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Should I have kept my mouth shut?
I need some advice, ladies. I think I mentioned before my baby brother and his wife were expecting their first this summer. Awhile ago, I offered to throw her a baby shower. Not wanting to step on toes of anyone in her family that wanted to throw her one, I just told them to let me know.
Today I sent my brother a text asking about shower plans and my brother said his wife decided to throw her own shower in May. Ummmmm, what????!!!
Now, they are very young, so I'm sure they just don't know better. But, I don't understand since she clearly had someone offer to throw her one.
I sent my mom a text asking what she knew about it and she said that yes, she offered to throw one too, but SIL wanted the shower "her way" and that is why she was throwing her own and my mom was actually feeling kind of excluded.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I called my brother and told him it was actually very bad manners to throw your own shower because you are asking people to show up and bring gifts. A shower should be thrown in your honor and I didn't understand since she clearly had people offer. And that if she was worried things wouldn't be "her way" we would certainly make sure to get her input on favors, games, etc. Not to mention, in the process, they hurt my mom's feelings. My brother just said she already had everything planned the way she wanted it so that is what she was going to do and that no one they were inviting would be offended.
Now I'm feeling awful I said anything and that SIL is going to be upset with me. On the other hand, no one else was going to tell them to their face so I felt like I should. DH said if it were his sister, he would have said something. Would you have said something or let it go and show up at the shower with a smile on your face?
Re: Should I have kept my mouth shut?
I probably would have gone the 'mom and I would really love to help, please let us know if we can do anything at all!'
it sucks that she decided to go that route, especially since you both offered, ultimately there isn't much you can do about it. Is it in bad taste? Yes. But, in the end she was gonna do what she wanted to do and all you can do is offer to help. I don't think I would have ever 'pointed out' that it's quite distasteful to throw her own shower, because it wouldn't do anything to change her mind... Obviously. All you can do now is offer to help...
My goodness, she's being tacky and rude. Honestly, I think you handled it well. I would have said something too, especially because they're young and might not have known better. Now that she knows she's being ridiculous and is still choosing to do it, I would just go along with the ride.
Congrats auntie to be! Good luck with what is sure to be a gem of a shower
This is exactly what I would have said. Since she is young she needs to realize that throwing her own shower is generally considered poor etiquette and is tacky/rude, especially when she had other people offer to throw her one. You put the ball in her court, and she's going to do what she wants to do, but at least you can't say you didn't educate her on the subject. Don't feel bad!
Thanks ladies, I've been guilty of talking out of place before so I often question if I stuck my foot in my mouth.
I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't have said anything because maybe her friends/family generally would not be offended. On our side, it's just me, my mom, and my sister so we could generally look past it. She is a sweet girl, I feel like this is out of character for her. In fact, I'm in shock she wants to throw her own since she didn't want a bridal shower because it would be too much stress and my brother planned entire wedding because again, she gets stressed out easily.
I plan some pretty beautiful showers, if I say so myself. Her loss :-) Either way, should be interesting!
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I would have said something. You're right it is completely rude and I would never in a million years think of throwing my own shower. If someone didn't want to throw me one then H and I would probably plan like a small BBQ or something to celebrate the baby but would let people know gifts are not required or requested. But to ask people to bring gifts and all this is very tacky.
You did the right thing!