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Inlaw update
It has been awhile since I have posted here. I just wanted to give all of you and update and possible encouragement to those who have difficult relationships with their inlaws.
For those who remember my constant post about how my inlaws were controlling, manipulating, and invading our privacy by making unannounced visits, and her constant involvement in our relationship...well, it has been one full year since I have interacted with my inlaws!!! We decided that we needed space from them in order for our relationship to grow....
I decided to write my mother inlaw a letter to tell her how I feel, because I knew that by doing so she would have to hear my feelings without interruption or trying to pressure me with guilt. I let her know woman to woman the new boundaries and if she crossed them it would not be tolerated by either of us. I informed her that what goes on between me and my husband has nothing to do with her, and no longer will I engage in diccussions about our relationship with her. We decided that it would be best if he dealt directly with his family.
The inlaws had to much power and control in our relationship, and we needed out space as a couple in order to create our own identity in our marriage. It has been a year, and it has been great! We decide together as a couple, and if they don't like our decisions that's there problem. We no longer offer explanations about the things we do....we just do it!
They were upset in the beginning with our new boundaries, but they are still alive...and we are no longer their puppets on a string!!
my advice to couples going through it with inlaws....put your relationship above everything and everyone!! Don't allow anyone to set their expectations on your relationship, and have clear boundaries and consequences!
Re: Inlaw update
Don't write letters.
It's ineffectual and also kind of middle schoolerish. What you and he needed to do in lieu of you sending a written communique:
The both of you sit down with them and the both of you read them the riot act.
Good
I disagree. Writing letters for some people actually works. I didn't talk to my mother for two years and sent her a letter, and now we are slowly talking to each other again.
My husband and I actually write love letters to each other every other