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Friend Vent
6 Months ago my friend was a bridesmaid (one of 3 including my MOH) in my wedding. We were former college roommates, and she is one of my closest female friends. In college and shortly thereafter, she was with her highschool sweetheart of 10 years and planned to marry him. He kept putting things off, and the relationship fizzled out and she started dating her best friend. A few months later, I met my DH. She lives in a different city so it was several months into dating that she met DH. They didn't exactly click and she was not supportive of our relationship- in fact she asked me multiple times if he was abusing me (DH has never laid a finger on me) and contacted my friends and family saying how concerned she was about my being with DH. We got engaged last summer, and planned the wedding for this past October. Shortly after, she got engaged to her now fiance. When she came in town for the bridal shower, she didn't so much as ask to see my ring, but happily showed hers off. My mom planned and paid for the entire bridal shower because neither friend stepped up to help out (and my MOH little sister paid for the entire bachelorette party by herself). The weekend of the wedding, she came in town, but planned to stay with her best friend (for whom she was the MOH this past March) the night before the wedding instead of with me. When I mentioned that we could really use her help (my mom baked my cake and needed some help finishing it) and I kinda figured we would all be together the night before, she said ok, but went to her friend's house after the rehearsal dinner and didn't show up at my mom's until nearly 2am. The next day, while getting hair and makeup done, she spent the entire time talking about her best friend's dress for her wedding and how beautiful she looked, even passing around pictures of the dress she decided on and talking about how she didn't know how they were going to have enough time to get hair and makeup done for her best friend's wedding because she had so many more bridesmaids, etc. etc. After the wedding (which was at my house), she went on and on about everything that she helped pick up (picked up some wine glasses and a bit of trash), and kept telling my mom that she really needed to leave and my mom had to go too so she could get her things from my mom's house to head back to her bestfriend's place. My mom came over the next day apologizing profusely for the mess left in our house.
Fast forward to now, she has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which I agreed to. I have now gotten emails informing me of her expectation that we chip in for the shower and bachelorette party, and that the wedding is on the 6th of July, with the bachelorette party on the 4th and the rehearsal on the 5th. I also get weekly texts with a countdown to her big day. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, and I have known her fiance almost as long as I have known her and I am happy for him too. I am just a little peeved at the whole situation. It's an expensive weekend to try and get a hotel, and the plan was to crash at her place the night of the bachelorette party, they are getting a hotel for the bridal party the night before the wedding, so I likely will be leaving DH at home that weekend just to save money. I want to be super excited, because it is her special day, and every bride deserves every bit of that excitement from her friends, it's just hard when she let me down so much at my own wedding. Not really looking for advice, as I have already committed to this and will suck it up, put on a happy face, and truly be excited for her on her big day. Just needed to vent a little in the meantime, so thanks for listening.
Re: Friend Vent
FWIW, you're not required, in any way, shape or form to contribute to the showers or parties. Plus, she shouldn't be planning her own stuff anyway. I would show up to what you can afford and since you've already decided to participate, put
No one owes you a shower or bachelorette party or owes it to anyone to pay for these parties.
You had your wedding at your house, your mother made the wedding cake and you didn't hire anyone to clean or bake. No offense, but this is the tackiest
My big issue was not the monetary value- I don't expect anyone to spend anything on me for any reason. My big issue 6 months ago is that I do believe your bridesmaids are supposed to be there for support, to cheer you on, to indulge in your ex