Family Matters
tmsb827
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
General post about mom's: why are they so crazy?
Why do mom's lie and gaslight and scheme and stuff? I know it's not just my mom and my MIL.
Just if as a mother, this is what I'd be doomed to be, then I'd really rather not have kids.
Re: General post about mom's: why are they so crazy?
This is a good place to vent about your mom or MIL, but you have to give us some specifics about your situation!
My mother doesn't lie or scheme but the relationship we have is difficult. For some reason it's awkward. I can tell you that my best friend has a terrible mother. I could tell you tons of stories. Her mother is clearly narcissistic and was VERY neglectful and inappropriate while my friend was growing up. Child Protective Services were called on her mother many times by other families in the community.
My point is that my friend has two daughters and she is a great mother! If you want children, you are not doomed to act like your mother or MIL! There is hope, especially if you are aware of it as you seem to be.
ETA: My friend did have many years of counseling to work through stuff with her mother although their relationship will never be good
Ditto. Please get into therapy if you haven't already, that will help you create healthy boundaries for these people.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I am offended beyond belief. I am a Mom. I do not lie. I do not gaslight. I do not scheme. And while I DO stuff, I can honestly say my stuff is never done out of malice.
Gestation and Labor do not make a person bad.
You need therapy or another outlet.
Meh - I think a lot of it is that MIL's can be viewed that way when in reality a lot of it was never their intention, or wires are being crossed. Yes, there are some nutters out there but a lot of us have MIL's and mothers that are lovely people, which we aim to eventually be ourselves.
You get protective over your kids and if I am honest about it, if my girls were to one day come to me with a boyfriend or partner that I didn't approve of for them I'd probably be less than thrilled and supportive as well.
That said, I think that if these stereotypes are making you second guess motherhood in general you may want to look at that more closely.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
This.
Are they crazy 'cus they're moms? Or are they moms 'cus they're crazy?
Anyway... maybe 18+ years of dealing with a kid like you will do that to a person.
Those types of moms are generally just selfish. There isn't the magic answer to crazy though. You are not doomed to be anything..you are only doomed if you choose to have that mind set. If you don't want to scheme then don't.
You are right that it's not only in your family but I can't say I have personal experience...but I have seen other experiences and the kids turn out to be great parents if they want that change.
You just described my mother to a "T"! All the more reason I have done the complete opposite of what she would do when it comes to my daughter. I am not a concieted person in any means of the word, but I have no reservation about telling anyone what an awesome mother I am! I am that way because I never want my daughter to look back and think to herself "Why can't Mom just be honest with me and stop making things all about her" My mom did that to me, we are not close and I do not want that for my daughter and me.
Have kids, enjoy them, and do the opposite of the crazy moms!
My mom literally used to kick me out of the house for losing things as a child. She'd sometimes make me stand in the driveway and when she'd get mad at my dad while he was driving she used to try to turn the wheel as if she wanted the car to crash. One time she tried to throw a huge hardcover book at me.
My mother in law: my husband at one point was afraid that she would one day kill him because of her temper. When she's upset she screams and rages for hours and hours and then won't remember having done that later.
I realize I was vague...I wasn't trying to make this about my situation. I know I wasn't a bad kid.
I never said going into labor makes for a bad mom or a woman who is bad or whatever. I know adoptive mothers that are monsters.
Maybe I should have been more specific in the original post. The reason I brought it up is because there are so many threads on this board about drama with moms. I don't think you can deny that.
Of course growing up I'd look at other mothers and think they were great. Mine just wasn't one of them.
I imagine it takes a lot of hard work to not follow in your mom (or any other negative influence's) footsteps. I just know my mom doesn't think her mom was a good mom either...just seems like a weird cycle. My mother in law's mother did not interfere when her husband was abusive to the family...I know MIL has tried her best but she can be so mean sometimes.
I'm not saying you're a good mom or a bad mom, but I bet all moms try their best.
Just saying, when you've heard a mother who has hit her kids, verbally and emotionally abused them and always telling them that they will fail in life...though one of the worst things I ever heard from her was that she wished she strangled one of her kids when he was still a baby. She always likes to say how great of a mom she is and that she knows when she dies she'll get into heaven.I just think she could work more on being a mother.
The other reason this topic was in my head because a lot of the authors whose work I read had poor relationships with their mothers. My question was a serious one, and I wasn't trying to bash people for no reason. I mean, the other month I opened up an etiquette book in the store and there was a whole section on how to deal with crazy mothers and mother in laws during weddings. I'm certainly not the first person to mention this at all.
Sorry I'm not sorry you're offended... though the picture is pretty cute.
I'm all for grammar, but consider the following:
-Being a child of immigrants, I grew up learning 2 languages at once. You could probably see why my spelling and grammar isn't always impeccable.
-This is the internet. And it's a board. It's not a blog or a work email or an article that I was going to publish...so forgive me if I don't triple check what I write like I normally would.
Also, not everyone has the best education growing up. And some people have learning and reading disabilities.