Pros and Cons of a Second Child?

mrsjune25th · February 2013

DH and I were very set on being one and done. However now that LO is growing up a bit we are considering that if we could work through the financial piece of supporting another one we would love to be parents again. It is a hard decision and we are really only in the starting stage of discussion. Pros and Cons if you have one and are done or if you have gone on to have a second child.

SunshineMoonshine · February 2013

mrsjune25th:
DH and I were very set on being one and done. However now that LO is growing up a bit we are considering that if we could work through the financial piece of supporting another one we would love to be parents again. It is a hard decision and we are really only in the starting stage of discussion. Pros and Cons if you have one and are done or if you have gone on to have a second child.

I do not have any pros but there is a con

Having a 2nd child will have a huge risk of your older son/daughter raping your youngest baby

So you are better off not having any babies

MommyLiberty5013 · February 2013

B/c you already have so many baby/child supplies, really the only additional costs are diapers (if you use disposables) and formula, if you don't BF.

Items you may need to purchase extra (depending on the growth stage of child #1) are another carseat, possibly a bassinet or crib of some type and clothing for a child of an opposite gender (if #2 is not the same as #1). With garage sales, ebay, so many consignment stores like Once Upon a Child and others, you probably wouldn't have to spend a whole lot to transition to one more child.

As your first child grows, s/he will eat the same foods as you and your DH, if s/he isn't already, and that really isn't much of an additional cost. Your new infant will either be BF'd or will solely be on formula for awhile.

Personally, I don't/didn't see much of a financial jump between 1 and 2 children.

The caveat to this would be if you have to pay for day care for two kids. But at this point, if you do the math and you lose money or even break even with both of you working and having to pay day care on two kids, it might be a chance for one of you to be a SAH parent depnding on who earns more and who carries the health insurance.

BTW, with health insurance you already have a family plan (I'm assuming) so there should be no additional costs here except perhaps office co-pays.

Emotionally and imaginatively, your children having one another as playmates is a bonus. They learn great sharing, communication, and relational skills. As they age they keep one another company.

In the future, you and your husband have the benefit of more possible grandkids and more people to care for you in your old age.

I haven't ever heard anybody say they wished they hadn't had that next child, but I have heard people wish they had had more children than they did.

hesakeeper · February 2013

MommyLiberty5013:
B/c you already have so many baby/child supplies, really the only additional costs are diapers (if you use disposables) and formula, if you don't BF.
Items you may need to purchase extra (depending on the growth stage of child #1) are another carseat, possibly a bassinet or crib of some type and clothing for a child of an opposite gender (if #2 is not the same as #1). With garage sales, ebay, so many consignment stores like Once Upon a Child and others, you probably wouldn't have to spend a whole lot to transition to one more child.
As your first child grows, s/he will eat the same foods as you and your DH, if s/he isn't already, and that really isn't much of an additional cost. Your new infant will either be BF'd or will solely be on formula for awhile.
Personally, I don't/didn't see much of a financial jump between 1 and 2 children.
The caveat to this would be if you have to pay for day care for two kids. But at this point, if you do the math and you lose money or even break even with both of you working and having to pay day care on two kids, it might be a chance for one of you to be a SAH parent depnding on who earns more and who carries the health insurance.
BTW, with health insurance you already have a family plan (I'm assuming) so there should be no additional costs here except perhaps office co-pays.
Emotionally and imaginatively, your children having one another as playmates is a bonus. They learn great sharing, communication, and relational skills. As they age they keep one another company.
In the future, you and your husband have the benefit of more possible grandkids and more people to care for you in your old age.
I haven't ever heard anybody say they wished they hadn't had that next child, but I have heard people wish they had had more children than they did.

All of this. There are plenty of people who are an only-child that were perfectly happy with their life, but my H always wanted siblings.

The benefit of grandchild/people to care for you in old age seems silly but my aunt took care of her parents (my grandparents) until they passed. She didn't have any kids and she's starting to regret it (she's in her late 50s, perfectly healthy) because she doesn't think anyone will care for her if she is lucky enough to live well into her 90s like her parents did.

Jan8 · February 2013

We plan to fully pay for our child's college education (undergrad and masters/one advanced degree). So, if you plan to do that you might not be able to fiscally afford two. We can only afford one because of that commitment. We are also committed to pay for other expensive things as well (ex. Traditional wedding split cost).

dalm0m · February 2013

This isn't a financial only decision.

I am an only child & I Hated it. . As a kid I longed for siblings to combat the loneliness & to have a built in playmate. As bad as that was being an "only" as an adult was / is worse.

I was the only one who paid for my parents' anniversary parties.

I was the only one available to make end of life care arrangements, take them to doctors appointments, visit them in the hospital & hold their hands when they died, etc.

Now that they have both passed away, I feel so utterly & completely lost. DH has been great but without my parents I often feel like I have no more family at all in this world & I am truly all alone. It's horrible.

I have always said if God only gives you one child be grateful, but never have an only by choice. It's an isolating thing to do to a person.

It sounds like you & your DH want a bigger family but you're worried about the money. You can always find a way to afford things if you are prudent. You may not always have the option to have more kids.

Sisugal · February 2013

How old is your child?

Not all siblings are friends/playmates or close as adults

1+1 =/= 2 where kids are concerned

Different ages, personalities, needs, abilities, sex all play into the family dynamics. Each child is unique

Do you have the energy for 2? Finances for 2 (beyond infanct/toddler stages)?

vlagrl29 · February 2013

for us its not the cost of extra diapers and formula that concern us. It's the fact that we will have to pay $7,000 - $8,0000 to have another baby (hospital plus prenatal care) I'm just not ready to fund that for another 3 years. Both DH and I were only kids and always have wanted 2 kids. My pregnancy was really sucky and I don't want to do that again but I know eventually I want another baby around here..

krisandtom · February 2013

Everyone is different... for me, I couldn't imagine our family if we had stopped with just our oldest kid. It would've been so much more quiet in our house, and less laughter and fun. Adding our second child turned an "adult house with a kid" into a "kid house". I guess that could be a con... because it did make it more messy, and hard to keep up with. But, it also gave my oldest a playmate, and he has so much more fun now with his younger brother than he'd ever have with just adults.

I honestly think adding the second child was the best thing we ever could've done for our oldest son. He has a best friend now. Obviously, that doesn't always happen, but for us, it was a wonderful choice, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

realisticdreams · February 2013

I am an only child, but I grew up with tons of cousins around the same age as me, so it wasn't as bad. Plus, my grandparents raised me so I was closer to the cousin's etc. My mother died in August & I haven't had contact with my father in 20+ years (they left me). My grandparents are 74 & 81. I so so so wish I had a sibling to grieve with & I do feel like once my grandparents are gone I have no one. (I obviously have an H & 2 children) but even for them, me not having siblings means they dont' have any cousins.

Even though we are 100% done with our family & #2 was not planned, I do think a lot about how larger families seem to have more fun, lol.

Cost wise, having #2 didn't break us & we had massive medical bills from a previous high risk pregnancy + dd1 getting diagnosis/therapies, then dd2 was a high risk pregnancy & spent alot of time in/out of the hospital the first year of her life. So for us, that was the most expensive part, and we had fairly crappy insurance at that time.

When DD1 is staying at my grandma's and it's just DD2 it is SO quiet. And if DD2 is napping & it's just DD1, again so weird. I can't really imagine just having one of them, it would almost seem boring at this point!

Mama-Bear · February 2013

While I think it's smart to think about if you can afford a 2nd child, I think you need to take a different approach. Deciding to have a child (or more children) isn't about their pros and cons, it's about what's right for your family. I was an only child and I was very lonely, as an adult I miss the siblings I'll never have (espeically seeing my mom with her siblings, they're 10-12 years older than she is and they're close). I'm sad about being an only child for my children because they'll never have cousins (DH has a sis but she probably won't ever have kids). Like a PP stated and I've heard before, "you'll never regret the children you have, only the children you don't". Now I'm not saying that everyone should be like the Duggars, but if you want to have another child, I don't think you have to be 100% B&W, things happen and things work out. We wanted to have our 2nd child when our twins were born, I wanted 3 kids but not at that time and it turned our world upside down, I was terrified, sad, mad, scared for what it would mean for DS1, now when I see them all playing together, I know God gave my family the greatest gift. Who knows if we ever would've had that #3 if we hadn't had our twins when we did, DH (even though he knew I wanted 3 and seemed to agree) feels that we would've only had 2 and been done.

bagelbites · March 2013

Jan8:We plan to fully pay for our child's college education (undergrad and masters/one advanced degree). So, if you plan to do that you might not be able to fiscally afford two. We can only afford one because of that commitment. We are also committed to pay for other expensive things as well (ex. Traditional wedding split cost).

As an only child I would have much preferred a sibling to a fully funded college education - there are lots of ways to pay for college.

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