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Need help with his parents. *long!

Hey! 

So I have kind of a long story, thanks in advance for bearing with me! :)

My boyfriends parents do not - not like me, but I am definitely not their favorite person. Which has been made obvious. In 8 days we will be celebrating our 2 yr anniversary. Things are definitely serious with him, I've never felt this way before.  

Back when we first started dating his dad and step-mom adored me. They were always so nice, inviting us to come over for dinner. Asking about me. Taking time to find out about me and my background. His mom wasn't my biggest fan to say the least - we met at Hooters, while I was working there, and she thought that meant I was a slut. Which thankfully I'm not, I can count on one hand all the guys I've dated, let alone slept with thank you very much. 

Then we got pregnant, his parents accused me of 'tricking' him into getting pregnant so I could 'trap' him in the relationship so he could support me for the rest of my life. :'( Yes those were his dads exact words to me. His dad withdrew his offer to let us live in the house BF inherited in his grandpa's will last summer...I don't know how he can do that when my bf inherited it, but it happened. Due to all the stress I unfortunately lost the baby at about 8-9 weeks, it was the darkest time in my life. Bf & his parents didn't speak for months.

They are doing a lot better now. We are currently living in the house that BF inherited, because surprisingly once I wasn't pg anymore the house was available for us to move into again...  

His mom and I are getting along a lot better now, meaning we are on speaking terms and polite when together. His dad and I are civil when together. But neither of them really go out of their way to make me feel like they did when we first started dating. I am definitely the third wheel and basically get ignored when either of them are with us...

I try to be nice and go out of my way to make things better - but I just feel like there's something there still.

I don't really know how to fix things with his parents, and want to stop stressing out about it. BF says that he doesn't want to propose to me and have his parents freak out and turn their backs on us again like they did when they found out I was pg. I know that when he's ready he won't care so much about his parents freaking out, but he says that still scares him. 

UGH! I don't know what to do!! I just spent the weekend with his dad here and it was so hard to be around him. Every time his dad is nice to us, he turns around and hurts BF some how. So we are waiting for the backlash to come... 

Advice?

Sorry its so long :( 

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Re: Need help with his parents. *long!

  • Your big question:

    Can you agree to live for the next 50 years with a guy who cannot and will not have your back and will not stand up for you?

    Here is your big problem:

    Him, not his parents.

    I see nothing in t

  • Yeah, I'm wondering where your BF is in all of this.  Is he doing ANYTHING to defend you?  To defend your relationship?  It sounds like "no".

    If he won't stand up to his parents at all, realize that to proceed w/ him and marry&nbsp

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy.  He lets his parents tell him he can't live in a house that he owns and now he won't propose to you because they'll be unhappy about it.  Unless you're okay with being treated with a complete lack of r
  • And he is scared to make it official with you because why???

    Get rid of this piece of deadweight. You already threw away about 2 or 3 best years of your life on him.

    Lost cause.
  • Your BF needs to stand up for you. He is clearly picking his parents over you. If he inherited the house outright, he needed to say um no dad that's my house and we are going to live there. And he's letting them prevent him from proposing? He's clearly no
  • I have nothing against working at Hooters, but he held his mom's first introduction to you there? Older people tend to be more conservative, and moms tend to be conservative about who their children date; Hooter's name is a racy synonym and its bu

  • imagerenegade gaucho:
    I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy.  He lets his parents tell him he can't live in a house that he o
  • Your BF isn't an adult or a mature man. He is worried about them freaking out IF he proposes to you? Why does he give a flying F what the do or think or want?

    If he legally is the 100% owner of that house they can't keep him out of it. Find out w

  • imageManther1222:

    I have nothing against working at Hooters, but he held his mom's first introduction to you there? Older people tend t

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Thanks everyone!! You already told me what I know - unfortunately. :'( 

    I am going to have a talk with him and see what he says about all this, his parents, the house, us, everything. And we will go from there I guess.

    The hardest par

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  • It's not so much NOW that I need the defending and standing up for. It was back when all the drama was happening. 

    Now are polite to each other, get along for the sake of bf. I just want to figure out how to get over my feelings towards ever

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  • Yes, you should always stand up for yourself. But your BF has a responsibility to stand up for you as the woman he loves. I wouldn't let my parents treat my H like crap. It makes it that much harder for you to stand up for yourself if he backs down. And i
  • imageamberdkennard:

    BF says that he doesn't want to propose to me 

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    BabyFruit Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageMLE2010:

    Your BF isn't an adult or a mature man. He is worried about them freaking out IF he proposes to you? Why does he give a f

  • imageamberdkennard:

    Thanks everyone!! You already told me what I know - unfortunately. :'( 

    I am going to have a talk with h

  • It's not so much NOW that I need the defending and standing up for. It was back when all the drama was happening.

    He should have had your back then, but didn't.  If you haven't already you need to make it known that he let you down

  • imageamberdkennard:

    Now are polite to each other, get along for the sake of bf. I just want to figure out how to get over my feelings t

  • imagerenegade gaucho:
    imageamberdkennard
  • He doesn't want to propose to you?

    Or he doesn't want to MARRY you???

    Big difference.

    And it doesn't matter which one of the above it is: the most damaging of news is in the way he treats you.  He has zero re
  • Something else to remember: if he does propose and you do get married, you are STUCK with his family. Why put yourself through the you're of feeling like this forever? Nothing you can say will change them and nothing will make him stand up to his paren

  • imageCowgirlK39:

    My H is like a dog on a leash. 

    Oh wow.

    Moving on...

    (zips up flame r

    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • imageTofumonkey:
    imageCowgirlK39:</stron
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • imageEastCoastBride:
    imageTofumonkey:</s
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