Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need Impartial MIL Advice - Mother's Day across the country?
Okay so I love my MIL, we typically get along well and even have a lot in common. The only contentious parts of our relationship have been a result of her tendency to manipulate people around her - getting first pick on visiting us over my family, guilt trips, etc. And that contention has been kept behind the scenes, with my husband intervening to patch things up when needed. But we are just focused on loving her as best we can despite her flaws, which is all I expect from her!
We moved from the East coast to the West coast a couple of weeks after we got married (~1.5yrs ago), for an job opportunity for my husband. Since then, we've gone back for Christmas visits, and his family has come out to visit us twice.
About a month ago, she asked, and we told her gently that no, she could not pick up and fly out to visit for a spontaneous long-weekend trip out here to see him.
The next twist is parents are closing on a new house, their first since they bought the house my husband grew up in, as an only child. They've been looking at this house since before we turned down her trip to come out and visit. She proposed they fly him out there to visit the house one last time before the move out, for memories' sake.
I was a little miffed she didn't invite to also fly me out for the trip, as they're very well-off and she has at times not respected the fact that we're married and our own family unit now, in spite of him being her son. But I got over my initial hesitation, seeing it might be a good opportunity for a sweet family moment.
Now the dates have changed. Her new proposed plan is to fly both of us out, Mother's Day weekend, and she has him see them, and I go surprise my family.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see my family, and it's generous of her to offer to pay. But like I said, she hasn't always respected us as a unit, she has a history of manipulation (ie before hanging up on Skype, she says to my husband: "I know you were probably thinking 'oh God. I thought I'd never have to spend a Mother's Day with that woman again." ::sad eyes with quivering smile:: )
Plus, both sets of our parents are coming out to visit us this Summer.
I think if the history wasn't there I'd be on board, but I don't want to set a precedent here that she can just plan sporadic trips to fly out here, or fly him out to see her whenever she wants.
It just feels like she's working every angle, like, third time's a charm, this time they'll say yes! Like she's determined to get her way, and I don't want to give in and let her think she can do this whenever she wants.
My thoughts on a compromise? She flies us both out, not Mother's Day weekend, and we visit both families, together.
What do you guys think?
Re: Need Impartial MIL Advice - Mother's Day across the country?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm not sure what the big deal is. I would be extremely grateful that someone wants to fly us both clear across the country (tickets wouldn't be cheap!) I would be extremely happy that I get to see my family...with or without DH. I understand that you
TTC since June 2012
The only issue here is your MIL is using money to get her way.
1. She asked to fly out to see him- told no
2. She asked to fly H out alone using the old house- told no
3. She asks to fly you BOTH out and send you off to get her
I don't see a difference if it's Mothers Day or some other day? Considering your folks are out there too, it's actually nice you will have the opportunity to see your family and celebrate. Plus, if she's paying she does have a say in when y
I really think you are making a bigger deal about this than you should in my opinion.
I think you see this as "squaring off" and someone getting their way and someone else loses. Life is way too short to be about battles over what appears to b
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I don't see why you spending time alone with your family is a bad idea. I bet your family would love it.
Visiting family that you only see a couple times a year by yourself seems like a nice idea to me.
I don't think you realize how har
I would have to disagree that there's no difference between Mother's Day and some other weekend. Mother's Day causes some moms to have really really high expectations which can lead to frustration on the kids' part. One Mother's Day my MIL told my husb