Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do you discuss a problem with a family member that annoys you...?
So there is lots of history with my BIL and SIL through out this past year that has made our relationship strained. I've been trying to have a new outlook towards them with this new year and I have hoped to make things better.
However, they annoy the living hell out of me! They are completetly rude to my MIL, SIL and to me and H at times. The most recent occasion is this, we discussed Easter plans weeks ago, I know that SIL does family functions as well so I made it a point to let her know that we are planning on getting together and if she had any time preferences so they don't conflict to let us know and we would let her know once we came up with more solid plans. Well I'm a big planner so I jumped on this about a week and a half ago to get the ball rolling also because my side of the family will be joining H's side so its one big joint Easter. My other SIL (whom I get along with great), my grandma and I hashed out all the details and made official plans, with time, food menu, etc. The easist way to get ahold of SIL and BIL is through phone, however they share a phone number so I just sent a text to let them know the plan and asked them if they had any special requests or if there was any conflict to let me know. No response until today. I basically told my other SIL that we should not count on them to be in charge of anything since we weren't sure if they would make it, which we were fine with. I was pretty annoyed that it took them so long to respond with, "Yes we will be coming." They didn't even offer to help with anything. Whatever no biggie we'll see them there that's cool.
My niece's 1st birthday happens to be the day before Easter (daughter of annoying BIL and SIL), so we knew that there would be some sort of celebration. While I had mentioned Easter plans over two weeks ago I also brought up what their plans were for Niece's birthday. SIL said she had been thinking about it and was kind of planning on doing something small with only family her side and us. I thought that was cool since we've never met anyone in her family besides her mom and briefly her dad once. Well last weekend when I sent my final Easter plans to them I still hadn't heard on any party details. I figured they'd let us know when they figured it out so no biggie. Well she finally sends out a Facebook invite to over 100 people for nieces birthday for the day before Easter. Small party I guess went out the window! They are having it in a church and asked people to bring something to share, personally I thought that was odd but whatever it's their kid their party.
Here is the part that really makes me upset, they have been nothing but rude to my MIL for the past year and a half basically since they have been engaged. MIL has never done anything to warrant any disrespect. By disrespect I mean, they never answer her phone calls, never let her visit with the baby unless it is at family functions, never invite her to anything including wedding/baby shower/birth and now niece's 1st birthday. I don't know if they assume that one of us will just inform her and bring her along or what! MIL doesn't use FB but she does have a phone so I thought it was pretty rude that they couldn't even call her when they took the time to invite a bunch of people online. They hardly respond to my other SIL but for some reason they do seem to get back to H and I but I think that is due to all the drama that had happened between us prior and they are afraid to piss us off again. I don't really interact with them much except at family functions so it's not like I know all the details all the time I usually hear it second hand through mutual friends or on FB. I did make it a point to kind of try and patch up our relationship and spent some time with them at their home but I kind of just dropped in on them, because like I said trying to contact them is a pain.
So I feel really bad for MIL she is never included in their lives and the rest of us are barely included. I know that BIL and SIL are very involved with her mother and her family so it's not like they are like this to everyone, just us.They are also habitually late to everything we have to tell them events start a hour earlier just to get them to show up on time and they never offer to help with or towards anything which they don't have to but personally I always ask just in case because I feel like it is polite.
My question is do I try and explain to them that I feel they are being disrespectul to us as a family and ask them to maybe try to be more considerate especially towards MIL? I personally think it is just plain rude to never respond to someone especially when there is no apparant problem or disagreement going on. If you think I should could you explain some approaches I could use?
Sorry I wrote a frickin' novel!
Re: How do you discuss a problem with a family member that annoys you...?
My question is do I try and explain to them that I feel they are being disrespectul to us as a family and ask them to maybe try to be more considerate especially towards MIL?
I think this will go over like a lead balloon. Especiall
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I lurk, but couldn't help but reply.
You said there's no "apparent problem". Is it possible that there *is* a problem that you aren't aware of? Could it be your MIL doesn't treat them as she does you? In my situation, my M
Are you the second DIL? Was SIL first to marry in this family? If so you have no idea how your MIL treated her or the drama that went down before you. SIL also may not have confided in you whatever the issue really is.
I think it's strange
@EastCoast
I know i need to not let it bother me so much I needed to vent yesterday and I feel better now. Mil is going to party and they are coming to Easter everyone wins.
DH has had a discussion that turned into a huge argume
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
@Nantucket
you are right there could be a possible problem but it doesn't seem very apparent to MIL either and even if she could apologize they for give her the time or day to try so what is she to do? Also I don't feel and no one else in the fam
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Unfortunatly how you are describing your MIL is EXACTLY how BIL and SIL act towards ALL of us. It is incredibly fake and obvious, we just don't know what we did to deserve this type of treatment. I don't know how all of us can be wrong in thinking that
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It is more about our niece, that's who we don't want to lose contact with, personally BIL and SIL it doesn't bother me to not see them or hear from them.
Previously DH was mad at me because I obviously did not like them and wouldn't even intera
So you've been rude to them in the past and now youre upset that they are rude to you and you wonder WHY they are rude....????
Yes, I know. You were rude because they were rude. But 2 wrongs don't make a right.
AND yes, reality is if
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Getting married due to pregnancy can bring out the worst in people. Who knows what happened behind closed doors?
Also, if you did not like them, why should they now like you?
My DH wanted us to get along more. I tried to tell him that I can love them but it doesn't mean I have to like them, and he didn't really like that so he asked me to try more.
Yes I was rude because they were treating us like *** and I didn
The other thing I see here is that there seems to be a "DH problem" too. They treat you all rudely but he puts it on YOU to be nicer to them? So their feelings matter more than yours?
Plus, HE needs to understand that it takes
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
>>My question is do I try and explain to them that I feel...
What? Absolutely not.
These people are DH's biological relatives. BIL and BIL and MIL are HIS business.
You just got married last September.
My thoughts are MYOB. SIL and BIL probably have their reasons why they don't want to spend time with MIL. MIL and SIL and BIL need to all talk about it, but if they don't want to then nothing will change. Perhaps MIL did something tha