Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
mother in law issues
Me and my fiance have been together since i was 17 we are now 23 and getting married in may. The first time I met his mom she was friendly and invited me to family things. As me and her son got serious she started attacking me. Many times me and her son would get into arguments because of something she said about me. I started seeing it as she was trying to make us fight or have us break up. She has told him that I dont love him i dont appreciate him that im just using him. which isnt true. She also got mad at her son for staying with me a whole day at the er when i was having chest pains. whenever theirs a chance for her to blame something on me she does even if i wasnt involved in that situation. Shes a single parent with three kids. my fiance is her first born. she depends on him a lot. When she and her boyfriend are in a fight which is almost all the time she takes it out on us. And when we cant do something for her she acts like a child and yells. shes the type of person that gets mad for every little thing.Theirs times where i believe her kids are the parents and she the child. now that we have moved in together i dont see her and try to keep my distance. i cant deal wid the emotional abuse but want to try to fix this. i just dont knw how to approach her.
Re: mother in law issues
If your FI is allowing his Mom's behavior to impact your relationship, he's your problem. If she makes a nasty comment about you, how does that lead to the two of you fighting? My guess is because he backs him Mom.
HE needs to approach her. HE needs to tell her that you will be his wife and his new family. HE needs to tell her that she is to treat you with respect. HE needs to communicate that if she doesn't shape up, she won't be seeing you or him.
You want to fix this? Good luck. Maybe (and that's a BIG maybe) if your FI gets on board and tells her to knock it off, she'll stop. But she probably won't. Either way, your FI needs to back you or your marriage won't last.
I married a man whose parents aren't great. But he's also a man that takes up for himself and me when it's warranted. I would not marry your FI if he is unwilling to act like a man and make you his priority.
There are times where i believe her kids are the parents and she the child. now that we have moved in together i don't see her and try to keep my distance.
If you moved into his home-- and clarify if you did --- here's my take on that, if you did:
WHY did you choose to do that?
First off, you don't move into a boy's HOME --- where is his apartment? Why isn't he living on his own??
Please don't tell me "oh we can't afford our own place" ---. STOP right there and say goodbye to him.
You do not move into ANYONE'S home. You and he find an apartment together and then that is where you live.
I don't want to hear "oh but we will only be here until we can save our money..." You're starting out a life together unable to afford to live on your own? And he sees nothing wrong with this????
If he cannot afford to take care of you on his own where he is self sufficient enough to afford rent, utilities and other costs for 2, he's a very bad bet for the future.
That also shows me he is not independent...and that he had you move into his home with his mother is very very telling.
And considering she is a problem and she does not like you, he's all effed up for making this move! Wow...just WOW.
He also hasn't got a pot to piss in.
Way to go, about to start life with a guy who hasn't got 2 nickels to rub together.
FFS --- you need to be able to independently afford a wife! He can't even get that part right!
BAD MOVE to date this guy ONCE, let alone marry him.
This is your first boyfriend. You have nothing to compare him to but then again, does one really need a roof to fall in on them? Do you have to step outside to know it's raining?
Get yourself to a therapist --- if you tolerated being treated like dirt, you have a ton of problems with your self esteem; part of what you are experiencing with this is the fact you're immature.
You let everybody else treat you miserably, I will bet. Stand up for yourself! That's a good idea, too!
Get rid of him, get to a therapist and give yourself a chance to GROW UP. If you marry this guy, you're nuts.
And as we are fond of saying on this board, marrying your prom date is a bad idea.
Also this is your FI"s mother, NOT your "mother in law." You're not legally married; stop calling her your MIL.
Also go back to school.
Your grammar and syntax is horrendous!
Learn the difference between their and there ---- even a third grader knows the difference --- There is a lovely garden at their house.
"Their are times when I believe", and "when theirs a chance" really??? Wow.
Tell this little jerk goodbye, tell his mother where to go once and for all and what she can do when she gets there and how many damn times --- yes, in that ORDER --- and cancel the wedding. You need him like Manti Teo needs another fake girlfriend.
Run.
You are too young for this BS. He isn't the only guy in the world and his mother will be your nightmare for the next 20 to 40+ years. Don't do this to yourself, he isn't worth it.
He won't ever put mommy in her place. Run.