Family Matters
musicgirl06
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help....what to do about sil's?
Hi all! I hope somone can give me some good advice about how to handle this. DH sisters have not liked me from the get-go. I had a fight with one for being out of line towards me, and they proceeded to boycott our upcoming wedding. At the last minute, they decide to be in again, leaving the me to scramble to find dresses for them because they returned the ones they originally bought. One has been impossible to get to know; she tells me that to build a relationship, it takes time and shared experiences. I then ask, how can you do that when she never acts like she gives a crap about me in my life? She even had the gall to tell my husband how she wants him to be happy, but she doesn't think it would happen with me. They basically don't think that I am worth my husband's time and that nothing coming out of my mouth is true. Do I bother with this relationship? Oh, and the fact that they both think I am a lying piece of garbage (even when my infant and I stood on a dangerous corner to wait for a bus in order to go over to ones home for a play date). I did not do this to get attention and be a drama queen. I did it because I would get yelled at for not making a proper attempt to get to the house (which I did get yelled at for; the bus never came and my car was not working). Plus, it was the only corner we could get to on foot.
Re: Help....what to do about sil's?
A - what does your DH think/ do? These are his sisters. He should be doing something to help you.
B- it would be nice to be friends w his sisters, but it's not a requirement. I'd honestly stop tryin so hard. You're giving them a lot of power at the moment. I'd just focus about being civil and polite to them and just let the cards fall where they may. You can't force people to be friends w you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
He could have asked them to be female ushers. And you need not include siblings; it is not a must.
How old are they? They sound woefully childish.
He needs to tell them where it's at. And if he does not --- and surprise! He hasn't ---- very bad news.
What you are marrying is a doormat. By virtue of the fact he has not taken your side in this and told them to cool it and stop it once and for all, it's the same thing as saying "Treat Musicgirl06 any way you wish; it is fine by me."
Ditto Tarpon and I'll add this: Why did YOU have to scramble to find dresses for them (and why did you refer to yourself in third person as 'the bride'?) If they wanted to be in the wedding, it should have been their responsibility to get a dress (their only responsibility, incidentally).
But really, this should be your H's problem, since they're his siblings. If he does not make it crystal clear to them that they need to be at bare minimum CIVIL to his wife, you've got an H problem and not a SIL problem.
Why does your husband let them treat you like that ?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I can easily imagine you putting off a crappy and dramatic vibe toward them which they may be responding to. Referring to yourself as The Bride seems a bit dramatic as is standing on a dangerous street corner with an infant (ZOMG!!!) waiting for a bus to have a playdate with them. Were you expecting gratitude for this selfless, courageous act? Appropriate recognition of the extreme suffrage and personal danger you underwent to accommodate them?
If this is a common thing, I can see why they might be responding to you this way.
They are his siblings. You're newer than they are. So what if they told their brother that they didn't like you and advised against marrying you? My BIL said the same thing at one point - we get along great. I was hurt, but I was about 20 years old so maturity played a part I'm sure.
The bottom line is that you don't have to accommodate them, you don't have to be friends with them and you don't have to give them any power or standing in your own marriage. His family, his problem. He deals with them. He communicates with them. You are polite, kind, civil and respond as a reflection of how you are treated. They give a gift - you give a thank you note, and a gift in turn. They say hello and ask polite questions, you respond the same. They invite you out, you invite them out. Stop sticking yourself out there and just focus on your own marriage, family and friends.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Wait. What?
What happened to telling us all we can go to hell? Oh. That was before you deleted your crazy cakes post calling me a "moran", swearing and saying my husband shouldn't have married me, then deleted one of my posts... and then edited your OP to remove some of the crazy and then responded being super sweet, thankful and just run down by your horrid sisters in law.
I'm sorry, who gets very loud and mean when they don't get their way?
Cripes lady. You'll no doubt delete this post of mine too. Seriously though, a bit of self-reflection here might help you out if you respond the same way to your family as you do to internet strangers who were being pretty tame and helpful.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
reposting so that this doesn't get lost
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I hate Moderating on weekends. I only get on piecemeal because it is a weekend and all that.
Oh well.
Illumine and ECB YGPM.
And shame on you for letting your lives and families get in the way of your nesting! For shame!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk