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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Fiancé potential job
So I want opinions, my soon to be husband may be offered a job at a police department. This is great and I know it's something he has wanted his whole life. The hard part is we will have to move and in the current market it's going to be hard to sell our house and it will entail moving my son to a new less desirable school. I have been slightly stressed about this and have been talking with him about my concerns, well tonight he basically said that he is going to do this with or without me, not in those words but that's how it came across to me. I would never ask him to give up his dreams, but the fact that I believe he would choose this career over us bothers me and honestly hurts. I knew going in that being married to a police officer would have it's own individual issues but am I making a mistake considering moving and disrupting mine and my sons whole lives for someone who would potentially leave even if we didn't want to.
Re: Fiancé potential job
I think you have every right to be concerned, those are a lot of big things that will be disrupted, and if you ask me your child's education should trump your fiance's desire to work somewhere.
Most importantly if you plan to marry you should be discussing these kind of big issues as a team, one person shouldn't be saying its my way or the highway. Why can't he apply to Police officer jobs closer to where you currently live?
I would be hesitant to marry someone like this as well, it's ridiculous that he isn't even considering the other issues involved with him taking this job. I don't know what your FI's schedule will be like but my best friend's fiance is a police officer and she is alone all the time. It took her awhile to get used to this. Not to say that you shouldn't marry someone just because they are a police officer, but he is going to move you to a new town where you won't have a job, know people, etc and then is also very likely to never be around. That doesn't sound like a good deal to me.
If you are not wed to him, this makes all the difference.
Think it over carefully; list the pros and cons and thoroughly discuss this issue with him. YOu are a couple and a family; you and he need to carefully consider any career move that will affect you, him and the kiddo.
What type of a job is it? If it's something like a dispatcher or some other forinsic job, can't he find that locally right now?
If you decide you can't hack it or the risk is too much, you might have to call it a day with him.
Up to you; as I said, careful consideration. GL.
I agree with PPs - it's really sh!tty if he said/implied he'd go with or without you. Clearly there are pros and cons to this. And I can understand his desire to get situated in a career. But it has to be discussed... thoroughly... and BOTH of you need to agree. Forcing someone (especially a future spouse) to acquiesce by way of threats is wrong. I hope for your sake this was something said out of aggravation and that he apologizes and agrees to have an actual conversation.
Are there any school districts within 30 minutes that are good? This might be a really dumb question (I'm not a parent obviously) but is there any ways you can compensate for a mediocre school district (i.e. tutoring, township sponsored sports teams, etc...)? Could be worth looking into...
Good luck!
Okay as someone going into the Government myself, it is very very difficult to find a job that you want... You are usually assigned jobs that are open and most times, it is shitty. Police Officer openings are not very easy to come by, some are more harder to get in than others and if there is a wait list or if so many people apply...it is even harder and damn near impossible to have a fighting chance.
I know you are worried about the school situation, but let me ask you this... do you work as well? If so, then it may be harder, but if you do not work as well... maybe you can supplement some of your child's education yourself when they come out of school, to make sure they are as educated as they can be. It will take some extra time out of your day, but it is worth it for a child's education.
As for how your husband put it, it sounds like my husband.. where usually they aren't graceful with their words, but usually do not mean it in the sense you took it. He is probably thankful for this opportunity and probably worried about the future taking care of you and the child.
This exactly! I don't know if you've noticed lately, but the economy sucks right now! In my area alone 12,000 people if not more will be losing their jobs due to the BS the government has been pulling. You go where the jobs are.
THIS!