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Mom has major anger issues
Once again there was a huge blowout with my family. Once again, my jerk uncle slammed the front door after visiting my grandmother, and my mom (who lives on the floor under my grandmother's apartment) heard it and flipped out.
I mean, seriously flipped. I called my grandma to say hi and just heard the most barbaric yelling. My mother was screaming at my grandma to control her son, or she would call the cops, and screaming like a madwoman. Cursing, throwing things, just straight up yelling like a psychopath, full on tantrum. I was on the phone which kept getting passed around between my mom and grandma and I was trying to calm them both down. My poor grandma sounded scared, but was also trying to assert herself and say that this is her house, and her son is always welcome here. That my mother better not call the police on him.
I eventually lost my temper because after pleading to my mom to just STOP, LISTEN, BREATHE, CALM DOWN, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS RATIONALLY....she just wasn't listening. She started demanding that I call my uncle to scream at him. Well, too late for that I already cut him out of my life to "show my loyalty" to my mom. I'm not going to fight her battles now after she wanted me to stop contact with him. I lost my temper, and said some pretty harsh things to my mom. I told her that this was unacceptable behavior and she better watch out cause she is becoming abusive towards my grandmother. I said for all the therapy and self help books she reads, she better start applying that sh!t to real life situations like this one. Finally, I had it and just said "Great job mom, you're doing real good. Hope you are happy with yourself" and hung up on her.
Later I called my grandmother to make sure she was ok. She's fine, but this whole thing is a mess. I don't know what to do now regarding my mom. Part of me doesn't want to speak to her at all after how she acted (and this is not the first time). Part of me wants to tell her to put on her big girl pants and move out after 54 years of living at home rent free under her parents' roof, whom she obviously has no respect or gratitude towards. I am so sick of this drama which has been going on for 2 years since my grandpa died. But then I won't really have any family left if I stop talking to her. It would just be my grandma, and how would I even see her since she lives right above my mom? Ugh.
Re: Mom has major anger issues
Honestly - I'd do nothing for now. You said what you had to say and as you've been on "her side" through all of this, maybe hearing what you had to say will knock some sense into her. Probably not, but... you never know.
But let her
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
A few more things about my mom that are making me so angry...
She's retired, well actually on disability, but she sleeps all day til like 2 oclock, doesn't really do much. She shirks off all responsibilities. She literally doesn't want ANY respon
I agree, I don't think that this is normal behavior at all. And it's becoming more and more difficult to defend my mom w. regard to our family situation when she flies off the handle and acts irresponsibly.
BUT BUT BUT..... she is my mom and I do
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My MIL probably has borderline personality disorder...it sounds like your mom has something.
This is what I try to remind my husband: You can't save her. You can love her, but you can't save her and you can't trust her.
The way to get
Thanks again for the responses. Sorry I didn't get on here at all yesterday. ECB, I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. That's terrible what she is going through and it's even worse knowing that it all could have been avoided!!
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I'm worried that this is sloping toward abuse toward your grandmother - that her son cannot come over to her house.
No idea how you should approach this, but I feel for you.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I feel for you NYC Artist! Everything you say makes sense but I wonder if you are judging your mom a bit much? I figure if she is retired and disabled then she has a right to do nothing all day if she chooses.
Do you visit your grandmother