Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
anti-consumerism going too far?
I grew up VERY VERY poor (electricity turned off our house in the ghetto poor). I always had food, but clearly not always light! I developed a very anti-consumerist attitude partly to survive never having the toys other people had.
Now I'm a grown up and can afford toys. I can afford LOTS of toys. My fiance and I both got big raises this year and he is encouraging me to treat myself to something, but I honestly can't think of a single thing I want to buy. I love experiences, I love travel, I love live music/art/drama, but until my shoes wear out I don't want shoes. Until my jeans wear holes, I don't want more jeans.
So my question is, A) anyone else like me out there? 
is it causing you problems? Does it screw up healthy parenting?
Part of me feels like I've definitely taken it too far and need to back off, but I get annoyed at Christmas that people buy me things, inevitably things I don't want because I can't even come up with Amazon wish lists more than 2 items long (and they're usually practical things for the house). Meh.
Re: anti-consumerism going too far?
Are you my sister ?
I struggled with spending on non essentials - and REALLY struggle still with spending on myself. Fortunately my DH is good balance.
My first purchase for myself only --was a bottle of nail polish to do my toenails. ng tYes, it was that bad. I have come to like nice clothes and love shoes and buy them on sale or clearance.
I saved, saved, saved and still do - I has allowed us to purchase a home and pay it off and purchase a second home and pay that off. We buy our cars (modest ones) with cash and have a secure retirement. We provice experiences for lour kids(both plan 2 instruments , are in sports and travele to other countries as part of education) has convinced me to travel beyond my $ comfort level as well..
Kids are learning to know the difference between needs and want. to save, and what is "enough". They are also learning to be generous giving to those in need.
Take baby steps. Make a budget that includes saving and spending. You are allowed and deserve to enjoy the fruits of your hard work and succ.ess.
Help others and help yourself too!
I wasn't quite as bad as you, but growing up, my dad used to work for the steel mills and would get laid off, brought back, laid off. We qualified for government assistance. Reduced/free lunches at school. Etc. Didn't have a lot of stuff the other kids/people did growing up.
I definitely have a hard time buying "larger" purchases. Hate replacing things that have one minor thing broken that should be easily repairable, but it's cheaper to just buy a new one than get it fixed. I don't get upset with people getting me stuff at Christmas. Sometimes I will save up money to get something and then feel guilty that I spent that money in one shot after it took me so long to save.
I grew up in an upper-middle class household, but I have a similar anti-consumerist take on life. I think for me this is a result of the same thing that made my parents well-off: They had an attitude of only buying things we actually need, experiences (vacations and after-school activities that I still remember fondly) for us, and a few toys, mostly for birthdays and christmas. I am a big saver, and more of an experience person than a "stuff" person, now. I struggle with balancing that with MH's endless need to collect stuff...
Your statement about being upset at people for buying you Christmas gifts was interesting to me because I had a similar experience this past year. It was our first Christmas at my in-laws' and they had asked DH to get a wish list from me. I gave him like 2 things, he knew this was apparently not enough, so gave them like 7 more that he thought I'd like. On Christmas morning, I was in absolute shock when they gave me a pile of gifts nearly as tall as I am - mostly clothes that either didn't fit or weren't too much my style. I said thank you and can't say I was *angry,* but I was appalled.
Anyway, all this is to say that I don't think it's bad not to want stuff. If you're worried, though, I bet therapy would be really helpful.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussSince you have identified yourself as someone who values "experiences", I would suggest that you focus on that as your way of "treating" yourself. My partner and I are the same way - we drive modest cars and own a modest house (for our income), but love to travel. We will stay in nicer hotels, upgrade to a nicer room and go out to a special dinner when we are on a trip. Precious memories are things that never lose their value.
When you are looking at your budget, after all of your needs are taken care of (retirement, emergency funds, house/car funds), set aside a certain amount for your "experience fund". Read travel blogs or bookmark cool hotels or locations, so when the time comes for planning a cool vacation, you have ideas in the hopper. Think of it as feeding your Memories Account.
It is interesting how your childhood impacts spending patterns. I grew up pretty upper middle class and always want the best of everything. My own sister (same parents, same environment) is very, very thrifty and loves to shop at dollar stores. It is odd.
I think it is best to have a middle ground, honestly.
My wife and I are becoming even less consumerist as we go on. I do spend money on better food and we do go on a week long vacation with her extended family but we have had smaller Christmases the past few years.
We also mainly get each other practical things as gifts for special occasions.
I would not worry about what others think since most of them tend to be either broke or in debt.
Love this, DaringMiss.
My mom has always been just like you describe yourself. I think it made her a better parent than the next person. And a better person just in general. I wish I was more like her. In this way especially.
Anyway, travel is an expensive hobby. You as well focus your money on what you love.
I think it's difficult to take anti-consumerism too far! I love the fact that you don't buy new stuff until your old stuff is worn out. I definitely still have clothes from 10 years ago. Buying less stuff is so much better for the environment. I have heard it said that we need a new "3 R's:" REDUCE! REDUCE! REDUCE! (Then reuse and recycle!)
ETA: I grew up as a missionary kid in one of the poorest countries in the world. Though we seemed rich to the people around us, we were living well below the Canadian poverty line. I think this was a really valuable experience. Though my family has enough money to live "comfortably" we put the majority of our money towards three things: education, travel, and charity.
I fully intend to shop for my future children's clothing at thrift stores and to let them be creative with things like cardboard boxes, building blocks, art supplies, etc., rather than buying them a ton of toys.