Family Matters
kibskix
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
silly bitter jealousy over baby sister (rambling within)
Long story short, I was raised in a family where both my parents, aunts/uncles, 3 grandparents and most of my numerous cousins were raised jehovah's witness. My parents stopped going to the kingdom hall when I was around oh, 10 or so, but I still went from time to time with my grandmother when she asked until I was 13 or so. I've never had a birthday party or a cake, never allowed to go trick or treating or do easter or christmas traditions, etc. Even when they stopped going and started trying to do christmas stuff, we just did presents, no tree or decorations and still no birthday stuff. As an adult now, most of the time these things just slip my mind. One year I just did my taxes on my birthday. I'm not overly bitter about having that sort of childhood, in part I think it made me less spoiled and less expectant than some people.
However, my dad and step-mom have a 1 year old daughter now. (i'm almost 28, she was an accident baby
) She's frickin adorable and is doted over of course. Her birthday was a few days ago, and all day long my dad (who rarely contacts me to see how I am living 5 hours away) texted me photos of her party and her cake and all the stuff she got. They dressed her up as a little pumpkin on halloween and took her trick or treating when she was 7 months old. These days the only time my dad calls me is to tell me how much she looks like me and how cute she is or how loud she screams, etc.
I get that their whole lives now revolve around the toddler running their house now, but I can't help but feel a little pissed off about it when I think of how I've been treated from teenage years up. On my 18th birthday my family completely forgot, and to make up for it the next day my dad bought me a stuffed toy. you can imagine how I took that turning 18 and getting a stuffed animal for a present a day late. A few christmases ago when my step mom was pregnant and everyone was doting over her, I was in town for a few weeks. My dad called me when I was napping and said "oh we've planned an impromptu photo shoot with the family, get up to Sears asap!" I threw on something and ran up there, only to find out that it WASNT impromptu, he flat out FORGOT about me. A few days later at christmas, I sat around while the family (the ones who do christmas now anyway) opened presents, and I received nothing. The reason? They "forgot" I was there. To try to make up for the embarrassment my uncle gave me 20 bucks out of his wallet, while my little cousins and cousin's kids got gigantic playground equipment my dad bought for them a month in advance.
In light of all this (to my eyes) insulting behavior, i'm still hassled that I don't come visit enough. No one but one cousin has ever come to visit me where I live. When my little sister was born, I got a LOT of *** from relatives for not coming to see her. It didn't seem to matter that my engagement had just been broken off by my ex cheating on me, and how he left me with a giant apartment I couldnt afford on my own and I was in the middle of trying to change jobs and had no money at all. And that at the same time I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease AND a cyst in my jaw, and neither could I afford to take care of. No one bothered to ask how I was, or offer to help me. When I asked my dad straight out for help paying some medical bills(something I have never, ever done, asking for money that is), he made some light joke and changed the subject.
Last November my grandfather was dying and my car was broken down and I was trying desperately to find a way to get to town. My cousin offered to drive all the way up there to pick me up, and her mother (my fathers sister) actually told her no (my cousin is 24btw) she said "she's her fathers problem, he will handle it" but my dad had already said he couldn't do it. But once my dad heard that she said that, suddenly she changed her mind, and my cousin was "allowed" to come get me. So I first saw my baby sister the day my grandfather died. They'd have actually let me miss seeing him rather than go out of their way to help me. I don't forget that particular incident.
Now i'm doing well, my current bf and I have a house and 2 cats, I have my dream job, i'm very excited for our future. His parents came to stay with us for a week recently and they were nice and offered to buy us patio furniture for the deck in the new house. but none of my family have expressed interest in visiting, or even a "congrats" on getting my life back together after it fell apart when my sister was born. Nothing but badgering me on when i'm going to come babysit my sister, or txting me at 11pm about how cute she is.
More and more often it seems, I find myself rolling my eyes and not even responding back. I don't feel animosity toward my sister (hell, she's a baby) but I guess at the unfairness I feel. She's going to be a spoiled brat with all the attention she gets, and constantly doting on her and sending me photos of all the parties they throw for her just reminds me that I was never treated that way when I was growing up, and they are more interested in the next fart she has than helping me out or offering advice when I was in serious trouble.
I think the baby is just a more obvious manifestation of the irritation I've felt at them for a long time. Its like that small town family sticks together crap, but since I moved away, i'm somehow not good enough, like I abandoned them so they don't owe me anything or something. Doesn't matter that I work my off and work in the best establishment in the state for the field i'm in. I suppose its just a difference of values. I live in a large city and have for about 10 years, they live in a small town where you know everyone and nothing changes. But it'd be nice to have it be "oh we're proud of her she's doing well" rather than "she ran off and never comes to see us"
However, my dad and step-mom have a 1 year old daughter now. (i'm almost 28, she was an accident baby
) She's frickin adorable and is doted over of course. Her birthday was a few days ago, and all day long my dad (who rarely contacts me to see how I am living 5 hours away) texted me photos of her party and her cake and all the stuff she got. They dressed her up as a little pumpkin on halloween and took her trick or treating when she was 7 months old. These days the only time my dad calls me is to tell me how much she looks like me and how cute she is or how loud she screams, etc. I get that their whole lives now revolve around the toddler running their house now, but I can't help but feel a little pissed off about it when I think of how I've been treated from teenage years up. On my 18th birthday my family completely forgot, and to make up for it the next day my dad bought me a stuffed toy. you can imagine how I took that turning 18 and getting a stuffed animal for a present a day late. A few christmases ago when my step mom was pregnant and everyone was doting over her, I was in town for a few weeks. My dad called me when I was napping and said "oh we've planned an impromptu photo shoot with the family, get up to Sears asap!" I threw on something and ran up there, only to find out that it WASNT impromptu, he flat out FORGOT about me. A few days later at christmas, I sat around while the family (the ones who do christmas now anyway) opened presents, and I received nothing. The reason? They "forgot" I was there. To try to make up for the embarrassment my uncle gave me 20 bucks out of his wallet, while my little cousins and cousin's kids got gigantic playground equipment my dad bought for them a month in advance.
In light of all this (to my eyes) insulting behavior, i'm still hassled that I don't come visit enough. No one but one cousin has ever come to visit me where I live. When my little sister was born, I got a LOT of *** from relatives for not coming to see her. It didn't seem to matter that my engagement had just been broken off by my ex cheating on me, and how he left me with a giant apartment I couldnt afford on my own and I was in the middle of trying to change jobs and had no money at all. And that at the same time I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease AND a cyst in my jaw, and neither could I afford to take care of. No one bothered to ask how I was, or offer to help me. When I asked my dad straight out for help paying some medical bills(something I have never, ever done, asking for money that is), he made some light joke and changed the subject.
Last November my grandfather was dying and my car was broken down and I was trying desperately to find a way to get to town. My cousin offered to drive all the way up there to pick me up, and her mother (my fathers sister) actually told her no (my cousin is 24btw) she said "she's her fathers problem, he will handle it" but my dad had already said he couldn't do it. But once my dad heard that she said that, suddenly she changed her mind, and my cousin was "allowed" to come get me. So I first saw my baby sister the day my grandfather died. They'd have actually let me miss seeing him rather than go out of their way to help me. I don't forget that particular incident.
Now i'm doing well, my current bf and I have a house and 2 cats, I have my dream job, i'm very excited for our future. His parents came to stay with us for a week recently and they were nice and offered to buy us patio furniture for the deck in the new house. but none of my family have expressed interest in visiting, or even a "congrats" on getting my life back together after it fell apart when my sister was born. Nothing but badgering me on when i'm going to come babysit my sister, or txting me at 11pm about how cute she is.
More and more often it seems, I find myself rolling my eyes and not even responding back. I don't feel animosity toward my sister (hell, she's a baby) but I guess at the unfairness I feel. She's going to be a spoiled brat with all the attention she gets, and constantly doting on her and sending me photos of all the parties they throw for her just reminds me that I was never treated that way when I was growing up, and they are more interested in the next fart she has than helping me out or offering advice when I was in serious trouble.
I think the baby is just a more obvious manifestation of the irritation I've felt at them for a long time. Its like that small town family sticks together crap, but since I moved away, i'm somehow not good enough, like I abandoned them so they don't owe me anything or something. Doesn't matter that I work my off and work in the best establishment in the state for the field i'm in. I suppose its just a difference of values. I live in a large city and have for about 10 years, they live in a small town where you know everyone and nothing changes. But it'd be nice to have it be "oh we're proud of her she's doing well" rather than "she ran off and never comes to see us"
Re: silly bitter jealousy over baby sister (rambling within)
I was an only child until I was 18, and it's my full blood sibling!!
What you feel is pretty normal, you can't help but compare between your childhood and hers. I do it and I celebrated birthdays and holidays
TBH you are an adult so y
I've asked them as well as my mom and step dad to come visit and see the new house whenever its convenient. I even asked my mom if she'd like to come some time this spring and help me do something with the backyard (she like t
I am the oldest of 7 and I was actually 18 when the youngest was born. Yes, there is big difference between how I was raised and how my youngest brother is raised. My parents were really strict and well...fundamental with me. My mom w
This is really not "silly bitter jealousy over baby sister". This is how you approach your life. You can be a victim, seeing everything that she is getting that you did not, and still are not. Or, you can choose to live your life in a positive way. You
I'm sorry to hear that your family did not remember you at the family pictures, and to give a token gift at Christmas and your dad didn't help when your car was broken down. I'm glad your cousin could help.
You can't compare childhoods.&nbs
Show me where that is divinely imspired and it's another story.
Sorry you got
I'm sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time (I've got an autoimmune disease as well - I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through that as well)
It could just be me, but I'm seeing a theme in your post that might explain why you
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
No, not missed. But the expectation that any family member would drive 5 hours each way to pick you up and bring you to a family funeral is a lot. It's also expensive, and I'm wondering why someone didn't just send her bus fare if they wanted to help h
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Strangely enough, I am observing a lot of these feelings of jealousy coming from my older sister, in regards to her step kids.
My first reaction is: they're her own children (their mom isn't really in the picture)! She shouldn't be jealous of the