Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BIG fight with mom...apologize or not?
Hi all,
Been a while since I've posted, so here's the quick synopsis. Family feud between my mom and uncle is at it's worst. I haven't spoken to my uncle, aunt, or cousins since before christmas thanks to my mom and uncle hating each other. They do not speak, but my uncle visits my grandmother daily (my grandmother lives upstairs from my mom in a 2 family home).
Anyway, while I was out of town this week, apparently Sh!t hit the fan over my uncle slamming doors when he leaves the building. He does this very early in the morning, waking up my mom daily. She left a note, which he ignored, and (according to her) he has started slamming the door louder. Well, she began to text him and his wife saying to cut it out, and it's escalated I guess to where she threatened to call the cops next time he does it. I think this is so ridiculous and dramatic, and I told her so. My mom got very mad at me and is now not speaking to me because I didn't right away take her side. I said I agree, uncle is being a jerk, but to get police involved when he is just visiting his mom is stupid, PLUS her texting this man and his wife is more "harrassment" than him slamming the door.
I can't really bring myself to apologize, but a friend today advised that I should try to "validate mom's feelings, tell her that he is in the wrong". I don't want to encourage her to get the cops involved, but I feel bad that she thinks i"m not on her side. UGH I dont know what to do. I am sad because my mom said she's "disappointed in me" for basically having an opinion that isn't hers. 
Re: BIG fight with mom...apologize or not?
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
I might be the minority opinion here but I say apologize BUT also communicate that you don't want to discuss the matter with her anymore. It's none of your business and you shouldn't get involved. That said, SHE should not be bringing the mess to you anymore! Here's what I would say: "Mom, I'm sorry I upset you. I understand why you are angry. The situation with Uncle makes me angry too. I think it's best we don't discuss it going forward."
For the record - I also think it's ridiculous to call the police over doors being slammed. BUT - you aren't there, this is her home, and her immediate family that's involved. You can't exactly empathize.
I think your mom is more upset that you aren't taking her side with this feud. You are only talking to your mom so all she is hearing is you telling her how she is wrong, etc. It's always crappy when family fights and it's worse in this situation because they are connected by a home.
I will say that if you really wanted to stay out of this mess you would stop telling her she is wrong or whatever. Just listen and stay silent and then talk about a completely different topic.
Your Uncle doesn't sound like he is a peach himself. If I was getting woken up everyday by a slamming door and a note and other communication was ignored I would also call the cops or landlord. I have no idea what your mother life is like and what hours she works or if she stays up till 2am watching crap TV. Maybe you should take her rants and complaints and pretend like it's not your Uncle she is talking about. If it was a random neighbor doing this you wouldn't think calling whoever to get the AZz to knock it off isn't warranted?
Tell your mom to go fock herself
I DO take my mom's side a lot of the time, but not unconditionally. I take the side of what is right. And sometime's it's my mom, and sometimes it's my uncle. But on a whole, as I mentioned, I have stopped speaking with my uncle/aunt/cousins as a sign of solidarity with my mother, so yes, I do mostly side with her. I don't like how my uncle is disrespectful of her, and I have told him so many times. I believe in choosing battles wisely and a slamming door is not something to call the cops over. I think she is over reacting due to the other crap she has dealt with from him. So this one thing that might not bother someone has become a huge torn in her side. She just needs to keep a rational head on her shoulders or this childish stuff will escalate and put them both in jail someday.
This is probably what I would do, honestly.