Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
STEP mil from hell
My husbands father recently remarried... Which is all fine and dandy but the person he married
is my husbands mothers EX best friend. I dated my husband for five years before we got married, we
are high school sweethearts. The entire time we dated his parents were going through a nasty
divorce. I've always got along great with both of my hubbys parents, especially his mother.
His mom has never felt like a mother in law, but more like a friend.
Lets get to the point. The entire time we dated, his mother has always told me she thought his
father was having an affair with someone who used to be a best friend to her. Years later,directly
after the divorce, guess who movesin with my husbands dad? Yep! Her ex bff! Moves in the house
where my husband was raised and his mother once owned. His mother has always told me to be careful
around this woman because she was a back stabber, but I was trying to be positive on his dads
behalf...
Right from the very beginning she seemed like such a great lady. She cleaned up the house,
cooked, and just seemed so loving and trusting. But there was something about her, I don't know
if it was because my mother in law had told me all the stories of how hubbys dad cheated on her,
but there was just something about her. As soon as she gets my husband alone (helping her move
her stuff into his dads while Im at work) she begins gossiping about how my hubbys mom always
cheated on his dad, and completely flipped everything around on her. I didn't know what to believe
but was still trying to stay out of it and play nice.
My husband and I have a beautiful and expensive wedding paid for by my parents and his mothers side
of the famiy. His dad offered to help, so all we asked was that he pay for the tuxes and he
was fine with that, until we went to get the check that his wife had filled out and signed herself
only paying for half, which was 400 dollars... so my parents footed the rest of the bill. I didnt
think anything about it until we go to visit them the day after our wedding and as they were booking
our "honeymoon" online, his now "step mommy" decides she wants to tell me all the things she hated
about our wedding. We seated them in the second row and she didnt like that. She didnt like that
she didnt get to be involved in planning my bridal shower or our housewarming shower, and how
we were just in the wrong to have sat them in the second row. (which they didnt sit there anyway because
someone gave their front row seat to hubbys dad while he huffed and puffed during our entire ceremony
and step mom decided to sit in the very back) I thought really? we havent even been married 24 hrs
and im already having inlaw issues LOL. Well we let it all blow over (so I thought)... I was trying
to be the adult in the situation so I was putting our differences aside for my hubbys sake of having
a relationship with his father.
About a month later hubby gets a phone call from his dad wanting us to come over because hes tired
of step mommy crying herself to sleep at night because things have been weird ever since and they
want to work things out with us. So we go over to their house, the lights are our and they have 100
candles lit LOL our wedding gets brought up again, his step mommy says we used them just to pay for
tuxes. I told her my wedding costed 14,000 dollars and that my parents werent going to cancel just because
they didnt want to pay 400 on the tuxes. She goes into detail about how she saw me taking pictures
around their house and sending them to my mother in law (which i have never done) she told me "little
girl im not going anywhere if you think your gonna run me off" when i told her the price of the wedding
and that we didnt need their 400 she said "honey it wasnt that pretty" then her and my hubbys
father told me how i should be ashamed at the amount spent on the wedding. There was a lot of yelling
but ultimately the night ended with my hubby yelling profanities at his father and step mother inlaw
and when we got up to leave his father yelled down the stairs at me telling me i was a pitiful person.
NOW almost 6 months later they text us constantly and tell us how they love and miss us,and are
constantly trying to plan get togethers. My husband wants a relationship with his father but
he says that I come first. I cant tell him he cant see his dad, but I'm still bitter and they
have yet to apologize and I will not apologize to them. His brother lives with them and says they
are constantly saying " I wonder whats wrong, I thought everything was ok" We have gone to dinner
with them twice since the incident. How can they think this behavior is okay?
Re: STEP mil from hell
My sister when through the same thing with her inlaws. It is wrong for them to try and make you feel ashamed about the wedding. It is not about the money spent or how extravagant it is, and obviously they don't understand that. You should not apologize to them because nothing in this was your fault. You are not keeping your husband from his dad. It seems if this was all brought up again I would lay down the law of how disrespectful they are being. If they have some secret problem with you and DH then they should say what it is instead of insulting the wedding that you worked hard on, yourself and every little thing your lives. This behavior is not acceptable.
Be classy and mature about it. If they want to act like fools let them but you don't have to stoop to that level.
I think she was probably insecure from the beginning since you had such a great relationship with your MIL.
The thing about the tuxes was rude. But did they pay for your honeymoon?
Why did you seat them in the second row? My parents would have been pretty angry if that happened. However, if she wanted to be involved in your planning 24 hours after the wedding was not the time to tell you! How annoying.
She sounds like she is dumping you in the "bad" category for having a relationship with your MIL...they don't necessarily sound like they fit the criterion for abusive, but I know that abusive/narcissistic people will take actions, make up stories around them, and refuse to be disabused of their notions. It sounds like something related to that.
They really do not know how much a wedding costs. For a formal ceremony, $14,000 is not bad! Also, how absolutely appalling to dish on it.
It's great that your husband is standing by you. He sounds like he's doing everything right for your family.
Again, abusive/narcissistic people will go on strange tirades and then act like nothing is wrong...it's like cognitive splitting or something?
I see something a lot different:
I see a lot of trivia and a lot of nonsense.
And "costed you"? Really??? "Costed" is not a word.
If they upset the both of you this much, tell his father you and your H will no longer talk to both of them until the 2 of you treat the both of you civilly and like adults.
They think it is okay because of who they are. Look your FIL cheated on his wife. SMIL cheated with her BBFs husband. Know who you are dealing with....
That being said, SMIL has overstepped major here. She has no right to expect to help plan in any of the things listed, unless they paid for them. I am guessing she didn't pay got your housewarming party, right?
She sounds like a ton of fun. Lol
Look tell your H that is he wants to see or talk with his father to go ahead. You however, want nothing to do with FIL or SMIL. FIL said mean and hurtful things to you and you will not put yourself in that situation again. I'd also laying the law down as it comes to any future children. Your SMIL is going to throw an absolute fit once you have a baby, bet on it.