Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
INLAWS
I'm not one to be a difficult person, but I find it very odd that before my husband and I got married everything b/w the inlaws and myself were just peachy. After we got married I saw true (excuse my language), but bitches. I can not stand my husbands mother she absolutely urks my nerves b/c she is so needy and that sad part is my husband is far from being a mama's boy, but she feels as though she has to call him every single night. The man is going on 35 years old please let him be, another thing that got way under my skin was the fact that coming into the marriage I had a daughter from a previous relationship and then my husband and I had our daughter. One thing you dont mess with is is my kids, I dont like for my kids to be made a difference b/w the 2 and that she does. Another person I cant stand is his sister she is so toothfaced and doesnt think that anyone notices. I try so hard not to show any annomosity towards those people but this is just a short description of what is going on, but how do you handle a marriage when you dont like/get along w/ the inlaws.
Re: INLAWS
1. Let your husband handle them
2. Let him know that if his mom or sister get upset with him, that is ok. He doesn't have to answer her phone calls.
3. Be civil and polite in public
4.If the difference between how they treat the girls become too large, tell your husband that you will do what you have to do to protect your child from them. If that means cutting them off, then that is what it means.
If he is NOT expecting her call, he need not answer the phone. He needs to let it go to voicemail. Let his mother get the message when her son's not picking up in a split second after the connection goes through.
If she is playing favorites?
The 2 of you need to tell her the buck stops there. And she is to no longer do it or she won't be seeing the kids anymore at all.
Let him handle his sister.
The big issue is the favoritism. That needs to end now.
I'm not saying it is right, but one of the children is her biological grandchild and the other is not. She treats them different because only one of them is biologically connected to her. Maybe if your husband expressed that he views the first child as HIS child too she would be different, but If your child has another set of grandparents that spoil her maybe MIL thinks she doesn't need it as much as the new baby. Just offering perspective.
Also, DH needs to handle his mom. Don't answer when she calls. Don't immediately call back. Call when it is convenient for you not her.
"Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
-Maya Angelou
Does your husband answer all the phone calls? If yes, then HE is allowing it to continue. How does he feel about it? Does he want to speak to her daily?
He has to step up and handle this, his Mom, his sister, the grandkids, etc. It would be easier if MIL would just get it, but it doesn't sound like she will on her own. This one is on him.
I agree. Now, I know it's not quite the same situation, but my paternal grandmother treats my cousins (kids of my mom's sister) every bit like they're HER grandchildren, though there's technically no blood relation to them. Grandkids don't have to be biological to be loved, and they will know if they're not being treated equally.
On the phone calls.... first, when does she call? Does it actually interupt something? Or are you busy (for example) getting dinner ready, or playing w/ the kids, or.... are you doing something that doesn't involve DH so his going off and tlaking to his mom doesn't really affect you?
I ask because if this is the case- let it go. If he wants to talk to him mom daily, he can.
BUT if the calls take him away from dinner, or family time, or whatever, then yes, THAT is a problem and at that point, this is about your DH, not his mom. HE needs to not answer the phone, or call her back later.
On the treatment of your kids - I need to know more about this. On one hand, they are kids and blatant favoritism is so unfair to the kids and as an adult, shame on her for acting like that.
But at the same time, if it's not blatant but something else... you do have to accept that she may not feel the same bond w/ your DD that she feels w/ her bio grandchild. It sucks - family and relationships are more than blood. But her feelings are her feelings.
My point- she's allowed to FEEL however she wants, but she absolutely should make every effort to not be obvious about her feelings around the kids, especially your DD who is clearly older.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10