insane accusations that my parents "baby" and "spoil me" and was yelling that they give me everything, including a home (um hello, you are the one living in it!)
So now my DH and I are back to renting and blowing our money, when we had this investment opportunity we couldn't take because everyone babies my older brother.
It's getting so frustrating so at this point I am like beyond had it with my dad.The other day i mentioned something snarky like, must be nice to always have someone that sets you up with jobs and houses, and barely work and my dad yelled at my that my brother didn't have as many "opportunities" as I did....
I know my parents were in a different situation when my brother was high school/college age, afterall it was 10 years before, and they were just starting out. But I shouldn't have to be made to feel guilty that just because my dad worked his way up in those years to get a better job and just because he and my mom had more money to provide me with "extras" or a different education. But my dad and brother have made me feel bad about things. I think my mom understands where I am coming from, she does sometimes say that she thinks that just because I am independent doesn't mean I don't need help, and my dad doesn't realize that.
UH just a LONG vent sorry.
Re: another brother issue
Lame. I've decided that when I finish a small issue (he's currently on my car insurance and I'm trying to remove him but have to prove that he has his own car insurance which we thought he did but my dad actually never added him so now my insurance company realized that they weren't charging me for him and now my they will until I remove him its an extra $400!) I'm just going to stay away from them as much as possible. Less stress on me.
def. get him off the insurance. The longer anyone continues to help him, the longer this goes on. Believe me. Actually in recent years I havebeen closer to my brother because our age gap has kind of changed, IE I am not a teenaager while he's turning 30's nad now we are similar stages...but this is what makes it worse because we are in the same boat.
Also, just keep thinking, as I often do, that you are a completely indepdent successful person that doesn't need to fall back on your dad and your dad definetly respects you for that.
Did you point out to your Father that he did have the same opportunities as you, he just didn't take them? I'm sure your parents would have gladly paid for his school.
I think you just need to get to a place of accepting that your brother is envious of you and he is an angry, spoiled person. Then have very little to do with him and stop discussing him with your parents. Maybe you should have bought the house but because your parents wanted to give you half I suspect they would have made sure your brother lived in that house with you. Instead of being upset about it you should be grateful after dodging that bullet.
Do yourself a favor: Cut yourself off from this guy once and for all: "Bro, I love you but not the way you act. I'll be keeping a low profile and I'll be out of your radar; if you chose to be an adult and clean up your act and stay out of trouble, then we can talk...and when we do talk, you will have to prove that you've been on the straight and narrow for a good long while."
He needed toughlove and your parents needed it, too: they enabled this guy and this is 99% of his trouble.
Understand this "he gets everything" is not "your" fault: he gets everything because they haven't got the guts to tell him to take a powder.
You were wise not to get involved in any kind of a purchase that involved family -- take it from me, that can come to no good end, even if your brother was the nicest and most responsible guy in the world. Family, money and business do not mix.
So your parents feel like it is their fault your brother is irresponsible wanted to pass that burden on to you with this home buying? Did your Uncle sell his share? You know you would not trade places with your brother regardless of what has been handed to him. He is a loser and unfortunately he will remain one as long as your parents allow it.
The only way your brother can feel good about himself is to make you feel bad, do you see how pathetic he is? I'd probably throw the legal stuff in his face, not to mention what has he been doing for the last 10 years.
Next time simply say thank you to your Dad and tell him you appreciate that he helped you be independent. You might want to mention that you do not intend to help raise your brother should something happen to them. They are doing him no favors and that is a shame as well as a disservice to their son.
That is because she can not afford it dumbass
excuse me, sweetheart. where i come from, adults don't rely on their parents to pay for things for them. and people who do that certainly don't post complaints about siblings who mooch off of mom and dad. you can keep your b!tchiness to yourself as far as i'm concerned. i hope you really aren't so stupid that you thought i was actually asking a real question of the OP because i didn't understand. or maybe you are that stupid; i don't know you.
Go fock yourself
sorry just circling this back now.
as a side note: my parents pay for my tuition because my grandparents left money to my parents and my uncle to pay for my tuiton and my 2 cousins when they passed away.
(i didn't include my brother, because at this point, he was over 30 years old and had no plans to return to school). i didn't mention this because I didn't feel it was an important fact.
Anyway.... thanks, I kind of already keep a distance from my brother--- we rarely talk and see each other on holidays and once and a while at my parents...
and about the house, i agree, i feel like it is a blessing that we aren't involved in this. Even though it would have been beneficial to our finances it probably wasn't worth the family drama..