Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Had to kick SIL out
The back story:
My SIL moved in with us in September 2012. She has a job that she doesn't really like and is not happy with the way her life has gone in the past several years. Not really my problem. We've done a lot for her including not charging her rent for 3 months so that she could save some money for a car. She hasn't made much progress because she has horrible spending habits and makes bad decisions.
Her daughter moved in with us about a week ago. She has had some major issues in the past, but is working hard to improve her life. I can see such a difference in her. She knows the #1 rule: if you screw up, you're out. Period.
A few days ago, SIL was told by her daughter that she didn't want to move out with her. She wants to be out on her own. They fight constantly and with our niece's previous issues, it would not be smart for her to live with her mom. Since being told this, SIL has walked around with an attitude. She hasn't said much to me--or anyone else for that matter--for a few days.
Last night when she came home from work, I told her her dog smelled and it could be her blanket and she likes to eat out of the litter box. I was actually laughing about it. She smelled the dog and said she didn't smell anything and couldn't do anything about the dog's breath. I told her the odor was bad earlier. I wasn't being serious about it and was kind of laughing. She takes her dog upstairs and we then hear the door slam. I told DH that I didn't appreciate that because I didn't have an attitude and our kid was upstairs. He said she was just in a bad mood. I let it go, but was not very happy. Our over stimulated kid was trying to go to sleep. He doesn't need any other distractions.
This morning, DH gives everyone (SIL, nephew, and niece) deadlines to find other places to live. We can't continue to support everyone. They pay rent, but it's not much compared to all our bills. SIL comes home and tells me she found a house. I tell her that's great. Inside, I am jumping for joy. She said she and niece will move out by Friday. I said that's great. I ask her about how her daughter will get to work because she has no car and where they are moving there is no bus system. She said that niece would just have to quit her job and find something else. She said she will not drive her in to the city and her daughter needs benefits anyway. I said that niece really likes her job and maybe it would be good for her to live in the city, but SIL didn't care. She only cares about herself. All I could think of was WOW. Selfish much, but that's between them.
So, I go back to work (I work from home) and SIL comes downstairs and asks if I have an issue with her. I'm thinking "What is she talking about?!" I tell her not to start this crap with me because I wasn't up for it. I forgot everything else she said, but recall her saying I DEMANDED that she solve the dog's odor immediately. I told her she was putting words in my mouth and I didn't like it. I told her I also didn't like the way she has been acting with everyone in the house. She has had an attitude and has hardly said two words to me in my own home. She continued to talk to me a certain way and I told her she can pack her crap and leave. This is MY home and she will not disrespect me in it. She said she was calling DH. I told her to call him, but that he is MY husband. She said he was her brother. I told niece she can stay, but SIL can GET OUT!!! DH backed me up and said she had to be out by tonight.
SIL has a way of making herself look like the poor victim and everyone else is evil. She's done this with other family members as well. DH has told her to knock it off because she's done it to me a few times before. This time I wasn't taking it from her and DH backed me up. Sometimes, you can't be nice to people. They mistaken it for weakness.
Re: Had to kick SIL out
Sit SIL down and tell her "The living arrangement with you and your daughter isn't working for us" --- the BOTH of you tell her this, jointly --- "Here are the 'Rooms for Rent' ads; we are giving you a month to find an
She is out of my home. She was out tonight. She moved back in with my MIL. I don't see that lasting long, but that's their problem. As for the niece, I'm not sure she is even coming back tonight. She is at work right now. If she does come back tonight,
How is 'disrespected' not a word? I am confused. Dictionary.com says it is a transitive verb for disrespect. Maybe I am missing something here..
Why in the world did your SIL and her two children move in with you and your family in the first place?!? This was setup to be a disaster from the start and I hope you learned
See to me you can help anyone by simply listening to them talk or buying them a good dinner, etc.
<p style="margin:0px 0px 12px;font-family:Ar"Do the best you can, until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
-Maya Angelou
So SIL is an adult, with adult child and a job. So why the hell can't she get her own place instead of sponging off family members all the time?? And why hasn't anybody told her this?
Sounds to me like it's time she act like the adu