Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Never thought I would dread holidays...but I do (Long...sorry)
Sorry this is long, but a lot to express/vent. So, as my subject says, I've gotten to the point where I now dread holidays.
Here's why: My dad passed away a few years ago, and there are no aunts/uncles nearby. It has always been my mom, my sisters, and my older sister's husband and eventually kids for holiday gatherings.
A few years ago, my older sister moved to another state with her husband and kids. Around the same time, my younger sister moved out with her boyfriend. A year before that I moved in with my fiance. The problem is, my mom hasn't grown with us. She still wants everything to be like "the good old days", where everyone gathers at her house for holidays and she plays hostess. And if that can't happen, she isn't open to any alternatives.
For example, a few years ago my sister had just had her 2nd baby in early December, and wanted to host Christmas to make things easier. My mom showed up for about a half hour just to see her grandkids, and left. Her reasoning: "It was supposed to be at my house". No reasoning of "But Mom, she JUST had a baby 2 weeks ago" broke through.
And now onto the most recent debacle. My fiance's family plans very early for holidays. Who wants to host, what time, what dish everyone should bring, etc. My mom does not. The Wednesday before Easter I was still trying to talk with her about what she'd like to do. A month in advance, we were invited to Easter brunch at FI's sister's house.. With no other plans, we accepted. FI's sister also invited my mom, my sister, AND her boyfriend. I told my mom it would mean a lot to me if she came and since she's very busy, she wouldn't have to worry about cooking or anything like that. We'd pick her up, drive together, and just have a good time. FI also asked her himself. She said no.
So, I still tried 2 days before to get my sister and mom together (at mom's house). Asked what time would work, and what I should bring. No response. The day of Easter, my sister decided to visit her "best friend" (and current convict) in prison rather than spending the day with her family. I woke up early, made a dessert, sent everyone a 'Good morning and Happy Easter" text, and continued texting my mom throughout the morning - "We'll see you soon, I'll let you know when we're on the way", "On the way now", etc. No response. Get to mom's house with FI, knock on the door, no answer, Ring the door bell, no answer. Call my mom, she answers. Tells me she volunteered to go in to work and Easter is cancelled.
No phone call from my mom for 2 weeks. She finally does call my yesterday to talk about my wedding which is in a few weeks. I ask her about Easter, and she goes on about "What happened to MY family?", "My neighbor is asking my where my kids are", "I'm not going to sit at home and cry", "You have your own priorities now", "You don't need to come by with a plate of food like I'm homeless" (referrring to me bringing by Thanksgiving dinner that she refused to attend)...etc.
I don't know what to do. If anyone has successfully dealt with something like this, I'd love your advice. I feel like I'm bending over backwards trying to make everyone happy, trying to visit everyone on holidays and not leave them out. It's gotten to the point where I dread holidays. I'd rather stay at home in sweats and celebrate with just FI. What do I do?????
Re: Never thought I would dread holidays...but I do (Long...sorry)
Ok, first of all, how your sister decides to spend her holiday is none of your business. So please stop judging her for spending it with her friend, yes, even though her friend is currently incarcerated. There is no rule that every holiday&
I would not give in to her childish tantrums. Your family is changing and growing, and she needs to realize that she won't always have her way where holidays are concerned.
I sympathize with your situation because I've dealt with some of t
The only way to successfully deal with this is to keep on trucking and ignore your Mom's tactics. She might get on board. If not, at least you have your own sanity and happiness in tact.
Really, you can't change your Mom. You ca
Thank you everyone...your advice really means a lot to me. FI has been telling me for years that I'll never be able to make everyone happy, but I guess I kept trying anyway. I'm going to hand that responsibility back where it belongs - with each person
Just a thought......maybe there is something else going on with your mother that she isn't able to deal with and it manifests itself like this during the holidays. Might be worth asking your mom out to dinner one night one on one sometime not nea
I am sorry you're going through this. I just had to say that I can relate. Ever since my grandfather died, my grandma doesn't leave the house. ALL holidays used to be at their house. I'm married now, and I spend all holidays with my ILs. My mom comes w