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MIL Mayhem
My husband and I have been married for 5 months now, together just over 4 years, and since our wedding we have lost my father-in-law (which was very unexpected), bought a new house and my husband has been under a lot of pressure and stress at work. Since my FIL's passing it has been very hard to readjust to the new family dynamic on my husband's side. My side of the family has been doing everything they can and always inviting my MIL to family events.
Now that we have moved I would like to have a few close family members over for the evening to celebrate my Uncle's safe return from the Middle East until he has to return BUT am being guilted into not including my MIL in the guest list. She has yet to come see our house, we have been there 1 month. My whole family has been out. The way I see it, this isn't a house warming, this is inviting the family to meet out our house now that I have the ability to host small intimate family gatherings. Am I wrong for not including my MIL in the guest list?
Re: MIL Mayhem
Its sweet that you and your family have extended yourselves to your MIL to include her. She's obviously suffered a huge loss.
However, I don't feel that this requires that your family must now always invite her. She's YOUR family (as you married her son), she's not your family's family.... if that makes sense.
I do wonder, though, who is guilting you into NOT inviting her and why?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
But I do think some clarification is needed. Because maybe you're right?
And I'm still not sure why she is being guilted or by whom.
OP?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Maybe OP made a mistake and she meant to say that she's being guilted into inviting her MIL?
I could go either way on this. On one hand, it sounds like this gathering is being held in honor of your uncle, and unless your MIL is close to him in some way, there's no reason she needs to be there. On the other hand, one guest who hasn't seen the house yet is hardly going to turn it into a housewarming party and take all of the focus off the uncle, and MIL's presence won't hurt anything. What does your husband say?
If you are worried or being "guilted" into inviting MIL because she hasn't seen the house yet then have a separate dinner where you invite her over.
Otherwise I would say that you don't have to invite her to your Uncle's welcome home party. It's different if she knows him and has some family interaction, but from your post that's not the way I understand it. I'm sure she'll understand either way.
This is how I read it. And if I'm right, then OP I think you should invite her.
You are under no obligation to invite her.
I am reading this as it is the OPs Uncle and this is a her side of the family event. MIL does not have to be invited to every little family event that your family has. Since I'm assuming that your Uncle is military and this is a dinner for his return home I can see why it would be your family only.
Although I can see both sides (ie it's not her family party so an invite is not required), I feel like it would be in good taste to invite her. It's only one person, and it will probably be good for her to get her out of the house and around other people. My father died very unexpectedly a few months after my wedding, and my in-laws were very kind with including my mom for different holidays, parties, etc. It was good because it gave my mom something to do aside from moping alone at home.
TTC since September 2012
just to clarify (sorry)
the way my husband sees it is that since we haven't hosted anything in our home yet, and that this would be the first event, he feels we should be treating it more like a house warming and inviting ALL close family.
However, the reason I don't see it as a house warming is becuase my side has been out at different times already my main focus of this event would be my Uncle's homecoming. I'm having a difficult time explaing this to my husband. He feels his mother would be horribly insulted if she wasn't invited because it is the first family event in our new home.
I want to celebrate someone in my family with my family, does every event really need to be extended to all sides?
To answer the bolded - No, not every event warrants both extended families. However, in this case, considering your MIL just lost her husband, I think it would be nice to inviter her. And only her... not every Tom, *** or Harry on your husband's side. It's only one more person and it would do her some good to get out and surround herself with loving people.
In a nutshell - if it were me, I would invite my MIL (and I don't even like my MIL!).
As your DH wants to invite ALL close family- I'm on your side on this. This event is about your uncle. Not about your house. Perhaps to appease him, schedule a housewarming for the near future so that you can all at least say that you have an event planned.
But if he's really staunch about his mother (which honestly, I kind of side-eye the whole being insulted at not being invited to the first "family event" at the house... Good grief) - as it is just ONE person, I wouldn't pick this hill to die on. But that's only if he agrees to JUST her. Not his entire family. Because, again, this is about your uncle.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with ECB. This party is about your uncle and him coming home safe and sound. He is the one that should be celebrated, not you having a new home.
Why would MIL even have to know how the party ?