At an absolute loss

worriedbride2012 · April 2013

I am beyond frustrated with my H! He is just a down right lazy and messy person. I constantly clean. We both work full time jobs 40-50 hours per week. Mine sometimes more often then not consists of quite a heavy travel schedule. My husband wont clean up after himself and he is a procrastinator. When i travel for work i have to take the next two days after i come back to clean the house because its down right disgusting like a frat house. We live in a 900 square foot apartment it shouldnt be that hard to keep it clean!!!!!!! what do i do!

superspecialsnowflake · April 2013

You don't "Have" to clean up after him. He's a grown man who should be able to clean up after himself. By all means, next time you come home to a house full of dirty dishes and garbage, gather it all up, and put it somewhere personal to him... such as his favorite sofa, his desk, his car, his side of the bed, etc.

Repeat until he mans up and cleans up after himself. .

anssett · April 2013

Why did you marry someone you consider lazy and 'frat boy' messy? It appears you have very different ideas about what level if clean is comfortable. It's kinda a fundamental part of cohabiting! Treating him like he's a child and completely wrong probably won't get you what you want. You may need the dreaded 'C' word: comprise...

doglove · April 2013

anssett:
Why did you marry someone you consider lazy and 'frat boy' messy? It appears you have very different ideas about what level if clean is comfortable. It's kinda a fundamental part of cohabiting! Treating him like he's a child and completely wrong probably won't get you what you want. You may need the dreaded 'C' word: comprise...

Yes. There had to be signs of this behavior prior to putting a ring on your finger.

MLE2010 · April 2013

doglove:
anssett:
Why did you marry someone you consider lazy and 'frat boy' messy? It appears you have very different ideas about what level if clean is comfortable. It's kinda a fundamental part of cohabiting! Treating him like he's a child and completely wrong probably won't get you what you want. You may need the dreaded 'C' word: comprise...
Yes. There had to be signs of this behavior prior to putting a ring on your finger.

I agree. Did you think marriage would change his cleaning habits?

Go on strike. Stop cleaning up after him. Eventually, hopefully, he will gross himself out and he will clean. If not it maybe a marriage breaker. Good Luck.

(Also, if you come home to a mess you didn't make and then spend your free time cleaning and picking up the mess, you are a MOTHER not a WIFE. Stop being MOTHER. Today.)

tiffanysbride · April 2013

Did he clean up his place before you married? I would not be able to live like that.

MzBecky · April 2013

Clean up or shut up. You married him knowing this.

worriedbride2012 · April 2013

He cleaned up before marriage we lived together for two years before marriage and he was spotless. So no i should not have to clean up or shut up. Thanks for all the good ideas everyone. Im going to try and talking to him about it again

BulgariHeart · April 2013

worriedbride2012:
He cleaned up before marriage we lived together for two years before marriage and he was spotless. So no i should not have to clean up or shut up. Thanks for all the good ideas everyone. Im going to try and talking to him about it again

Well then I guess saying I do made you a slave in his eyes? Weird.

annmarie714 · April 2013

H has a habit of not putting dishes in the dishwasher or turning lights off. I've learned instead of just rolling my eyes and doing it for him, I make him do it. I have gone out to our pond, brought him inside and made him do it. He remembers a lot better now. His fishing will get interrupted if not Wink

Not to mention, I'm not afraid to say "I'm not your mother and will not clean up after you"

Time and Time Again · April 2013

worriedbride2012:
I am beyond frustrated with my H! He is just a down right lazy and messy person. I constantly clean. We both work full time jobs 40-50 hours per week. Mine sometimes more often then not consists of quite a heavy travel schedule. My husband wont clean up after himself and he is a procrastinator. When i travel for work i have to take the next two days after i come back to clean the house because its down right disgusting like a frat house. We live in a 900 square foot apartment it shouldnt be that hard to keep it clean!!!!!!! what do i do!

You are r*tarded for marrying him

annmarie714 · April 2013

Time and Time Again:
You are r*tarded for marrying him

Name calling isn't necessary and isn't constructive. Why troll the boards?

Kimbus22 · May 2013

I told my DH he could either start helping more or I would hire someone to clean because I was tired of being the only one cleaning. He opted to hire someone. Now we're all happy.

Mrs.H. · May 2013

If you keep cleaning up after him he will never do it for himself.

jrodgers239 · May 2013

You have to look at it in terms of how important it is for you. Clearly keeping a clean house is not important to him, but if it is to you then you are just going to have to bite the bullet and clean up after him. Is this something you are willing to throw your marriage away for? If not, it is just something you'll have to get over. If it is something that is a deal breaker, then go ahead and get out. There's no sense in fighting over it. If you want to try to compromise then point out a couple of things that are really important to you that he helps you with, like washing his dishes when you're gone, or making sure he doesn't have stuff laying around and ask him politely to follow those things to help you out. Hopefully he will be willing to help out if you give him 2 maybe 3 things that you think are very important and need his help with since he loves you, but you can't expect him to completely change unless he does it on his own. Treating him like a child though, will get you know where. He will probably begin to resent you if you do that. You can't treat him the way you would a regular roommate that doesn't clean up after themselves.

Time and Time Again · May 2013

annmarie714:
Time and Time Again:
You are r*tarded for marrying him
Name calling isn't necessary and isn't constructive. Why troll the boards?

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